Sex after episiotomy

[Northby]

Hi everyone, I wondered if anyone had had experience of being intimate again after having an episiotomy. I found sex painful prior to giving birth to my first baby, and the episiotomy has left a scar which seems to be quite big and occasionally pinches. It has been almost 3 months since the birth but I don’t feel sexual at all and even the thought of it makes me quite anxious. Has anyone else struggled with intimacy after birth? Any advice?

You need to give yourself time, don’t rush into anything you’re not ready for because that will only make it worse.
I used to suffer with vaginismus but after years of treatment and working on this finally got to a place where sex isn’t “painful”. I was worried after giving birth that I would be back at square one. I too had an episiotomy and it took me a long time to heal. We didn’t have penetrating sex for 8 months and when we did, we slowly eased our way back into it - difficult with a baby of course! 😂
take your time, find what’s best for you, lube lube and more lube! Toys can be really nice too! Your partner’s understanding and patience will be key and you need to have clear and honest communication. Don’t do anything you’re not ready for. We got back to a place where sex was great, even better than before actually!
I hope it all goes well for you! Be kind and patient with yourself. Your body has gone through an awful lot! It’s not just physical healing that needs to take place xx

I didn't have an episiotomy but I can relate to the lack of sex drive. For me it was more related to hormones and breastfeeding. My advice would be, don't force it if you're not feeling it. I had sex a few times after DD was born that I just didn't enjoy and regret not being more vocal about it (exH was a selfish arse which didn't help).
3 months is nothing! Give yourself time and take the pressure off.

Don't panic. Can totally relate - 2 episiotomies here, sex painful after both, could definitely feel where the cut was. Was also completely uninterested in sex so wasn't much enjoying intimacy even before penetration. Time helped loads - a lot of it. Took about a year to be fully back to normal I think.

If you're breastfeeding this also really affects your hormones so might help to explain why you don't feel interested in sex. And why you might be dry even if you're trying to get in the mood. Definitely agree with pp about Lube.

Honestly it feels like such a big deal and is worrying but this will pass and it will improve. And if it doesn't, push for help. I was referred to a physio in the end, referral took so long that I healed in the meantime but there is help out there if you need it and painful sex is not acceptable or normal long term so don't put up with it if it is!

Thanks everyone, your posts are reassuring!

I had one after my first. Took me 6 months and a bottle of wine to work up the courage.. was absolutely fine! But thats why I now have two kids 🤦‍♀️

I had a 14 stitch epi with my first and we didn't even try til 7 months post partum. And even then it took a few months to really get to go the swing of things. No rush.

About 6 or 7 months for me!

It was over a year when i had sex again. Just wasn't in the mood.

I had an episiotomy and waited just 4 weeks 🙈. It had never given me any discomfort whilst healing, although was still nervous to give it a go. Was all fine, but ultimately you need to wait until you feel ready and comfortable, however long that may be x