When are you telling people?

[ASGIRC]

Hey guys!

Im currently 5+6, first pregnancy, SMBC, so used a clinic and had a FET last month.

I have been very very open about what Im doing, including rough time frames, but then decided not to tell anyone about the actual transfer, as I didnt want people asking me questions.

I am now pregnant, but have been having to avoid talking to people, as I know the first question out of their mouth will be "are you pregnant yet?" and it feels a bit soon, but I also dont want to lie.

That being said, I have already told my mom, and a few friends who asked directly when they saw me drinking non alcolic beer.

So I wondered what were other peoples takes on when to tell people!

@ASGIRC I got pregnant for the first time in March this year and I was obviously very excited. After doing a private scan at 6+6 weeks we decided to tell our parents. We had another scan 2 weeks later where we saw that the embryo stopped developing a week prior. I regretted then giving false hope to my parents and my in laws and promised myself I wouldn't tell anyone if I manage to get pregnant again. Fast forward to today I am pregnant again 7 weeks ish but decided against telling anyone until the beginning of the second semester if I ever get to that point. I feel so nervous about this pregnancy and am convinced every day that it will not continue like the last one.

Having said that, this is just me and I know everyone is different. I would say do whatever makes YOU comfortable and not what others would expect.

@TTCbaby2023 Oh absolutely! Im sure if Id had a loss id be a lot more guarded!

Even now, with the people Ive already told, I dread to think, if things dont go well, that I will have to tell them it didnt work out.

Im sure I can probably cope well with the loss, but Im not sure how well I would cope with having to.. "console" other people who would be sad for me, if that makes sense.

But this thread isnt to help me decide when to tell or not tell! I just want to understand other peoples perspectives on it!

My view would be if they will know you are suffering a loss then I tell them. If I wouldn't tell them that then I'd hold out until later on

Huge congratulations @ASGIRC! And also to you @TTCbaby2023, wishing you both the very best with your pregnancies 💕

We told our parents and siblings at 5-6 weeks - pretty much as soon as we found out. Told my boss and 2 of my colleagues very shortly after, due to strong symptoms and needing to be off work!
Told my best mate at 8ish weeks.
We didn't make it "Facebook official" (ie, tell everyone else) till about 21 weeks, after we'd had the second scan. My mum was losing her mind waiting for us to "announce it". It felt exactly right for us.
Don't be led by anyone else, would be my advice! Do what feels right to you!
(and consider telling people a due date that's a fortnight after your true due date, the "baby here yet?!" messages are the worst)

First time round I found out about 4 weeks but we did tell my parents as it felt right. We then didn't tell anyone else until after the 12 week scan.

I'm 5 weeks pregnant at the moment but this time round I'm not sure when to tell my dad as we we have a 4.5 year old also to consider 😂🤣

We told close friends and family as soon as well fell pregnant last year unfortunately it ended in miscarriage but we had the support of the majority of people we told but also had very negative comments from some people about how we shouldn’t have told anyone until we were 12wks etc. I don’t regret my decision one bit.

we fell pregnant again in January and told close family and friends again as I’d rather have the support from people than have to go through it all alone as it’s isolating enough as it is. I got the same mixed responses from people that I knew I would get and I’m now 30wks pregnant waiting for my little one to arrive in a few weeks.

it all depends on personal preference really but the way I see it is either way the baby deserves to be celebrated no matter what the outcome of the pregnancy because at the end of the day they exist/existed and I wouldn’t hide my pregnancy from people who think that ‘you shouldn’t say anything until 12wks’ just because it might make them feel uncomfortable.

If you need them to know for your safety or health, tell them.
If you want their support through this period then tell them.

Don't tell anyone whom you wouldn't want to have to tell about a loss.

with my first pregnancy I told close friends and family early and then had a loss at 10 weeks. I would have told them I had a miscarriage anyway so didn’t regret telling them. It was nice having their support through the miscarriage.

With my second pregnancy I didn’t tell people until we had the 12 week scan- not because I didn’t want them to know if we miscarried again, but because I wanted to be excited when I told them about the pregnancy, and not “we’re pregnant, but early days so please don’t get excited for us yet”.

It’s different for everyone and for each pregnancy.

Congrats on your pregnancy OP and all the best.

I told people whenever it came up in conversation. Apart from my parents and PIL who we told pretty much as soon as we knew.

So some people knew at about 9 weeks when I was at a wedding and clearly not drinking and some at about 30 because I hadn't seen them and I hated making any announcement.

Lost my first pregnancy to miscarriage. Didn't change my attitude to telling in the next two.