Breastfeeding- not receiving the help we need

[Millie890]

Hi. I just want to know if anyone is experiencing the same thing we are currently going through...I'm absolutely at the end of my tether with community midwives. My baby is 2 weeks old, I really don't think she is getting the milk she needs from me as she is constantly chain feeding, for example last night she fed from 9pm until she finally fell asleep at 4am. She woke up at 7am and since then she has had another 4 feeds. I can only feed her from one side as she won't latch onto the other. Since she was born she hasn't yet gotten back up to her birth weight so our first few weeks have been spoiled by the stress of having to go to the midwife (a different one every time) every few days to get her weighed. Just for them to say "just keep trying and feed her more often" and not give me any practical help. I can't possibly feed her any more than I am and they just won't help me. I'm worried that my baby is hungry all the time ☹️☹️. Just can't bear this! Today they're sending round a student and a MSW who is an absolute wet wipe and looks and behaves like a school girl, what good is she when I'm worried about my child's health?? This is a living nightmare. Are 8 hours feeds normal in a 2 week old?

Hi OP. Yes 8 hour feeds are normal for a 2 week old. This is what feed on demand means. Some people’s babies don’t demand to be fed all the time, others do.

They feed to increase your supply which doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with your supply. This is exactly what baby is meant to do to get the supply established as they grow.

What percentage of her birth weight did she loose and how close is she to brith weight now?

It sounds you’ve had a right time of it for the last few weeks, sorry to hear there’s been so much stress around it.

Is your baby having wet and dirty nappies?
my babies fed like crazy at the start. On my first I panicked, actually thought that baby should feed every 4 hours. I started pumping so I’d know she was getting enough, then it was a vicious circle of not being able to feed because I’d just pumped and supplement with formula etc.

I joined a Facebook group on my second and was much more confident as to what is normal behaviour.
is this your first baby? Prioritise feeding the baby, take to the couch or bed, box sets, plenty of water and snacks and feed feed feed.
let everything else slide. The more you feed the more you make, not easy to do but try relax

I wouldn’t say that is a normal amount of feeding, even for a 2 week old. Health visitors don’t usually have a lot of knowledge around breastfeeding unfortunately (wild, I know!)

Is there any other support in your area? Is there a children’s centre where you may be able to see a lactation consultant? Is there a BAMBI group in your area? Have you tried any websites like la Leche league or kellymom? These have good pages on breastfeeding problems and how to solve them.

I would say maybe try Googling ‘breast compressions’ as it sounds as if baby isn’t getting enough milk for some reason (could be tongue tie, latch or some other reason.

So sorry that you're not getting the support you need.

Have a read of Breastfeeding: what to expect in the early weeks.

If that doesn't sound like what you are experiencing, have a read of this on Tongue Tie as TT is often the reason that babies can't transfer enough milk.

Visiting a BFing Support Group and calling one of the BFing Helplines should be able to support you too

It is normal if your baby does this for a few days then goes back to normal a bit, then feeds like crazy again. It’s called cluster feeding. They just feed and feed and feed. My DS did this on and off for the first few weeks, some days just feeding 80% of his day. I was so surprised none of the midwives told me about it, I only found out it’s normal from internet searches and fellow mum friends.
Is your baby having wet and dirty nappies? If so, should be fine.

Also, check for a tongue tie if it’s a vibrant thing. Even if they’ve checked, get it checked again. And again. I’ve had quite a few friends who have had their baby checked several times before a tongue tie is actually found and then the feeding problem is sorted almost straight away. A few friends have used private specialists for this if it’s a £100 you can afford to spend. It’s been found and fixed immediately then.

How delightful of you to refer to a health care professional attending your house to support you as a 'wet wipe' you could always pay for a non 'wet wipe' to come and support you?

Newborns have tiny tummies and they feed not just for sustenance, but also for comfort and bonding. Do get checked for tongue tie - DD1 had an 80% tongue tie snipped at 3 days old and her feeding was transformed instantly.

It's incredibly stressful - I understand I have 3 dc. Most importantly is baby having wet and poopy nappies? Every day multiple times,

Today ask specifically if there is a breastfeeding support service / drop-in / something or other. There might be a specific time and place you can go for some more knowledgeable support. Not being able to feed on both sides is an excellent reason to ask for more help!

I didn't find establishing feeding easy with my 2 (20 yrs ago). By recollection they didn't make it back to birthweight till 3 weeks. The eldest in particular fed and fed and fed and it wasn't easy at all. But eventually it settled down and was worth it.

People's points above are very valid. Hope things start to improve for you and most of all that you can feel supported.

My 1st i had to stay in hospital (normal in Portugal for 2 days) for 5 days as baby was tiny and v sleepy with severe jaundice. His blood sugars were too low to go home as I wasn't eating enough tho he was on boob he just sucked without drinking. He had to have a few bottles of formula in hospital for the sugars - i felt terrible- I then used a nipple shield and for me it was a game changer- i was warned by all and sundry not to keep using it but it worked for us and he went from 3rd percentile to 90th. I used the shield for months (not advised i know) but he then fed until 15 months, no issues. He's now a huge 9 year old. I used the shield with my other two for a few weeks until we got hang of it DD only a few days and she's still bf at 20 months ( would quite like her to stop i want non milk boobs now)

Thanks, that's all I needed to hear I think! She lost 8% of her birth weight and is now 16 days old and she still has 150 grams to go. She's putting on about 50 grams per week and isn't losing any. I just feel so rubbish though that there is so much pressure on this target.

Sorry to hear that you had this stress aswell but so pleased you got through it! She is out first, she's having loads of wet and dirty nappies and is lovely and alert and pink. If I didn't know I had this birth weight target hanging over us I wouldn't be worried at all as she seems like a happy, healthy baby...just a milk monster

Thank you so much for these!!! ❤️

My dd was like this and didn't regain birth weight til 4 weeks exclusively bf, it was torture. I jacked it in at 6 weeks, started to ff and everything changed overnight. With hindsight her latch wasn't right, but I couldn't seem to get it right, she wasn't getting enough and was exhausting herself feeding inefficiently for hours. My nipples were in shreds. I got no useful guidance despite attending all the bf cafés who told me just to keep feeding, despite the blood and the tears. We just weren't suited to it. You'll know if this is you. It doesn't have to be this difficult. I call that 6 weeks my lost time with her. Sometimes it just doesn't work out, it's OK.

I'm sorry to offend anyone, it's not my intention but when it comes to the health of your newborn baby you need someone with some qualifications, useful advice and a bit of gumption. Not someone afraid of their own shadow who turns up and just hands you a leaflet. Again, I am sorry but it's just not good enough, it takes a certain type of person to work in Midwifery and with good reason, it's a tough and responsible job

That does sound like Tongue Tie. If you're ever thinking of having another I'd highly recommend reading the article on TT I posted to do that you know what to look out for next time as sometimes it does affect FFing babies too

Thank you so much for these!!! ❤️

No problem. I hope you find them useful

@Millie890 Please please do not accept this crap support. Some of the community midwives are utterly appalling.

Can you go to a breastfeeding support group to get some in person support? I’d also call your HV number and ask what other breastfeeding support they offer, there will be a lot you don’t know about.

my daughter cluster fed for 16 hours a day for 8 weeks! I was on my knees with exhaustion and it turned out she had lock jaw from birth. Cranial osteopath and milk matters fixed her but I wish I had pushed for more support xx

Cluster and endless feeding is definitely a thing and I think there’s a growth spurt around 2 weeks. But also echoing the check for tongue-tie suggestion. I only learnt about it on here when I was late-night trawling threads looking for help with DD’s bad latch and cluster feeding. She had TT, identified at a private BF drop-in, after both GP and community midwife told me there was no issue as she was gaining weight. But my nipples were shredded (oh the agony of feeding a baby with scabbed-over nipples) and she was unsettled. Still makes me wince 10 yrs later!

We went on to successfully bf until she was 2 and I got pregnant again. So do pursue good support - it took me a while to find someone who could actually help. But also, don’t beat yourself up too much. I pretty much made bf my full time job for the first 6 months, to the detriment of my mental health I think.

Thats so good! Anything under 10% is completely normal and not at all a cause for concern. Your little girl definitely isn’t going hungry.

My DS took a while to get back to birth weight but after those first few weeks he very quickly found his way to the 95th percentile after being born on the 40th!

Sounds like you are doing an amazing job, it is tough for those first few weeks and having weigh-ins looming on you is especially hard but everything sounds within the bounds of normal. Definitely took my daughter at least 2 weeks to regain her birth weight and we had a really shaky start - including hospital readmission. But we got there in the end, I fed her for 17 months and extremely proud of us both.

Hi
HV and MW here. All sounds normal to me and that you are doing great. A couple of things that will hopefully reassure you:-
There is obviously no visual element with breastfeeding that lets you know if a baby is getting enough. Wet and dirty nappies are the best sign.
It's very easy to compare the feeding pattern of a breastfed baby with a formula fed one but don't. We tend to expect that they feed then sleep for 4 hrs but this isn't the biological norm (small stomach etc).
Do not disregard the non nutritional side of breastfeeding - some babies need to suck - all the time. It is a newborn reflex and the reason dummies were invented. The 'she's uses you as a dummy' comment so often heard with breastfeeding is not helpful. Yep - the breast came before the dummy! I don't have any problems with dummies btw up until a baby can walk!
They want to be close to you - have you read about the 4th trimester? Cluster feeding as others have said is her building up your supply and all normal.

Posted too soon.

There is very little robust evidence about regaining birthweight and the timescales. 12% weight loss is the cut off for a feeding plan usually. Because she is feeding a lot this doesn't mean you don't have enough milk or that she is hungry for the previous reasons. Breasts are more like taps than bottles as they don't empty.

My first fed exactly as you've described. He wanted feeding all the time, feeds could last over an hour. He lost a fair bit of his birthweight but was born in covid so no one cared so I just stayed in the sofa wondering if all was ok. He had tongue tie which was later fixed, feeding became less painful after that but he still fed for just as long. He continued to do so until he was over three and just loved his milk I think!

My daughter is a totally different feeder - she's very efficient and her feeds (even as a newborn) could be done in five minutes. She still did the cluster feeding but nowhere near as bad as her brother. She lost 9% birth weight and I was getting queried by the midwives concerned she wasn't getting enough milk. She was still getting wet nappies though so I just carried on as I was pretty confident there was plenty of milk (her brother was able to confirm this 😬)

Sounds like you're doing really well and you've got a baby that loves their milk and their mum, and gaining weight which is excellent. It's really tough in those early days, but it sounds like you're doing fab and just need to make sure someone is keeping a cup of tea, biscuits and a water bottle within easy reach for you at all times

Is your baby doing enough wet nappies? If so you're ok. You can call the nct helpline for advice too. Well done xx