Advice please - just found out I am pregnant - on the pill

[Coastaldreams]

Hi all, just found out I am pregnant (was on the pill). Been with my partner for nearly 10 years and are both 25. As much of a shock it is, we are both happy as we have always wanted children. We brought a house a couple of years ago that has been fully renovated.

I have seen many threads on here about being ‘unwed’ and pregnant. I feel pressured now to get married before baby arrives. I am also stressed about telling my boss I am pregnant. Have been working for the NHS as a coordinator for over a year and previously worked in a GP Surgery for just shy of 6 years. Worried about being judged for being ‘young’ and not married. I am never normally like this, I don’t tend to worry about these things or about what other people think but it has been consuming me recently!

Any advice? Is it normal to feel like this?

Please don't feel pressured to get married if it's not what you want! I've seen on here it seems to be the thing most people think is needed, but it's really not, and marriage is no guarantee of a successful relationship either (says the divorced woman!). If you want to get married, get married, but don't force it because someone else on a forum says you should. In terms of telling your boss, what is it that's worrying you? I think you have to try to put what other people will think out of your mind - you can't control what they want to think, and what they think isn't the truth, it's just their opinion. If you are in a stable, happy relationship, are financially stable enough to cope and you want to have the baby together, that's what matters most x

No need at all to get married, it has no real benefit assuming you don't allow yourself to become financially dependent on a man.

Ensure your partner understands he is 50 percent responsible for childcare and you won't be compromising your earning capacity and crack on! Marriage is for the patriarchy.

Congratulations! Don't feel pressure to marry or feel like you'll be judged as too young, You're 25 in a committed stable relationship with your own home. As long as you are happy people will be happy for you. I had my first at 23 and second at 27 then married a few years later when I wanted to. Stop worrying about others and enjoy your pregnancy

Congratulations, don't feel pressured or judged!
I been with my boyfriend for 7 years, no hint of a engagement ring 🤣
Had my first at 24 (2022) and due my second this December.. so I'm already being judged for being young and for having 2 under 2 but who cares!!! As long as you are happy that is all that matters ❤️🥰

Congratulations!!
I'm an older mum, 37&40 when I had mine - I wish I'd had them a bit earlier as menopausal now and can't keep up with them!
You do what's right for you and stuff anyone's virtuous comments! You're settled and stable - good time IMO
Good luck

@Coastaldreams
Congratulations on your pregnancy!
Honestly don't worry at all about being unwed and having a baby.
Enjoy this time! Xx

@Coastaldreams it’s really common for people not to ever get married these days, what’s important is that you are in a loving and respectful relationship. If you are happy, then others will be happy for you too. X

Was your upbringing or school religious, by any chance? I was married, we owned our flat, I was 32 and very near the end of my phd... and STILL I felt a niggle of shame in the back of my mind. I kept thinking back to a video we had been made to watch about teenage pregnancy and the ABSOLUTE SHAME of it all.

25 is a great age. I wish I'd started at 25 (and not gone to a school run by mad Christians)

Congratulations! It might have been mentioned on here before but some of the ideas people have on MN are very outdated and old fashioned so I wouldn’t take any notice of it. There are just some extremely judgemental members of society on here 😬 I wasn’t married when we had our first child. I would say it didn’t bother me at all but the only time it did was in the hospital when the baby had the tag round his ankle and sign on the cot they both said baby and my second name rather than dad’s (which is his second name too). They kept questioning it when asking his name as the second name’s were different but other than that one event it didn’t bother me in the slightest and no one has ever commented on it! Most of my friends aren’t married and some have multiple kids, no one cares!

Thank you for all the kind responses. I don’t normally worry about things and I am pretty relaxed but I just have a feeling of dread due to having to tell my boss etc , not sure if it’s because of my age.. I know family will be supportive.

Please don’t worry. It sounds like you’re in a loving, stable relationship and that’s what matters most, always. I’m pregnant, 26 and unmarried, my partner and I have been together 2.5 years and we rent. So not ideal circumstances but we’re SO happy together and I know we’ll get married in a few years, we discuss it all the time.
I also felt a bit of shame regarding telling work, but actually in the process I found out that my boss had her first at 25 and my other manager is unmarried with a baby too! So you never actually know. Focus on your and your lovely growing baby x

I was married when I had my daughter 8 years ago. I’m now pregnant with my second with a different partner and we are in no hurry to get married. I feel in a much better position this time round. Being married doesn’t mean it will last any longer. I get it if you was on a much lower income than your partner and give up your earning potential while the kid(s) are young than if splitting up you’re in a better financial position if married but if you’re not financially reliant on your partner then it’s not the be all and end all.