Would you tell family?

[NWnature]

Hi all
I am 6 weeks pregnant with my second baby. I haven’t told anyone yet and ideally wouldn’t want to until I have had the 12 week scan at least. I’m really anxious myself about losing the pregnancy and also would prefer not to have to think/worry about others if sometime does go wrong. I also want to be sensitive on how I deliver the news to my SIL as she is struggling to conceive.

The issue is , we are all due to go on holiday together when I am about 10.5 weeks. Ideally I wouldn’t say anything and just wait til we are back and I have had the 12 week scan (it’s booked as soon as we get home) but I’m worried it will be really obvious when we are there and then feel like I’ve made it a big thing / embarrassing reveal and sort of commandeer the holiday with the news a bit.

I’m really torn as what to do. They will definitely notice if I am not drinking and in a swimming costume will probably look massive by then too. So part of me thinks it’s better to just get it out in the open a few days before we leave so it isn’t a secret and so people can digest it and it isn’t a big reveal/ surprise when we are there. But also wondering maybe I could say I am on antibiotics and get away with it.

I am going to get an early scan next week and will possibly fit in an another just before we go which will reassure me a bit but ultimately doesn’t change the statistics of something happening.

What do you all think?

I’m also 6 weeks and have told my parents and my dh parents. It’s my second baby and I’m just feeling anxious about it all so thought I’d feel better if they knew and could also help watch my little one. I’ve not told siblings as i’m not ready yet.

Tell people when you’re ready. If you don’t want to wear swimming costume then you could look for a swimming come up so you can lounge by the pool. You could accept drinks but just leave them to the side of pass them off to your partner. I used to just say my head was sore so was having soft drinks.

Congratulations on the baby!

You won’t be massive at 10.5 weeks, at worst you’ll have some bloating which can be passed off from over eating. I wouldn’t say antibiotics, that’s a well known code for pregnant but don’t want to say. Personally I think I’d have a scan before going and then tell them. You won’t be able to relax and enjoy your holiday while trying to hide a pregnancy.

Thanks guys. I agree antibiotics is probably a dead giveaway. Hopefully everything goes ok at the 7 week scan and I could try and book a 10 week one just before we go. I’ve just read so much about showing much earlier second time round and my bloat is already huge.

Hey !

As someone who has experienced fertility issues, if your SIL is going on the trip I think it would be good to tell her beforehand in private. Tell her that you wanted her to know and that you didn't want it to be a surprise. If she is on holiday with you and theres a big dénouement with your news it will really be very difficult for her.

Also with both my pregnancies I told our family and friends very early because I wanted the support from them if it didn't work out. Suffering in secret is so miserable and it's good to cry on various shoulders. That's what families are for :)

Congratulations and good luck!

If you don't think it will stay secret on holiday could you tell your SIL beforehand? Sooner the better for her really so she can recover but appreciate you might want to wait.

Failing that maybe just tell them you're not drinking as trying to conceive?

Yes I agree I want to be sensitive as possible with SIL and give her time to digest the news. I totally understand those who want to share early with family and have their support but I am just a really private person and almost worry more about their upset and disappointment if something goes wrong which is why I’d much rather wait if I can but I feel like in this instance it’s probably better to tell. I’ll see how the first scan goes and see if it makes me feel more confident. Thanks for the congratulations, I know it’s such a nice “problem” to have but it’s making me worry even more than early pregnancy always does.

No you don't need to tell the family! They'll be thinking about enjoying the holiday not whether you're pregnant or not. You'll hardly show at 10 weeks and it would be really rude if someone comments. How do they know it's not just a bit of weight gain?

You can pretend to drink by taking tiny sips and putting the rest in your partner's glass when no one is looking. Or drinking lemonade or mocktails that look like booze.

I was in the same circumstances as you. Had a scan at 10 weeks, the day before the holiday, then just told them. There's just no way I'd have gotten away with not having anything to drink the whole time.

Ordinarily I'd have waited, but it was fine. Explained it was early and that I wouldn't usually be telling them, and we'd celebrate properly after the 12 week scan. They were happy but understood not to get too excited yet.

Congratulations! I told my parents and few friends earlier and then did lose the pregnancy. I don’t regret telling early, I found that being open about what happened has really helped me. I’d tell you SIL privately and then tell others before you go