41 + 2 and feeling down 😔

[FirsttimemummrsJ]

I'm currently 41 + 2 days and driving myself mad. Trying to look for any mums who had babies around this time and onwards.
Every day that passes I'm just over thinking everything and worrying.
Baby is moving loads so I know they are OK but in my head they aren't. I feel like my body isn't doing what it should do and I really wanted to avoid a C Sec but right now I'd take anything to have baby join us and know they are all good.
I've had 0 signs. Feel like I've tried absolutely everything. Baby's head has been down for weeks.
I'm also super overwhelmed with constant check ins and questions from friends and family. I wish I hadn't shared due dates with anyone. We know the weekend we conceived which would put me at 40 weeks + 2.
I have the midwife tomorrow and I'll probably take a sweep to see what my cervix is doing but I feel like it's so far away.
None of this is helped by the fact I'm the most impatient person ever. I honestly thought I'd have a baby by now.
Any stories or reassurance would mean the world to me. X

The last part is so hard. Your body needs oxytocin to trigger labour which is a happy hormone. So it’s a horrible cycle of the more you stress the less likely labour is to start, so you stress more. Try to relax, warm baths, chocolate, orgasm, get a massage from your partner, watch some comedies, get those hormones flowing. It’s so frustrating at this bit but just try to remember it won’t be much longer, your baby will be in your arms soon.

I found this time really tricky with my first (not helped by being in lockdown in 2020). In the end I had three sweeps (all said I had a favourable cervix and 2cm dilated), which did nothing except make me lose my mucus plug. I got an induction (pessary) at 41+5, which kick-started things basically immediately and after 6-7 hours my baby was born. It seemed like I just needed that final nudge over.

The time passes so slowly though, it's really frustrating, so a lot of sympathy. Going for daily walks helped me a bit, as did cooking sweet food (biscuits/cakes/etc) and watching nice films. Second the bath recommendation (if you like baths).

Currently 37+4 with my second and already feeling kind of impatient and second guessing every twinge!

Hope the sweep helps!

I really feel your pain, it's so difficult at the end when you're waiting. With my first I went to 41+5 before being induced. You're right, the constant messages from family and friends are hard, people mean well but it's just yet another reminder to you that baby's not here yet!

I'm 40 weeks today with my second and gearing myself up for this baby going overdue too 🙈 I had a cancelled c section this week and no real plan from here onwards. The one sweep I had last week showed my cervix is nowhere near ready!

All I can say is same as the above posters (and I'm trying to tell my miserable self right now!)- try and keep busy, lots of nice things to eat/drink/watch, keep active and know it's not forever although it feels that way right now 💜

@PickledScrump thank you. I went and had a bath last night at my MILs as we don't have one. It was really relaxing and then I felt I had period pains after but again nothing this morning. The problem is exactly what you've said - I'm all in my head and with every day that passes I'm more anxious and stressed that something is going to go wrong or that I'll not have the birth I want. Its like I can be positive for so long and then I just cry. Thank you for the suggestions.

@Pink Pamplemousse it's so difficult. I haven't seen anyone talk about this part of pregnancy and I know very few people who have gone over so it feels like I just wasn't prepared for this. Thank you for your message xx

@Recoba that's reassuring. Does a pessary mean you can still try and have a natural birth? I've got the midwife today in a few hours and will take the sweep. I just want to know if I'm even close. Thank you xx

I had my first at 41+4 I think, its so hard at the end, nothing more I can other than what other posters have already said, just sending you positive oxytocin inducing vibes!!

You need to get the oxytocin flowing asap, watch mushy movies, watch comedy shows something that really makes you laugh out loud, sniff some clary sage oil and go walking walking walking every day. Bounce on a birthing ball any time you can. They put so much pressure on you at the end it's hard to stay positive. I would decline a sweep personally as if labour is already on its way there's no point to a sweep and if it's not you're just increasing your stress hormones and introducing bacteria into your body, both things you don't need. Do all the things that relax you, have a bath, have sex, comedy, good luck

Do you have an exercise ball? Like you I knew my conception date and ended up going into labour on my due date, so dead on 40. I was anticipating being early as my family history is all early babies so was very frustrated by this point. What ended up pushing me into labour was a long walk followed by a long bounce on an exercise ball!

I had my daughter at 42 weeks, I'd gone into labour but ended up having an emergency C-section because there was a risk of cord prolapse. It wasn't what I wanted at all and I was terrified but it was actually a very calm experience with ok recovery, just in case you do get to that point so you know it doesn't have to be the awful experience you've probably built it up to being in your head!

@EdithGrantham thank you for this. I think my head is already on a C Sec now as I feel like I've lost all positivity and belief in myself to do anything other.

@apric0t @ScarlettBeauregarde yes, have an exercise ball and been on it loads. Also have a dog so daily walks have been done. Done the bath and that only brought on slight period pains. I don't know how anyone can feel like having sex at this point. Hubby and I are in agreement it would just be uncomfortable for us. Feel like I've done all of these things - clearly my body isn't great at producing oxytocin. Or baby just isn't ready.

@TheLovleyChebbyMcGee thank you!

@FirsttimemummrsJ why have you got a c-section in your head? Induction is more likely, and being past due date you might just need the pessary which will just kickstart things.

Have you thought about just asking for an induction anyway? The stress of waiting is probably not doing you any good, and might even be delaying things (your body will avoid giving birth if it thinks you're in danger).

You're saying you know all these things and they haven't worked so nothing is going to work. You're in a negative headspace where you will be producing cortisol. You cant produce cortisol and oxytocin at the same time. And you need oxytocin to start things off. If you don't want to have sex, maybe you could give yourself an orgasm solo? Not the sexiest thing at 9 months pregnant but you need to get the hormones flowing. Can't recommend comedy shows enough too, you need your pelvic floor to soften and open and nothing does that better than laughing at something so much you almost pee.

I had my first baby by elective C section (breech) at 38 weeks.
I had my second baby naturally at 39 weeks. Long labour with a few complications at the end.
I had my third baby at 41+5, easiest by far. Didn't think baby was ever going to arrive! Very quick birth, very straightforward, No problems at all.
Good luck!

Please don't put too much emphasis on what the midwife says your cervix is doing as it is meaningless. I had a 'sweep' where my very experienced midwife could barely reach it, it was firm, long and closed. I laboured 24 hours later. I am also a midwife and have done examinations on women who are 2-3cm and they are still pregnant 2 weeks later. It isn't indicative of when you will labour. I would try and get some reflexology from someone specialised in pregnancy if I were you.

I had my DD 40+12 contractions started around 3am and she was born at 7:30pm

Woke up every morning crying saying she was never going to come, she did come and yours will too. Sending a lot of love and strength to you because I remember how hard it was waiting, especially when the doctors want you to induce because of dates.

How are you feeling @FirsttimemummrsJ ? 💜

My mum had me (I was her first baby) and I was almost 3 weeks late! So it was 41-42 weeks. The nurses said I loved being in there and didn't want to come out LOL. Take it as a compliment, your baby loves being near you.

Also I slept so well so hopefully your baby is the same. After the newborn phase I slept for 12 hours straight every night. 😴

I went into natural labour the morning of 42 weeks. All was well with baby. Last part is hard but you are so close now to having them in your arms 🥰

If you know the weekend you conceived and know that you are really 40+2 I would try not to stress too much. I know it's hard but baby will arrive when they are ready. I think the average is something like 40+5

I was induced at 42 + 1 as I couldn’t take the scaremongering any longer. Escalations led to c section. Wish I’d stayed calm and waited. It’s so hard!