Family cold about my 3rd pregnancy

[Ladybird1821]

Hi,

I'm am currently 10 weeks pregnant and we have just announced we are having a much wanted 3rd baby. My in-laws were overjoyed and super excited to be having another grandchild, but my parents were the opposite. There was no "congratulations" "lovely news" "brilliant, another grandchild" etc etc, what I had was:

"Oh right! Are you happy about this?" "So this wasn't an accident, it was planned?" " Seeing as you have a son and a daughter already, we didn't think there was a need to have any more children". Since then my dad has given me the cold shoulder and limited eye contact and I feel my conversations with my mum is forced.

Deep down I knew my parents wouldn't be as excited about baby no3 as much as my 1st and 2nd children. I also knew my 3rd baby would be labelled "an accident" when he/she definitely isn't. Even though I expected all of this from them, it's still hard to stomach. They've squashed all the happiness and joy of being pregnant with my 3rd and LAST child. They've made me feel like a 14 year old school girl and not a 40 year old married woman. This is only the first step and I am yet to tell other family members (my brother who's the most opinionated person ever), my grandmother and aunty.

My husband tells me to ignore their reactions and to just enjoy being in our pregnancy bubble. This is the time I should be surrounded by happy, excited and joyous people, but I'm having to deal with negative opinions and comments. I feel like I've done something wrong.

I'm wondering if anyone has or gone through something similar? Any advice?

Many thanks

Unless you rely on them for money or childcare it's none of their business.. Give them a swerve for now and enjoy your news!.
Congratulations! I had a dc in my 40's and actually fell out with a close friend after a rather negative comment..

Is childcare an issue?

No advice, but I’m 8 weeks pregnant with number 3 and assuming it’s viable, I’m worried about telling family for the same reason - I really doubt that they will be happy for us. They don’t provide any financial or practical support and we don’t need/ask them to, so why do I feel like a naughty child confessing to something I’ve done wrong?!?

Assuming there is no relevant context then it might be time to back away from them. If I were to become pregnant with a third child my parents wouldn’t be especially pleased but that is because it would be dangerous for me and they would be worried.

@Ladybird1821

Deep down I knew my parents wouldn't be as excited about baby no3

Why did you know they wouldn’t be excited?

I feel like you’re missing an important piece of information here.

There will be a reason why they are not too happy. It could be out of concern for themselves, eg childcare, their own finances. It concern for you eg your health, the state of your marriage, your finances, health of your child.

Your dads reaction is quite strong. If you honestly can’t fathom yourself why he is unhappy, just ask him.

Yep, my in laws did this. And I wouldn’t mind but they had more kids than me !
They didn’t open an account for my last child, but they had for the others.

Not for a couple of years but we are thinking of having number 3. We also have a DD and DS. I know full well my parents will not be impressed but it's your life not theirs! Thats what I'm trying to remember.

I kept saying no I'm done at 2 but thinking about number 3 all the time. I then realised the only reason I thought I didn't want number 3 is because my mum would be mad! If a friend told me that I would tell them to ignore their mum!

It’s really impossible to comment at all without any context. There are quite a few legitimate reasons why a third baby might cause concern or worry. Are you in a good financial position? Do you have any relevant health concerns?

Hi @Ladybird1821 congratulations on your pregnancy! Xx
You have a very supportive husband, that is so lovely, for me that is the most important thing. I know it's not nice but please ignore them and enjoy this amazing pregnancy bubble.

Enjoy every moment ❤xx

I'm also confused why your parents would care and why the parents of other posters were so negative about a third grandchild. Childcare or financial concerns make sense I guess but if that isn't an issue, why would it be an issue for them? Climate change? Jealousy that they couldn't afford a third? Disgust because you are still having sex?

It just seems so bizarre to have such a negative reaction about it.

Best of luck with pregnancy OP and I hope you can ignore them and get back to feeling excited.

Oh, I'm so sorry, OP. The first thing my Mum said was 'oh, a little whoopsie baby is it?!' Later she came up with 'I suppose it's fine, the third one raises itself doesn't it?'

Not what I was hoping for, but definitely what I was expecting. The only thing you can do (and I know it's difficult) is think to yourself, 'gosh, how incredibly rude!' and carry on. I am also coping by sharing her reaction with my friends and family, as an amusing anecdote. The more amused I pretend to be, the less I find myself actually caring.

Congratulations and good luck and just enjoy your family unit. Its nothing to do with your parents unless you live with them and they pay for everything its none of their business.

I'm expecting my third too. I don't understand the way for some people having two is almost a religious commandment, with no understanding that people are different.

Thank you all for your kind messages and advice, it's very much appreciated. It's sad to hear there's people out there like me who's having difficulty with family members who are being negative.

In answer to some questions, I don't depend on my parents financially. I'm in a very fortunate position that I was able to give up my job 5 years ago and raise our beautiful children. We don't claim a single penny of benefits, my amazing husband supports us financially (and emotionally when it comes to my family). Our children aren't spoilt but we make sure they don't go without and we have good quality family time doing fun activities. So there shouldn't be any issues here with money worries and they can't stay that our children will suffer when the 3rd baby is born.

I don't rely on my parents (or in-laws) for childcare as I'm a stay at home mum. So there's no issues here either.

I'm in perfect health and so is my husband and children. I have had 2 normal pregnancies and straight forward labours with my children (and I'm keeping my fingers cross that everything goes well with baby no3).

I guess I'll never know what their problem is. I've decided not to confront them either as I don't want them to fake their happiness. My husband and I have decided to have a get together with HIS family only and have a small celebration so I know there are some family members who are happy about our news.

Thanks again all, and I wish those who are going through the same issues as me, the best of luck.

Oh OP I can see why this is upsetting, some family members have such weird expectations of other people’s lives it’s baffling. We were in a similar position and sadly had a MC after DS2, my dad’s response was “maybe it’s just nature’s way of saying you should only have 2”. I’m currently 36 weeks pregnant and my parents have become less vocal about their disdain, they love my 2 DS so I can’t understand their reluctance but we just ignore it now for the sake of my 2 DS!