Third pregnancy - fear and panic

[Clarity16]

Hello there,

Yesterday I found out I was pregnant with what could be my third child. So very, very early. We have been trying for a couple of months and I thought I would be ecstatic, but instead I find myself filled with fear and wondering if it's a terrible mistake. I already have two wonderful children, a boy and a girl, who have a great sibling relationship - they would be almost 6 and 3.5 when this one potentially arrived.
I just feel like we have it so good, what was I thinking? What are the positives? This would mean such a step backwards to sleepless nights, less time for our existing children, less money, having to share bedrooms. I feel heartbroken at the prospect.
Yet equally, I had a termination in the past and really struggled with the aftermath. I never thought it's something that I would consider again, yet here I am.
I feel like such a fool 😢

Just any support would be welcome. I don't think I can have a termination, but I need to find a way to feel positive about this and not like I'm ruining everybody's life.

I think this is a completely natural and normal response even to a much wanted pregnancy, OP! You haven't ruined anything. You've been trying for months, try to remember all the very valid reasons you wanted this baby. Congratulations.

Thank you. I feel like I can't remember my reasons aside from being broody?! I feel so terrible.

Hi @Clarity16 it's totally normal to feel fear and panic. Honestly, it's going to be ok. I am 1 of 3, it really was great having two siblings to come home to.
Don't worry about anything, enjoy your pregnancy xx

Oooh, I could have written this a few weeks ago! I have a 6 and 3 year old who just LOVE each other and I felt like I was ruining their lives for no reason. DH came up with some good points to cling on to:

1. They both love kids but are socially awkward like their parents. Another sibling gives them another human to practice interacting with 😂
2. Ours have no cousins and this will be the extent of their generation at some point. They will definitely appreciate that at some point.
3. When we asked them if they'd like a sibling, they both gave a firm yes. Unfortunately they both definitely want a boy...
4. We are now professional baby wranglers. I will go to bed at 8 with the kids, DH takes the baby and a bottle until at least 12, preferably longer, while I enjoy uninterrupted sleep and earplugs. I can do anything with 4hrs uninterrupted sleep.

I'm sure there are more but I cling to these in moments of despair. I hope at least some of them are relevant to you!

Thank you. Something I had thought was that they only have two cousins, and I originally had this dream of a big close family.
I'm just feeling like I had the 'perfect' family as we are and it's easy now, why did I want this?!

Don’t stress OP, I’m currently 36 weeks pregnant with our third and have had many moments of what have we done?! My DS are 4 and 2 so most of our friends and family think we are mad having a 3rd. The way I always feel calmer about it is picturing family meals/ Christmas in 20 years time and knowing we always wanted 3 faces at the dinner table. It’s going to be tough the first few years but most things in life have a bit of sacrifice to get to where you want!

Thank you, that does help. It just feels like such a mad roll of the dice to have done. A couple of my friends are in the 'one and done' camp and I keep hearing about how much harder 3 is. I only found out yesterday so I need to give myself time, but I keep crying. I know hormones won't be helping.

Honestly OP, I seem to know loads of people with 3 DCs and they seem to say that the transition from 0 to 1, or 1 to 2, was tough, but the 3rd just slotted in! I think there's many great things about having a bigger family. Yes, it's back to the baby stage for a while, which is daunting, but bigger families are lovely when they get older! Wishing you all few best.

*all the best!

Thank you. I hope so. The termination thoughts keep popping up but I really don't think I could do it for a multitude of reasons, so I now desperately need to find all the positives.

It'll feel much better at 12 weeks when some of the hormones have effed off. It'll be amazing when you get to hand a tiny baby to your kids and see their reactions (er, probably). It'll be three years until everything feels less manic... but that's actually not very long. It will be worth it for the big Christmas table and the mad family holidays. The only thing I can't muster any enthusiasm for is the birthday parties 💀

Thank you. I really hope so. I never expected to feel like this.

OP I felt the same as you, I had the termination, regretted it, got pregnant again immediately and am now currently sat feeding my 2 month old.

The older two absolutely adore the newest member of the family, and whilst going to the baby stage is a bit of a faff, having three is great and I'm so glad we did it.

I agree with PP hormones can really take over and skew your thinking (this happened with my previous pregnancy and I was distraught).

Thank you. How did you feel when you discovered you were pregnant after the termination? Did any of those feelings resurface?
I wonder if it's hormonal but never felt this way with my two children.

It's the prospect of doing it all again feels so exhausting. We put so much time into our current children and nurturing there interests - it's like I can't imagine being able to do it again from scratch? And I worry about my current two missing out. And I've just got back into the swing on work. But obviously I thought about these things before getting pregnant but they didn't seem big things then. I don't know if my thinking is irrational or not.
But I'm so scared that I'll regret it forever. I don't think I can handle the grief of at

*their interests

Hi @Clarity16

Some of the feelings did resurface when I got pregnant again but I knew how terrible I felt after the termination and that overall I wanted to be pregnant.

I really focused on all the reasons I wanted a third. I think I had a list on my phone of all the positives.

Also for me, it's a long term thing... I've never been keen on the newborn stage and even third time round it feels a little bit like something to get through (I'm enjoying it, but I know they only get better and more fun as time goes on iyswim).

Hi @Clarity16 i just wondered how you are feeling now?

Im in exactly the same boat including the ages and sexes of DC1 and 2 and I just feel like maybe I made a terrible mistake.

Hi@Clarity16 any update?? Find myself in similar situation now. X.

How are you all feeling now?