When do you tell people you're pregnant?

[NadjaCravensworth1]

I had 2 miscarriages before my DD was born and am trying again, last month I had a chemical pregnancy, it happened the day after I told my DH I had a positive test. My miscarriages were both missed and so I went a while thinking I was much further along. I remember feeling so silly, that I was stupid for telling anyone before I knew for sure. If I get pregnant again I just don't know when to tell my partner, my parents etc (we're very close and I see them all the time) - tempted to wait for a scan but it feels quite lonely. I just can't get over that almost embarrassment of announcing I'm pregnant and then it disappearing. Also the pressure, the constant people feeling sorry for you. i know it's not a reasonable response but anyway I was just wondering when people in a similar position told their partners/parents?

I haven't been in that situation before, but I would tell your partner straight away, so they can support you, no matter what the outcome.

not until they notice

I have always thought of it as, would I want that person to know in the event i had a miscarriage? If so, I’d tell them early on. If not, I’d keep it quiet.

I do understand what you mean about people feeling sorry for you…it’s like you have to manage their emotions as well as your own when you tell them.

First pregnancy told at 12 weeks (1st child)

Second pregnancy miscarried at 8 weeks so only close family knew

Third pregnancy told at 12 weeks but miscarried at 17 weeks.

Fourth pregnancy told at 25 weeks. (2nd child)

Definitely this, especially my mum, but she is a great source of support also so it's hard.

I told my mum at 6 weeks. In the past I hid it and it ended in a miscarriage. This time I knew i'd need her support if it happened again. Told my DH straight away too

Currently 22 weeks and no one else in the family other than our parents/siblings know

@modgepodge same thought as you. We told my parents and MIL a few days after we found out both times. I'm very close with my mother and was super bloated this time, I doubt I would have made it past 6 weeks without her noticing x

Hi @NadjaCravensworth1 i told my husband, mum and sister as soon as i found out. It's good to have the support. You're totally right about it being lonely if no one knows xx

I've had four miscarriages. Told dh straight away as it's half his. Would have felt deceptive not to. You could discuss with dh what he wants you to do and come up with an approach you're both happy with. I told close family within a few days every time and close friends when it came up, which tended to be pretty quickly as they generally knew about my fertility treatment so would ask. I'd tell them if I miscarried, so that was my logic.

I always waited until 14 weeks as I thought that the pregnancy was relatively safe at that stage, but I had a late miscarriage at 16 1/2 weeks with last pregnancy and it was awful as I had to tell people I wasn't pregnant anymore.

Im debating this, currently.
First pregnancy, via fertility treatment, no one knows.
I want to tell my mom and some close friends... but what if it doesnt work out?
I definitely do NOT want to manage peoples emotions. This is why I havent told anyone I was doing my transfer last week.

But it also feels quite lonely, to not tell a single sould until 12 weeks or so... And I doubt I would be able to keep it a secret anyway, as the not drinking would be difficult to explain away.

So Im torn... And Im defintiely waiting a few more days...

Lost my first baby at 10 weeks. Only my mum / DH / best friend knew I was pregnant.

Told people as I went along with my second baby. At 10 weeks I told people outside of family.

First pregnancy - told everyone and their granny and miscarried a few days later at around 6 weeks

Second pregnancy - told immediate family on both sides at 7-8 weeks just before the heartbeat scan. Then told close friends closer to 12 weeks

Third pregnancy (currently in hospital being induced😆) - told immediate family right away and then told close friends at 8 weeks once we had the heartbeat scan. Told my employer at 9 weeks which was the day I returned back from maternity leave 😆 then everyone else found out at 12 weeks!

I’m 21 weeks with IVF baby. Obviously DH knew from the get go given what we had to go through to get there!

My parents, very close friends and very closest work colleague also knew about my treatment so knew as soon as I was pregnant. If I had got pregnant naturally I wouldn’t have told so many people but I really needed the support and especially cover for work during my IVF.

I told my boss and wider circles of friends at 14 weeks after we got the NIPT result back.

Just had my 20 week scan and told my mum she can tell our extended family, who I am not close to and never see but she’s excited and wants to share the news with them.

I agree it’s a matter of whether you would be ok having to tell those same people difficult news. If you are feeling lonely and need the support then maybe tell those closest to you but share your fears as well. In the early days I said I didn’t want congrats, I didn’t want to talk about it much, I just wanted them to know. First trimester is the worst, it’s so lonely, hope all goes well x

I told my parents a few days after we found out, as I wanted their support and also there were circumstances that would have otherwise meant lying.

Told HR at 6 weeks as it was impacting work.

Told in-laws at 8 weeks after heartbeat scan.

Currently 10 weeks.

Planning to slowly start telling others as I see them after 12 week scan, as my avoidance of certain things and the bloating will be making things pretty obvious.

First pregnancy, mainly just OH's family (miscarried at 11 weeks and wish I'd had a couple more people who knew I was pregnant for support).

Second pregnancy, told a number of close friends and family (not my family as we're not close) at various points. Had bad news scans from 7 weeks, finally had surgical management of missed miscarriage at 10+ weeks last week. Have been so so glad to have the emotional support bubble around me. No one expects me to regulate their emotions, quite the opposite, they've just been there for me no question asked x

First pregnancy only dh knew, told dh straight away. Was going to tell my mum the day of a private scan at 9 weeks, turned out it was a missed miscarriage, I still told her that day it was just not happy news like I was expecting.

Second pregnancy was more cautious. Told dh straight away. My mum guessed at 9 weeks when I said I was going for a blood test. Told dh’s mum at 14weeks with a scan photo and close family that week as well. Told close friends at 19 weeks only because it was the next social event otherwise I would have waited until the 20 week scan.

Currently 10 weeks, told my two best friends who have children under 1 and obviously my DH straight away.

Told my manager and HR and my work bestie as I’ve been really sick and it’s been quite difficult to hide at work.
Plan on telling family at 12 week scan and everyone else just as and when we see them.

I’ve found the experience really quite tough and lonely and my body is already dramatically changing and I don’t know what I would have done without those few confidants, they’ve been such a great support in what is quite a tough rollercoaster of emotions.

Congratulations OP 💗

@DiscoBallEmoji it's tough isn't it. The time when you often need most support is traditionally when few people know.

Rang my best friend the minute I saw the two lines and then gradually told my other close chums. Told the in-laws around 7 weeks and still have a few people to tell but will wait until the 12 week scan, although I am starting to show so people have probably already guessed. I'm 11 weeks on Tuesday 🎉

I don't announce till after anomaly scan. Have a disabled brother and get quite worried about this. Told work at 23 weeks with my current one. (Was going to wait till 25 weeks - legal time - but was starting to look obvious!)

This is why I stopped telling people after the first couple and I hadn’t told many thankfully. When I finally managed to get past the first trimester we told our parents at 15 weeks and then everyone else including siblings after our 20 week scan.

I haven’t been in your situation (10 weeks, first pregnancy), I told DH as soon as I suspected, then our parents and a few friends at 8-9 weeks because I was going to a festival and knew I couldn’t hide it. If something happens, I’d want them to know and have their support.

I miscarried our first so second time around my DH didn't want to tell anybody until as late as possible but I did tell my parents and sister. I kept wearing loose clothes to hide it and ignored any pregnancy related random comments.

Close family - as soon as I found out.

Everyone else - 3 months, on a need to know basis.

Employer - 3 months.