Second pregnancy- not sure I’m ready.

[CJ92]

I really need some advice.

I’ve just discovered I’m pregnant. Making me around 5/6 weeks. I already have one baby who is 19months old and the love of mine and my husbands life.

The second pregnancy has come as a complete shock. We weren’t trying at all, but I must have got my fertile dates wrong and here we are …

I am just about to start a brand new job and feel awful about walking into the job in September and announcing I’m pregnant and needing time off already. And there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to have to do that.
Also, the thought of going back to the newborn stage fills me with dread, let alone coping with a toddler too. My husband is really supportive and backs whatever decision I/We make. However, I can’t make one. I wish it was as simple as that.
Some days I feel like I can do this, and we will be fine. Other days i feel so disconnected from the baby that I just can’t do it.

If I was to terminate I would like to do it sooner than later as I would like to make sure it can be done by taking a tablet. However I don’t know what I want to do.
I wish someone could wave a wand and show me my life with both options…

I feel so confused and horrific about the whole thing.

Advice would be much appreciated!

It's a very personal decision. I wouldn't terminate a pregnancy on those grounds, but I'm not you.

The only person who has to "give" you permission to do it, is you.

I would just ask yourself how you would feel in the most likely worse case scenarios.

1. You terminate the pregnancy for this new job and you hate the job
2. You terminate and struggle to or can't get pregnant again
3. You have the baby and struggle managing everything else

I would also ask yourself where do you see your family five, ten, fifteen years from now.

Hope you find peace with whatever you decide.

The timing may not be as you wanted but the joy of a new baby and a sibling for your child will overuse your feelings of doubt one the initial surprise has worn off.

Is there ever going to be a 'right' time to have another baby? You may be putting off having a baby forever if that's the case!

The age gap between the two will be great when they are older and you are out and about doing things as a family and holidays etc.

I think that would end up being a wonderful age gap between your kids. Tough initially of course (a toddler and a newborn are never going to be a walk in the park) but close enough in age that they can grow up together and play together and have common interests.
Obviously you need to do what's right for you, but do try to think beyond the early baby stage and immediate future. What does your family look like when you picture it in 10 years?

Your new job won't really mind as long as you give them good notice. I was due to start at a new school and then found I was pregnant - we had just given up on a 2nd DC! I felt terribly awkward about it, but to aany business this is just something that they deal with - maternity leave is just a normal part of running an organisation and no big deal. Nobody has held it against me at all or treated me any differently.

Remember your toddler will change a lot in the next 7/8 months. Think back to what they were like at 11 months and think how different they are now.

I can we that if you do abort you would rather doit as early as possible. But take your time a bit -this is an irreversible decision, you want to get it right.

No advice I’m afraid but I’m in exactly the same position. I’m currently 9 weeks pregnant with a 19 month old and so worried I won’t be able to cope with two. It doesn’t help that I feel terrible this time around, I can barely get out of bed most days.

My DH keeps telling me we will be ok and I’m sure we will be but if I had my way I’d skip the next 2 years!

Hey,
I couldn’t read & not respond. Really sorry to hear you are in this situation, same one I found myself in in June last year.
My daughter was just over 2 when I found out I was pregnant, unexpectedly and not planned. I was absolutely torn with what I wanted to do. My husband is a pilot and hadn’t flown for 2 years thanks to covid and had just started a temp flying job with no definite it would become permanent so he’d be back to unemployed after 6 months. I was just in the pipeline of applying for a new job at work which was a promotion and pretty much guaranteed to be given to me.
Along with a few other health factors we decided to terminate - something I never thought I’d have to go through in life. My husband was completely on my side, he said he would support me whatever we decided. I ended up going through BPAS and got the tablets within 2 days. It was heartbreaking but looking back it was definitely the right decision for us at that time.
A year later, my husband is in a permanent flying role, I got the promotion & I am now 20 weeks pregnant which was planned & I fell pregnant straight away.
I think do whatever your gut is telling you - you know your situation better than anyone on here.
Feel free to message me if you need any advice. Lots of love xx

Thank you. I’ve private messaged you 😊

That's a brilliant age gap, my two are the same and family life has been smooth with lots of activities we can all do together as the likes aren't too far apart in age. Having a baby and a toddler isn't easy but that time is soon through.
I also asked my eldest and literally couldn't imagine living another child as much. But when second was born I was taken by surprise (shouldn't have been but I was) not by how much I loved the second, though that was part of it, but by how loving the second do fiercely didn't take away from the love for the first in any way. 🙃
The other thing I loved was how becoming a big brother brought out a while side to my Ds that we would never have known existed, he grew in stature and confidence overnight.
So, I suppose I'm saying that don't dismiss it because it wasn't planned, in life plans aren't always the thing that matters.

Adored my eldest