Nan or not?

[TashLou90]

Hi all, pregnant with my first and need some advice. I don't speak to my birth mother, ties were severed long ago. I do however speak to my stepmum but growing up she wasn't the kindest to me. I am now unsure if she should have the title as "Nan" or just have our child know her by her name. Whilst me and my brother were growing up she wasn't the most motherly stepmum, her biological daughter always came first with anything, we were never allowed to see my dad without her present. However since I've grown up, she's changed a little bit and is a bit more tolerable. My husband says she doesn't deserve to be called Nan but I'm stuck in the middle. I just want to know your opinions on what you would do? Thanks x

No, my kids call my dad’s partner by her first name.
I think it’s disrepectful to you mum, and the step mum’s kids if she has any, to call her Nan.
‘But it’s your call, and your DH does have a say in it.

Our boy knows his step grandparents by Grand + name. For instance Grand Peter. It differentiates them from their biological grandparents while still acknowledging them as important in our family unit.

Absolutely not . Remember how she made you feel growing up . She doesn't deserve the title using her everyday name isn't rude she was given it to be called that .

FIL's current partner is absolutely wonderful and has always been lovely (even to MIL who can be a tricky character). She's known as Auntie + name as even though she's practically perfect in every way, she's not actually a granny. This was her decision though, she didn't want to tread on anyone's toes.

The ex-wife was a witch who made SIL's childhood awful so we probably would have just called her by her name. Or Fartface, possibly.

Nope.. I would leave that decision to your child when they are older. If they end up spending a lot of time with her and then decide when they are big enough they want to call her Nan then so be it, otherwise just leave it

My husband's step mother has her own special name which my son calls her that isn't nan or granny etc. Could that be an option?

No she hasn’t earned the title.

Nah she was cruel to two children and isolated them from their one remaining biological parent. I would just use her first name.
Frankly I’d be questioning your dad for allowing that too really. But presumably you are attempting to move past it for an easy life. Regardless I certainly wouldn’t care what either of their feelings are on the subject.

MIL was always know by just her first name to her step-grandchildren, now that I think about it. She was a perfect step-grandmother to them and never misses a birthday or Christmas even now she's been divorced for a decade, but it was never appropriate for them to call her anything else.

I wouldn't, try to imagine her rejecting the title as well which is a possibility and would cause even more bad feeling or even worse accepting it and then rejecting it once her daughter has children.

I would just refer to her by her name, that's what she has earned imo.

Thanks everyone. You've pretty much said exactly what I already knew deep down. Think I just needed a few other peoples opinions aswell. As I said, she was awful and manipulative when I was younger, unfortunately my dad wanted "a quiet life" and didn't stop her but I'm older now and letting that go. Fortunately I'm not that timid kid anymore and won't let her be like that with me now so she's a little better. As some have said, I can't allow my child to call her Nan after what she did to me and my brother. I will definitely not allow her to treat my child the way she treated us. Again, thanks guys!!❤️❤️