Expecting my third baby after a big age gap, and nesting has begun.
This means everything is cleaned until it’s more sterile than a hospital, and if anyone touches anything, especially the clean baby clothes/toys/bedding etc, then I get extremely stressed and re wash them. I dettoled the pram handles when my friend had a practise push of it, I didn’t even think at the time how rude it appeared, I just wanted it clean. DP is a mechanic and often comes home with black stained hands and clothes. I don’t trust his hand washing skills as I often have to tell him he’s left the white towel black and needs to re wash his hands, so I’ve essentially forbidden him from touching the baby things. I know it’s unfair because it’s his baby too, but at the moment everything feels threatening with the overwhelming fear of dirt and germs on baby items. My 2 children are very well trained (haha) and know to wash their hands regularly so they don’t trigger this feeling, but everyone else makes me want to scream.
Im aware it’s not ‘normal’ to be this hygienic and paranoid, but the same thing happened when I had my other 2 children. It got worse when they were born, and I’d be a nervous wreck when people held them. Not because I didn’t trust them or want to share my baby around, but because I was panicking about the germs on their hands/clothes transferring to my baby. I’d scrub everything they touched once they’d left, even scrubbing the floor on my hands and knees a day after giving birth because of the germs. I knew nothing would happen to my babies because of germs, but I couldn’t control it. I’m expecting the same thing to happen this time too.
I know it’s likely caused by high hormone levels, and I know it will pass like it did before, but even knowing it will happen is making me anxious because it’s tiring and hard work to keep it up. DP is aware and supportive, he knows to respect how I’m feeling at that time to avoid triggering me, whereas my ex (dad of my 2 children) was very abusive over it and made me feel like a bad mum, and would purposely make the house dirty to laugh at me cleaning. No one understood and his family said I had postnatal psychosis, despite the fact it eventually wore off and I didn’t need any medical help for it.
Has anyone else experienced this? I guess I just need some stories that I’m not mentally unwell and it is a common part of pregnancy and having a newborn? My midwife knows and says she would only be concerned if it didn't stop and I showed signs of depression alongside it.