Baby shower with second baby?

[FurBabyMum02]

I'm 22 weeks with my second baby and MIL wants to host a baby shower for me in the autumn, due November. I never had one with my first as it was all Durning COVID so she says I've missed out and is excited to host one this time. I'm not sure though, so thought I'd seek some opinions. I'm not against it per day, I did feel sad I didn't get that experience with my first but it feels a bit late now. Reasons I'm unsure are:

-its my second and feels a bit weird for that reason, I don't expect gifts but DHs family are big on that kind of thing and celebrating every occasion and we don't need anything this time other than big stuff like an additional car seat. I don't want them to buy lots of Nik naks we don't need, we are having a girl this time aswell so I know they will go all in with the girl theme as our first was a boy

-im not sure I'm comfortable being the centre of attention, at big family gatherings I'm usually quite happy on the side talking to a few people, and it's a BIG family,would be round 30 people probably

• what would we do? I can imagine all the usual baby shower games are about the silly side of not knowing what to expect (we had a nappy changing speed test at my cousin's for example) but we know all that stuff now, and we know the gender so no gender guessing etc, all feels a little forced

-MIL is keen for my sister to be part of the planning but I'm very conscious of her own fertility struggles, while she's super happy for us and excited to be an aunty again i know that she's finding it hard as she has struggled to have one of her own and I now have 2. I don't want to make it harder on her than it already is.

What would you do?

i don’t personally like the whole baby shower thing. From what you have said it sounds as though you would feel awkward and be worried about other people. If you won’t enjoy it then politely decline. Just say you appreciate the thought but are uncomfortable with it.

I’d thank her for the offer and firmly decline. I’d also be clear that I wasn’t up for a surprise do if she’s the type to ignore your wishes. I’m not anti showers and have organised several, but I didn’t have one for either of mine as I really really didn’t want one.

MIL is being incredibly insensitive about your sister, why?!

Hi @FurBabyMum02 congratulations on your pregnancy xx
I went to my SIL's baby shower and omg it was so fun. It was just in the garden, beautiful picnic, games, laughing, music, friends and family. Very lovely moment which i won't forget.
But.... tbh i wouldn't want a baby shower but i know if it was a surprise and i didn't know about it i'd love it. It's just the thought of it puts me off.
If your MIL wants to host then she should take the lead and shouldn't involve your sister.
If you do have the baby shower, have a lovely day xx

I had my first during Covid and am pregnant again, I think I will have a baby shower as I didn’t get to last time - but I am thinking of it as more of a celebration/ get together than a “shower”.
You can always say you’d prefer not to have any games. You could also ask for no gifts - I have seen people host baby showers where everyone brings a packet of wipes or nappies which could be handy? Or i attended a baby shower which had a note on the invite which basically said they had everything they needed for baby so no need to bring anything, but if we did want to bring a present they would prefer a book for baby with a handwritten note from us which I thought was a nice idea!

I think I will do an afternoon tea somewhere nice with close friends and family - it doesn’t have to be anything more than that but absolutely have one if you want to, it is what you make it.

I had my first baby in COVID and was a bit sad on all the things I missed out on including a baby shower too.

Currently pregnant (early days) with my 2nd and know my mum will bring it up when she finds out. As a previous poster has suggested, I think I'd also rather do more of a celebration with close family and friends. For example an afternoon tea somewhere or a lunch out would be nice and could work for your situation too? It means you can just socialise with everyone and have a nice time and you don't have to play the games and all that sort of stuff. But your MIL can maybe do some small decorations and little bits if she wants to.

There's baby showers and then there's baby showers, just like hen dos they come in all shapes and sizes.

Why not think about what kind of thing you might like - silly games and novelty straws? Classy afternoon tea? Garden party with friends? Baby vest decorating at your house? And if there's something that appeals you can share that with her and plan it together.

Thank you for the replies so far. I like the idea of an alternative style something I hadn't thought of that so will definitely consider what kind of thing I might actually like as it would be nice to have a small celebration. To answer your question @AnneLovesGilbert my sister lives 3.5 hours away so MIL doesn't know her very well, although she's aware that she would like a child she's not really close to how it impacts my sister day to day and just thought it would be lovely to include her because my sis would know what kind of thing I would like