Feeling selfish

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I know this will come off as selfish but I need to vent.

I am not enjoying pregnancy. I was nauseous for the first few months and now I am just exhausted all the time. I know I’m lucky because many have worse symptoms but I am so tired of being tired.

I hate the way my body is changing. I’ve been the same size for half my life so the sudden change is disconcerting. I didn’t really have much confidence before but I at least knew my body and now I feel like I don’t. I can’t fit most of my clothes, I hate how I look and I hate that people feel the need to comment on my body every time I see them. I also hate people touching my belly. I’m only 21 weeks so can’t feel kicks by touching me but that doesn’t seem to stop them. I just hate that my body is no longer mine, I’m merely a vessel for carrying this child.

People no longer ask about or really talk to me. It’s all ‘how are you keeping?’ then jumping into baby talk.

I’m also sick of feeling judged for everything I do/don’t do. People seem to expect me to want to gush constantly about babies and to have some innate connection to it but honestly I feel like I am carrying a wee alien that is changing who I am.

i don’t feel like I can talk about this with anyone. I raised some of my concerns to my partner and he just told me to talk to my midwife. I don’t want to bring it up to them because I don’t want labelled or someone assuming I am depressed. I’m not depressed I’m just trying to get my head around how quickly my life has changed.

I know I will love my baby when they get here and I will adjust to all the changes, I’m just finding that it’s all hard with little reward just now.

Oh OP I can completely sympathise. I was exactly the same as you first time round. Had it a bit with my second pregnancy now but not as bad, I guess because I fully understand the end goal and how I will feel then.

Are you keeping active? I did lots of walking and Pilates with my first pregnancy and this helped me get to grips with my new body and keeping it supple and strong.

nothing you are feeling is wrong.

OP I can 100% relate to everything you've written. I don't think it's selfish at all! You're not saying you wish you weren't pregnant. You're saying you're finding the changes to your body and the changes in the way people talk to you difficult to deal with. It's a huge change for us!

I also hate people touching my belly and just step away when they do. I hate when friends or colleagues say 'how are you?' (often with a sympathetic face as if you must have something to complain about) and if you start talking about anything non baby related they just smile and nod, or continue asking until you do. I mean, I might be pregnant but there are still other things going on in my life to talk about!

I hate when people say 'you shouldn't lift that' 'do you want a decaff' 'its ok you're eating for two' ... Or any other nonsense assumption about what I should or shouldn't be doing with my own body.

I hate that I can't walk up the stairs or carry my toddler without feeling breathless.

I hate that Its been 5 months since I did a satisfying poo!!!

There's so much to hate about pregnancy and I don't think it's selfish at all to mourn those things. But when you're on your own with no one touching your bump or saying stupid things, and you're relaxed and you start to feel those kicks, trust me it's all worth it.

Please don’t feel selfish. These feelings are normal. I am feeling exactly the same with my pregnancy. So much so I contacted a mental health place recommended by my midwife and I start therapy next week.

Like you said, this is all temporary but please reach out if you can and get some advice or even someone to talk to for the remainder of your pregnancy. Please don’t even feel silly for reaching out, especially to your midwife. They are there to help and not judge. My main reason behind getting help was I wanted help now to try and avoid any sort of depression once baby is born.

Take care of yourself xx

A previous poster said there is so much to hate about pregnancy and they are so true!!!!

Honestly I am not enjoying mine. I’ve had sickness and nausea since week 7, I am just trying to get through the pregnancy to be honest. I desperately want my healthy baby and soon it will all be over.

This too shall pass.

Thanks all. Just reassuring to know I’m not alone!