Pregnant and stressed

jadey1991 · 2023-07-14T13:22:42+00:00

Hi, I need somewhere to vent a little. I am currently pregnant with my 4th baby(18 weeks+ 2 days). My other children are aged 14,8, and 19 months. I've been so stressed for the past year or so and now I'm more so stressed because I am pregnant again. My living conditions are stressing me out. I'm currently in a 2 bed flat with hubby and kids. I get rent paid half by housing benefit as I am on mat leave and hubby pays the rest. However trying to move is a struggle. The council are not helping em what so ever. They keep telling me to go private which I don't want to because ilwe can't afford it. My youngest daughter(8) my son(19 months) and me and hubby are in one room and eldest in her tiny y box room(I cannot get a bunk bed in here because the room is that small.) Any suggestions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

TeaKitten · 14/07/2023 14:27

Can you get a second job to earn more money to go private rented?

tweener · 14/07/2023 14:45

How are you on mat leave if you're only 18 weeks pregnant and your youngest is 19 months old?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 14/07/2023 16:17

I think you need to speak to a housing charity and be prepared to move area

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 14/07/2023 16:18

Also if you're in any position to buy your council flat, you could then sell it and move to a cheap area where more bedrooms are affordable

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 14/07/2023 16:37

I'm sorry, but I must ask. Why are you having a fourth child if two of the children you already had don't even have a room of their own/one to share with siblings? You can't really blame housing to be honest. It isn't their problem you can't private rent. If you can't private rent then don't have more children.

Peony654 · 14/07/2023 16:39

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 14/07/2023 16:37

I'm sorry, but I must ask. Why are you having a fourth child if two of the children you already had don't even have a room of their own/one to share with siblings? You can't really blame housing to be honest. It isn't their problem you can't private rent. If you can't private rent then don't have more children.

This is my thought to. Seems unfair to the others

Chanhedforthis · 14/07/2023 16:53

Well it sounds like you need to go private tbh op.

What does your hubby do for work? He may need to get an extra job or look for something better paid.

I hate to say it too but why on earth would you have a 4th if you're in a 2 bedroomed flat? This is your 4th child so hardly a 'whoopsie' moment with contraception.

Could you move privately to a different cheaper area?

Original poster

jadey1991 · 14/07/2023 17:45

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 14/07/2023 16:37

I'm sorry, but I must ask. Why are you having a fourth child if two of the children you already had don't even have a room of their own/one to share with siblings? You can't really blame housing to be honest. It isn't their problem you can't private rent. If you can't private rent then don't have more children.

I must quote that I was on contraception but unfortunately that failed and I fell pregnant. This wasn't a planned pregnancy at all as I had a difficult time with my last. Oh I must mention to that I don't believe on abortion so I decided to keep the baby. However as for housing I'm not blaming them as such but it would be nice if they could lead in a direction that will enable to me at least exchange or swap.

OP posts:

Original poster

jadey1991 · 14/07/2023 17:46

tweener · 14/07/2023 14:45

How are you on mat leave if you're only 18 weeks pregnant and your youngest is 19 months old?

Because my mat leave runs out next month with my son then I'm due back to work

OP posts:

Original poster

jadey1991 · 14/07/2023 17:46

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 14/07/2023 16:17

I think you need to speak to a housing charity and be prepared to move area

Thanks for your advice. Seems like you're the only one that hasn't judged me.

OP posts:

Original poster

jadey1991 · 14/07/2023 17:48

Chanhedforthis · 14/07/2023 16:53

Well it sounds like you need to go private tbh op.

What does your hubby do for work? He may need to get an extra job or look for something better paid.

I hate to say it too but why on earth would you have a 4th if you're in a 2 bedroomed flat? This is your 4th child so hardly a 'whoopsie' moment with contraception.

Could you move privately to a different cheaper area?

Hubby works 2 jobs. He works in security. I'm due back to work next month but I'll be limited to the things I can do as it's nhs policy

OP posts:

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 14/07/2023 18:01

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 14/07/2023 16:37

I'm sorry, but I must ask. Why are you having a fourth child if two of the children you already had don't even have a room of their own/one to share with siblings? You can't really blame housing to be honest. It isn't their problem you can't private rent. If you can't private rent then don't have more children.

There are lots of big families who get adequate social housing, which is a basic need. Op is allowed to be frustrated at her living conditions and her difficulties and stresses this causes.

Original poster

jadey1991 · 14/07/2023 18:04

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 14/07/2023 18:01

There are lots of big families who get adequate social housing, which is a basic need. Op is allowed to be frustrated at her living conditions and her difficulties and stresses this causes.

Show quote history

Thank you

OP posts:

TeaKitten · 14/07/2023 21:01

jadey1991 · 14/07/2023 17:46

Thanks for your advice. Seems like you're the only one that hasn't judged me.

Show quote history

I didn’t judge you… asking if you can increase your income to private rent is practical not judgy.

YorkshireIndie · 14/07/2023 21:16

Ask to be referred to the income maximisation team and housing team at your council. You should be classed as overcrowded at home with that number of children. If LA housing look at if you can swap houses with someone else

Still trying to work out how you are still on maternity leave with a 19M but that is beside the point

LivinDaylights · 14/07/2023 21:19

20 month maternity leave policy, wow where do you work? I thought my work were generous with 6 months full pay, up to 12 months off. Crazy you kept having kids in this situation though, your husband really should have had the snip if you don't believe in abortion and can't afford housing big enough to house your existing kids. If you want a bigger house you'll have to up your income and rent privately.

Mumoftwoinprimary · 14/07/2023 21:23

Op - where are you based? The 20 months maternity leave is making me think “not UK” which is important for giving housing advice.

Gloopyhoop · 14/07/2023 22:47

Mumoftwoinprimary · 14/07/2023 21:23

Op - where are you based? The 20 months maternity leave is making me think “not UK” which is important for giving housing advice.

I think she is in the UK. She mentioned limited capability with the NHS policy so presumably either she works for them or is following their guidance? I could be wrong though.

Luxell934 · 15/07/2023 07:10

19 months maternity leave means she’s unemployed surely.

Sunshinevibes91 · 15/07/2023 17:24

Hi op , have you tried citizens advice , maybe they could help you with the housing situation, it's way over crowded to be in a 2 bed flat with nearly 4 children . Or any local charities that could possibly help you. Hopefully there is someone close by then wants to downgrade into something smaller. If not maybe even social services could help on your behalf. Hopefully you can get something sorted before baby comes . X

ScrantonDunderMifflin · 15/07/2023 17:32

But maternity leave doesn't last 20 months.. Something doesn't add up

Sunshinevibes91 · 15/07/2023 19:25

ScrantonDunderMifflin · 15/07/2023 17:32

But maternity leave doesn't last 20 months.. Something doesn't add up

I know I did wonder that myself .. I had to return once my little boy was about 7 months old ... But was just trying to give advice about the housing situation.