Teenage Pregnancy, Scared to Death

[CLBliss]

I'm 17 and found out yesterday that I'm pregnant. I'm in a really happy relationship with a really good man, we've been together for very nearly a year.

I've only been pregnant for nearly 3 weeks, but I'm terrified of what's to come with the later months, the giving birth, and the raising a child.

We both know it's going to be hard, but I can't stop thinking about it! I want to get it out of my mind so that I can focus on what a beautiful thing this is, but I'm just so worried about the future

Well, it is really hard and the end of your life as you know it. I had a kid at 17 too.

I won't sugarcoat it, it's really really hard. I remember once googling "can I die from sleep deprivation" - still here, but fook it was a dark time.

Good luck!

I very genuinely considered trying to put my child up for adoption. I didn't because I was scared of people's reactions. Obviously, I'm glad I didn't but I've been stressed for 18years now basically.

I should have added our daughter is now 20 months old and this is a great time, lots of fun and giggles, it does get easier.

I would be more worried about how you will afford this baby. We both work full time and it is hard going, we don;'t qualified for any help as apparently, we are high earners (we're not), mortgages, childcare G&E bills, council tax, and just general living expenses is pushing us to our max. It sucks! We (or at leat one of us) can't afford to not work, but we almost can't afford to work either.

Think it all through very carefully. 17 is very very young.

You have choices that can be made. You don't have to continue with the pregnancy if you don't want to.

If I were you I would have some counselling and talk through what can change and what will change and I will also say that well over 95% of teen pregnancies will be single parents by the time the child is 1.

Think carefully.

Congratulations!
Do you have parental support?

The congrats was assuming you plan to keep as it read from your OP!
Of course there are other options for you which are perfectly valid

Firstly congratulations! Ofcourse you’re terrified it doesn’t matter if you’re 17 or 37, childbirth/becoming a mum IS terrifying!
Do you have a good support network? Partner/family? You’ll find friends will fizzle out once baby is here, but you can meet some great new ones at baby groups.
You're midwife will talk you through all your worries you have about what’s to come, but realistically nothing can prepare you🤣 I had my first at 16, very supportive mum and binned the partner off after realising he was as useful as a wet paper towel!
Like others have said though, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you and if you think now is not the right time, there are options. All the best xx

Congratulations op worrying will not help (easier said than done)
I had twins at 17 as long as your partner is supportive & you have supportive family's you'll be fine!
Even without much support I was fine, you find ways to manage. Will it be easy NO but will it be worth it ABSOLUTELY 😁

Im 27 and had my son at 19 and it was the best thing to happen to me!

I hadn’t had a great upbringing, me and my sons dad split by the time my son was 9 months old but I don’t regret having him when I did. I live in a council house but it gave me the drive to do better and give my son the life I never had.

I continued college whilst pregnant and when my son was 2 I went to university and I’m now a registered nurse. Still single but I love my life and my son is happy, not conventional but he’s my whole world. There might be people here that will still look down but he’s the best thing that happened to me and he’s 7 now

Goodness you must feel really overwhelmed. Hopefully the messages from PPs who have been through the same help a little.

How old is your boyfriend?

Congratulations! Never apologise for being pregnant.. Own it op. I had a dd just before I turned 18. Advice would be study hard. You need to be able to provide for your dc.
And enjoy your baby. Never allow anyone to make you feel in the wrong for your choice to have your dc.

There is no sugar-coating it. It is going to be ridiculously difficult. Even when you are pregnant in ideal circumstances, it completely takes over every aspect of your life.

if you have reasonable, non-abusive, parents, I would advise you to talk to them as soon as possible. That doesn’t mean parents who will great this pregnancy with nothing but joy, there may be tough conversations ahead, but they can help you with the decisions you now face.

if you do decide to become a parent, please make sure you finish your education and find a way to establish a career. Being able to support yourself and your child will give you so many more choices in life and protect your child in ways you can’t even begin to imagine.

Gosh some people are so negative! It’s hard. Kids are hard. But they’re amazing. Being young leaves a smaller than usual age gap between you and your child - that can be a wonderful thing and you could end up with an amazing relationship when they’re older.

Just know that basically until they’re about two you’re going to be stressed out and tired all the time. Just remember that. It’s not unusual. You’re not doing anything wrong. It’s just tough.

1-6months they cry and just need to be burped all the time. it’s insane-making. But they look cute and will fall asleep on you and have squidgy fingers.

6-12 months same but bigger squidgy fingers plus they crawl and you have to make sure there’s nothing on the floor and nothing they can pull on top of themselves. Weaning is stressful as fuck cos you worry they’re going to choke or be allergic to peanut butter. but they look cute in pics as they can sit up and look less like aliens.

12-2 they hit lots of milestones but you stress that they aren’t hitting them early enough. (Or that they’re hitting them too early!)…but they show more personality which is fun.

2-3 they do cute stuff. You start worrying they aren’t potty training quick enough. Their third birthday they get into presents and singing happy birthday and it’s adorable.

3-4 they’re adorable but they’re also mean to you and want independence and then you’re sad because they’re growing up but you’re proud of them.

4-5-6 so much easier. Little pal. start school which is sad but exciting. Don’t need to be watched every second which is wonderfully liberating. Also can be mean. School parties start and you’ll either meet nice people at the playground or they’ll be knobs. Stay out of the drama. Also depends what school they go to but you may find other young mums. You may not. Then expect to feel a bit left out - although you might be lucky and find the other mums want to take you under their wing.

also fyi, the ENTIRE time you feel like you’re doing a crap job.

but EVERYONE feels this way. Regardless of age.

be prepared for people to say stupid shit about your age. For parents to want to take over. For boyfriend to turn out to be a knob.

do what YOU want. And enjoy this time.

congratulations!

You have choices OP.
All the best to you.

Gosh some people are so negative!

Yeah, being pregnant at 17 isn't something most of us would be positive about if it happened to our daughters.

I have had dc in my teen's, 20's, 30's and 1 at 43.. Positives and negatives in every decade ime!!
I have 3 dd's. None have dc yet. Imo about any pregnancy is the status of the relationship and the family support or negativity involved. My dm was hideous and tbh our relationship never recovered.. Been nc for 20 years now..

Yes all children are a blessing as others have said but there is no point sugar coating it.

do you have a good support network? Good childcare help etc, parents or in laws to help? That’s our biggest stress as both sets of parents still work full time and mine are 15, 9 and 8! Childcare is by far our biggest outgoing although obviously less than it was when I returned to work when they were small

i had my eldest at 20 and was working full time, single parent paying childcare although did get government help back then. It severely restricted my life choices, I wanted to train as a nurse but haven’t been able to until now due to not having the support to do full time uni/placements and have only now been able to do it as my job are putting me through it on a part time basis so I can sort of fit it round the kids although still a massive head ache. Honestly I wouldn’t want it for my own kids and have told them to establish careers get mortgages and live life first. I do not regret having her though

I was in your position at 17. I terminated. I have never regretted it for a second.

Contact BPAS and get some counselling.

Good luck whatever you decide.