What to do..

[TiredMum97]

Hey everyone

So I found out I was pregnant yesterday, we absolutely have not been trying - this was a total accident which we are both accountable for (idiotic and unresponsible drunken night of unprotected sex). We have 2 little girls ages 3.5 and 2.5, so as you can imagine another on the cards would be a total handful.

Not only that but financially we can't really afford another right now - we were planning on starting to look into buying our first home next year, so this will just throw all of that out of the window. We would need a bigger car, more baby stuff. It's just such bad timing. I've also finally got myself back to the figure I was before my first pregnancy, mentally healthier as well - finally feeling more like myself again.

But the thought of an abortion breaks my heart. I know that you never truly regret a baby, but I just can't decide if it would be crueller to keep a baby in the situation we are in. I just don't know and I've not stopped crying since I found out. My partner isn't being supportive in the sense that he just thinks the best option is to not keep it, but he also said ultimately it's my decision which of course it is

Can anybody give me some advice? 😢 I just can't make my mind up but I don't want to leave it too long before it's too late.

I think you've already made up your mind and your partner supports the decision to terminate.

The turmoil,upset,guilt and remorseful feelings are natural;I can't imagine anyone has a termination without a second thought.

At this stage a termination should be fairly straight forward;if it's very early it'll be a case of taking pills to induce a miscarriage.

Similarish situation...

I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old. Currently 8 weeks pregnant and this was a huge shock for us - we recently got engaged and were wedding planning as well as looking to buy a new home. That is all on hold for this baby as we just couldn't not go ahead.

Thinking of you and deep down you know what is best for you and your family xx

@mumtotwox it's so difficult. I feel like I want to keep it but then my mind sways and thinks il make a huge mistake by doing so. If my partner wasn't as negative I would of thought differently but he just thinks it'll break us financially and physically.

@Duckingella I'm more 60/40 in my decision. I think the best thing to do is maybe discuss it more with my partner, but his instant negativity towards it is making it a lot harder. 😥 I always wanted another but I wanted our financial status and home situation to be sorted before we thought about the 3rd child

I've got no advice on what you should do, as that is totally personal to your situation. But what I would say is take a minute, breathe, and discuss. You only found out yesterday, and either way you want to be as sure of your decision as you possibly can be. Sit down together and do the maths, work out pros and cons - your partner should do this with you even if he is pretty sure what he feels is best. Sorry you're in such a difficult situation x

@moosey89 yeah you're right. Il probably have another few days to think it through then speak to my partner again, hopefully by then il know deep down what's best.

One of my really close mama friends has a 3 YO and 1.5 YO and recently found out she’s pregnant. She was really upset and had a termination. I thought she had made the right decision for her but I’ve caught up with her this week and she’s now massively regretting it and I feel awful for her :(

@Hollyppp this is what I fear will happen to me - making the wrong choice. But I just feel so torn. I think I maybe need to speak to a pregnancy counsellor someone who's neutral and see it from a different perspective.

The biggest worry I have about keeping it is the financial side and knowing it will probably cripple us. We already pay out enough in rent, usual bills and the cost of living as everyone knows is crippling people.

But on the flip side is there ever a "right time" to have a baby? I just don't know

I think I’d be tempted to keep it. Yes, it will be financially horrendous, but there’s usually a way of muddling through short term. And your children will be close in age. You’ll then have the three children you wanted and be able to focus completely on the next stage of house buying/work/body and mind without thinking it’s all going to get thrown in the air again with another pregnancy. Also, the older your two children get the less you’re going to feel like going back to square one with sleepless nights.
But, only you know the full details of your circumstances and how you and your partner are really feeling. So good luck with whatever you decide.

It’s worth waiting until you’re really really sure.

my friend has now decided she wants a third baby after all and wants to start trying this side of Xmas. I think she wants to replace the one that’s been terminated and soothe her guilt. It’s all really sad.

I’ve had a termination myself aged 21 so I’m totally pro choice but I’m sad to see my friend beating herself up

@Hollyppp I'm just still so torn. I have made a consultation with msi choices just to discuss it with somebody who is neutral. I may ask for a pregnancy counsellor too, as I just can't make my mind up.

I have written down pros and cons and I have a lot more cons than I do pros of having the baby - but it's still not made it any easier.

I think the problem is that it’s not the pros and cons of having a third at this time, like the list you would have made if you were planning it. But it’s the pros and cons now they are actually here and you’re pregnant. I made that list over Christmas and decided to stick at two. Then had an accidental pregnancy after years of infertility in January and have decided to get on with it. The first trimester was really hard. Getting my head around it was difficult and it’s a mess in terms of money/house/jobs etc. But I’m now in third trimester and feeling quite connected to the baby and glad we’re having three. But my experience won’t necessarily be your experience, so obviously you have to do what’s right for you. I’m just saying that my feelings about the pregnancy have changed over time and yours might too.

Sorry, I’ve re-read my message and I think it seems I am pushing for you to continue the pregnancy. I’m absolutely not. I’m just sharing my experience in case it helps. You absolutely need to follow your own thoughts and feelings with this. Good luck whatever your choose.