I don’t know if I want to keep my baby

[Sjshsh]

I’m 24 and pregnant. I’m a bit nervous to put my honest feelings out there so please be kind , I already feel the worst I could feel :(

Ive been with my partner 8 months now , I am 11 weeks pregnant. My partner is very happy that we are having a baby and he has told all his family and friends who are really happy. My family weren’t so supportive at first because it was quiet quick but have accepted it however , I haven’t told my dad yet.

I haven’t been happy this whole pregnancy, I do not feel a connection to the baby and I feel trapped. I think I would be a good mum but I don’t think the time is right , I’m unsure on my partner. He is amazing and he loves and adores me but ever since I’ve got pregnant , I feel like my feelings have changed towards him and I don’t know if I see him long term.

Ive always had control in my life and I’ve never had a long term relationship because I’ve been scared for some reason. This scares me as this is the biggest decision of my life and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to have the baby on my own , I want to be with a partner that I adore , he isn’t that financially stable at the moment with his new job but I am. I live with my mum at the moment and it’s not how I envisioned my life when I got pregnant.

I know it will break his heart if I end the relationship and pregnancy but I don’t know if I love him anymore or if it’s just the hormones and me wanting to get out ? I’m seeing him tonight and I’ve expressed that I’m not happy in the pregnancy and he’s been supportive but I’ve not told him I don’t know how I feel about him anymore…

I feel like I need to make a decision soon but only I can make the decision. It’s so hard and I’m struggling mentally. Sometimes If u end the pregnancy , u might not get pregnant in future which worries me …

You don't have to continue a pregnancy you don't want. Maybe you should speak to a professional though about how you're feeling. Asap.

None of us know what the future has in store for us. You can only make a decision based on what you know now. I would agree that professional help would be a good idea right now. Get onto it to today! Unfortunately unfortunately your decision is time bound and serious and you need plenty of support to help navigate your feelings.

Yes please get some kind of counselling support. You need to feel free to make the right decision for you without being made to feel guilty.
It's your body OP. And your life too. There's absolutely no shame in deciding that the time is not right for you, and nor is the relationship.
Best of luck.

Please don't do anything you don't want to do. A child is a long term commitment, and you're still so young. You will be in contact with this man for s minimum of 18 years even if you do have the child but decide to separate. Like you say, hormones could be playing a large role in this too. Maybe have a good chat with him and clear the air. Explain the way you're feeling, see how he is and take it from there. It's your body and ultimately your decision. Xxx

Hey OP. It sounds like you have a lot of things going round your mind at the moment and a lot of it will be hormone related. Forgive me if I'm wrong but to me it sounds like you are displaying symptoms of antenatal depression and anxiety. Have you talked your worries over with a midwife? That would be my suggestion as you won't be the first mum they've met with these concerns and you won't be the last either. It's really difficult to feel a connection when you are at the stage you're at.

I had been with my partner 7 months when we found out we were pregnant (also in our 20s at the time) We had good support from my family, not great support from partner's family though. I remember having similar feelings. I didn't fully accept I was pregnant until the day he was born if I'm honest.
Our son is now in high school and I could not imagine a world without his laugh, his smile, his cuddles, his cheekiness, his voice, his everything. I'm not saying it was easy all the time, it wasn't. But there is not a day that goes by where I don't thank my lucky stars I reached out for support from the midwifery staff in those dark early days.

You don't need to keep any baby you don't want.

I want to thank you to all of your messages. I called a mental health hotline yesterday and as well as putting my feelings out on here I felt heard and I didn’t feel alone. It’s been the hardest decision of my life but I have decided to not go ahead with the pregnancy. It’s not the right time and as bad as it sounds I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I know this is the right decision for me , the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make in my life but I’ve finally made one. I have spoken to my doctor and have been signed off work to as I have plenty of healing to do. My partner and I are not at the stage to have kids yet , I want to build our relationship before I br ing a child into the world personally. But I just wanted to update anyone who replied to me and was kind enough to write a nice message when I was in desperate need mentally of help so thank you , it’s not gonna be a east journey but I will get back to myself o hope

I want to thank you to all of your messages. I called a mental health hotline yesterday and as well as putting my feelings out on here I felt heard and I didn’t feel alone. It’s been the hardest decision of my life but I have decided to not go ahead with the pregnancy. It’s not the right time and as bad as it sounds I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I know this is the right decision for me , the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make in my life but I’ve finally made one. I have spoken to my doctor and have been signed off work to as I have plenty of healing to do. My partner and I are not at the stage to have kids yet , I want to build our relationship before I br ing a child into the world personally. But I just wanted to update anyone who replied to me and was kind enough to write a nice message when I was in desperate need mentally of help so thank you , it’s not gonna be a east journey but I will get back to myself o hope

It sounds like you’ve made the right decision OP. Wishing you all the best x

Good luck! You sounds like strong young women.

Well done OP. So brave and sensible of you to have spoken to a professional. No decision like that is ever going to be easy as it's such a personal decision and your feelings, whatever they are, are valid. Sending you lots of love

@Sjshsh that can't have been easy at all and I think you've been incredibly brave in speaking up and finding the support you need.
I hope your partner is being supported as well, you're both in this together.
This will have been the most difficult decision to make and my heart really does go out to you all. Sorry to hear you're having to make this choice.
Very glad you spoke to somebody and that you were able to feel heard and respected in the process ❤️

im in a situation aswell hun, well done you for reaching out about how you feel its such a hard decision to make, i have a 15 year old son and currently pregnant 9 weeks with my partner, over time he has not been very nice to me and is very narcissistic and abusive and i too have just made that hard decision to terminate as im 38 now and dont want to go backwards in life when my son will prob have children in the next few years so i look forward to becoming a nan and not a mum again.. it is the hardest decision you will make, but do whats right for you hun.. 8 nonths of being with someone is not long so you still really dont know what that person is like and if you are unsure of how you feel about him, theres always that potential of raising baby on your own.. ive been there and done that with my 15 year old and it is mentally and physically exhausting.. your still very young.. if you feel you could do it then have the little bubba.. dont worry about any one elses opinion its your body and your life.. my partner will probably leace me after ive had my termination but i would see that as me making the right choice at my stage of life.. your not alone hun.. all the best with whatever you decide ❤️

I was in a similar situation to you, OP, when I was around the same age. Right down to not being sure about the relationship I was in. I also chose to terminate. It was a difficult decision, but one I knew was right for me, and like you, I too felt a weight had been lifted. My then partner and I broke up around a year afterwards.

Fast forward sixteen years (😱), and while I think about that pregnancy sometimes, I still believe I made the right choice. I'm also now with the love of my life. We share a daughter, and I'm pregnant with our second.

Contrary to popular wisdom, life is long and there are so many opportunities for happiness. I hope this tough time passes swiftly and you find yours.

You’ve made the right decision op, i wish you the best.

Hi, I know this post could be quite quite controversial. I want to start it by saying I'm sorry if this triggers anyone. So I have just found out I'm pregnant at 37. This is my first pregnancy. The thing is I'm conflicted with my feelings towards it, about 4/5 years ago I would have been elated. This has always been a dream to be a mum. However overtime & having had no scares at all I came to peace with the fact being a mum was not my path & I was happy with that. I told my OH who already has a child and his reaction was less than positive. It started with quite defensively stating he did not want a child at 40 that was that. He already has a 14 year old son. Which I found a very selfish response and more importantly so insensitive to my feelings. We pure rowed for 2 days with some really heated conversations, and then yesterday he calmly sat and explained his reasons. Which were money worries, he loves our current life, loved our home we'd built together etc which is fair enough. So I managed to pull together my feelings and sat him down. I explained I wasn't sure how I felt. All I know is I can't make this decision overnight, I know that I'm at a greater risk of miscarriage However if I choose to terminate the pregnancy it has to be a sure fire decision as I know myself this is probably going to be my one & only shot at being a mum, and tbh if I go through with that n I wasn't fully sure I think it would fully destroy my relationship.
I've been in touch with a pregnancy clinic to discuss my feelings around this as I am feeling a mixture of emotions at the moment. Shock, money worries, lifestyle changes, the fact of my age bothers me to I'd always invisaged my kids growing up around my friends kids However I'm about 10 years late to that party. Anyway I'm not sure what I'm hoping for here but I just want to know has anyone else felt this way & what did you end up doing what have been the pros and cons. Sorry again if this has triggered anyone. I just feel very lost at the moment

i fully understand how your feeling as i have recently been in the same situatio myself im 39 next month and already have a 14 soon to be 15 year old my partner has a 19 year old 12 and 8 year old our relationship isnt great i battle my emotions for 9 weeks before i made my decision which i didnt take lightly.. i thought about my age and didnt want to be doing school runs in my 40s so i made the decision to terminate and have regretted my decision since.. good luck with whatever yoy decide to do

@ki55b3x thankyou for your honesty. I'm so torn right now thankfully I've got an appt next week to discuss how I'm feeling hopefully that can help guide me as I feel extremely lost right now 😪

@Confusedgal85 I found myself in exactly your situation but I was 44.

It was obviously my one and only chance, and that helped me to make the decision to continue. It was nature offering me a one time chance, never to be repeated. I had ds, now 16 and the best thing I have ever done.

The thing about your child growing up with your friends children - I don't think that really matters. I made some new friends at the school gate. Ds is a happy healthy 16 now.

You are younger and have more opportunities but think carefully about what YOU want, it's your body.

@Meadowfinch Thankyou for your honest words. I know ultimately this has to be my decision as I will be the one to live with it for the rest of my time. I think im more confused as the range of emotions I used to feel are just not there. It used to feel like this was the missing piece in my puzzle, however right now it doesn't. I feel so guilty for feeling this way. As I know so many ppl long for this day, I'm hoping I'll get some more clarity next week.

You made the right decision, OP. From now on, be absolutely watertight about contraception.

@Confusedgal85 You have nothing to feel guilty about. If something doesn't feel right, and that is what your instincts are telling you, then you should act on those instincts. Take care.

@meadowfinch, I really appreciate your comments 🫶