AIBU

[mulberry19]

My friend and I have both suffered with fertility issues for some years. I am now almost 8 months pregnant and have tried to be really sensitive around her. She has told me she is fine with it but I suspect this may not be true. She has the same medical problem as me but also her and her husband have a lot of intimacy issues so would struggle as they don't have really have sex. She has also never tried to become pregnant in the same way I have with diet, supplements, lifestyle changes, tracking ovulation etc. She would admit herself that they haven't tried very hard or at all. She makes comments to me all the time about how annoying her pregnant colleague is, she made comments about how early the pregnancy was announced and even alluded to a miscarriage being an inconvenience to herself and their workplace. She also says a lot of things about how awful children are and literally sends me videos which are negative around pregnancy/birth/babies passing them off as a joke. I do try not to mention my pregnancy any more than is strictly necessary and when I do I try to be delicate. She also makes comments about me being huge and fat and actually called me Hippo lady the other day 🤦🏻‍♀️ she is my friend and I totally understand how she may feel but I also am not here to be laughed at or made to feel bad. I want to say something but don't know how to approach it?

She doesn't sound like much of a friend if that's how she's treating you! You're well within your rights to say to her that you've got a lot on your mind with birth and new baby around the corner, and you'd appreciate her support. You can mention that you haven't found the videos, and you'd rather she didn't send you any videos which imply negatives around babies etc. Also the comment about hippo lady is just downright rude. I'd be close to cutting off contact if a so-called friend called me that!

Side note for her - if she has issues with intimacy she should look into home artificial insemination. I had issues after my first pregnancy ended in missed miscarriage after trying for nearly 3 years, and so this time (with my partner) we wanted to keep sexual intimacy, so used home artificial insemination and got pregnant on the third month.

I have quite a banter based relationship with most people in my life, so if anyone called me big/hippo I would just laugh. BUT if this is not how your friendship with this person usually works, I can see how you'd find this offensive. Basically, are jokey insults out of the ordinary and therefore an indication she is being nasty rather than just making an awkward attempt at humour? If nasty, then just ask her not to say those things. If she doesn't apologise and stop, she isn't your friend. You don't treat friends badly just because you are envious of their situation.

The rest of the stuff I could overlook tbh, so long as it's aimed at other people. It doesn't suggest she has an amazing kind nature, but we're all human and she's coping with something difficult.

Basically, if it's something nasty towards you personally, I'd say immediately "please don't say that" or "ouch, that hurts!" or whatever. If it's about other people, let her bitch if that's how she's coping. If it becomes too much for you that's fair enough - just meet up with her a bit less for a bit to preserve your sanity. You may find you drift apart after you've had your baby anyway.

It sounds like this friendship isn’t beneficial for either of you right now. Let it drift apart.

I have been in a similar situation where I tried for years and my friend and I really supported each other until I got pregnant.She now refuses to acknowledge my child.A real friend would be happy for you even if she’s sad for herself there’s just no two ways about it.Being unkind is never acceptable.going through things is never an excuse in my eyes but can happen sometimes and should be apologised for.I told my friend I know it must be hard for her but I’d really appreciate her support,it wasn’t received well this told me all I needed to know.I hope this does not happen to you and she can see the light, friends are important and when her time comes which hopefully it will she will regret this behaviour x

It doesn’t sound like she’s really your friend tbh.

It would be more understandable if she had distanced herself from you but to send you so much negativity it just out of order.

I’d let the friendship fizzle out.

I think you need to let that friendship drift a bit. Whatever she’s going through, don’t let it bring negativity to your pregnancy and soon to be newborn.

AIBU MIL thinks my baby is hers

I don’t know if this is post partum hormones but my MIL had always been a toxic person even DH and other family members acknowledge this but we have set boundaries and been good at keeping an appropriate distance where DH does not have to lose his relationship with her.

since having a baby it’s got a little weird.She turned up at the hospital and waited in the car after I had quite a traumatic birth and wanted time.I also wanted no visitors for the first few weeks but this wasn’t listened to.She also posted my child on social media without even asking me before any of us did(I wouldn’t have posted him anyways but she didn’t even wait to see) the she went and got a tattoo of his name and told me i should have one too if I really love him coz he’s my son.She also comes round when DH is working and is really rude to me and hovers over waiting to hold the baby when she was holding him I asked would she like a coffee and she responded “stop talking to me mummy I’m not here to see you,it’s not all about you” I was so shocked that I just went into my bedroom and started folding my laundry.In my OWN home.she also constantly posts on social media About how much she loves and needs to protect her grandchildren. DH is at a loss coz when we have set boundaries in the past she calls me manipulative to the other family members making a bigger issue

she also has made a nursery in her home bought a bigger car and car seat.I think she thinks she’ll be looking after him
when I return to work ?