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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Just found out I’m pregnant partner freaking out

10 replies

Mumtobe199 · 06/07/2023 19:02

Just found out I’m pregnant with with my second child.
been with my partner for 8 years and have a 2 year old boy.
when my partner found out with my 2 year old boy he lost it but he got his head round it and is an amazing father.

he’s done the same this time. I don’t know what to do. Asking about getting an abortion the lot.

as I’m writing this he is cuddling kissing and playing with our little boy.

why is he acting like the world is ending?

OP posts:
Princesspeachee · 06/07/2023 19:13

I think you need to ask him his reasons. Hopefully you can talk through any fears he has but ultimately if you want this baby do not let him pressure you into anything else.
So sorry you're going through this, sending a hand hold

Summer2424 · 06/07/2023 19:20

Hi @Mumtobe199 i think it's just the initial shock of it, give him time, keep communicating.
Pls don't worry, just focus on your child and yourself xx

A2003 · 07/07/2023 10:39

I’m so sorry to hear he hasn’t taken it well. I agree with others - shock is a really bad catalyst for panic responses (my partner was also in shock and told me that we couldn’t go through with the pregnancy). It depends on your relationship, but we got there by giving each other space from discussing it for a day or two, whilst still being gentle with each other. I tried to see things from his perspective (he was worried about money) and explained how I felt connected with the pregnancy and that I wanted to keep it (without bringing him into it), but then we allowed each other space to sit with it.

He came around after a couple of days - the biggest shift was from proactively standing in each other’s shoes - E.g. “help me understand what’s going on for you” and “could you spend some time seeing this from my perspective?”

When he saw things from my perspective, he admitted that there’s no way he could have an abortion and that his worries weren’t insurmountable. We sat together and talked through all the practicalities so we could make a plan (reminding him he wasn’t going to be raising a baby and earning a living by himself). I felt like I wanted to throttle him when he mentioned abortion, tbh, but I knew if I hammered him he’d feel backed into a corner, so I had to give it space.

as I say, this is really dependent on your relationship. It sounds like he does tend to come round, but if he’s seriously not willing or able to accept the pregnancy, then you might need to consider what your options are if you definitely do want to keep the baby (choosing not to is also a really valid decision but make sure it’s your choice and not his).

I did this too and quickly made a plan as to how I’d cope if he bolted. It cemented the decision for me and made me feel stronger about the pregnancy, which ended up reassuring him too, bizarrely.

Couple’s counselling could also be an option if you reach a stalemate?

sending love - it’s so rough when this happens.

Mumtobe199 · 07/07/2023 13:48

Thankyou for the long message.
My partner is a good man. His worry is about money.
we both work (he has a well paid job) we have a beautiful house that will support another baby.
He wouldn’t even let me get rid of our 2 year old stuff. So we don’t even have to buy anything new for another baby.
We kind of have just been distant with each other but I guess that’s just space we both need.

I don’t think he would walk away from me and our little 2 year old boy I do think it’s just the shock but wow he has made me feel crap about the situation. Saying it’s my fault and he doesn’t want to come near me again.

Also today he has rung the doctors about getting a vasectomy. So it can’t happen again.

OP posts:
A2003 · 08/07/2023 06:39

@Mumtobe199 it sounds like he’ll get there in time from what you’ve said. I’m so sorry that this is happening.
I hope you find ways to talk it out together - and that he apologises to you for treating you like that!
Good luck and do reach out if you find yourself struggling x

Alo1996 · 13/05/2024 14:34

Hi what was the outcome of your situation? I am in the exact same one now :(

Mumtobe199 · 13/05/2024 17:52

My little boy is now 9 weeks old and my partner has fallen in love with him. As he did with our 2 and a half year old.
he is the fantastic dad I knew he could be.
(he’s spent 80% of today on the bouncy castle with our 2 year old😂)
He is there for everything all the good stuff and alll the gritty dirty stuff💩😜

he has chosen and has had a vasectomy which I supported and understood his decision on that.
It did take him a while to come to the idea of another child into our house but was quicker about coming around to the idea but I have to say once our little boy was born and he held him you could just see the love and devotion in his eyes.

i get that it’s a scary time and been at logger heads with your partner isn’t nice at all but it is your body and you can’t be told what to do with it. My partner knew that he couldn’t force me to have an abortion and I did make it clear I would have this baby with or without him and I don’t need him.

I hope this helps.
sending much love

OP posts:
Alo1996 · 13/05/2024 18:32

like you, my partner was not happy with the first pregnancy but eventually came around, but this time he is adamant on an abortion and says if I don’t have one he will leave. Did your partner say anything like this and then eventually come around? Did he come around slowly? Sorry for the questions I am just in 2 minds at moment :(

Mumtobe199 · 14/05/2024 01:44

In some words yes and other words no. He awayls knew he didn’t want us to end. We gave each other space and didn’t talk about it or anything really for a while and carried on day to day to let each other calm down and think.
we all say stuff in the heat of panic/anger.
x

OP posts:
Mumtobe199 · 14/05/2024 01:46

I just knew I couldn’t have an abortion. I would never forgive my self and I would resent him (my partner) if he made me and then we wouldn’t last. I wouldn’t resent having my baby.

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