40, pregnant and scared

[Marchbug]

Good Morning

I have very recently found out am pregnant, it was 'planned' but it wasn't a good TTC month and was our first this year after trying most of last year unsuccessfully. My DP has never been fully onboard and we stopped trying in Jan because of this, it caused many difficult arguments.

We had recently come through this and things had started looking up. I'd started to see our future without another baby.

Money isn't great (debt, income is fine (not amazing but fine) am aware am in a position of privilege even though things are hard day to day.

Since finding out DP and I have been very zombie like. I don't feel happy I'll be honest and am struggling to think about it without feeling stupid and selfish.

I'm wondering (hoping) if this is just normal finding out anxiety and it will improve in time, and that I haven't just ruined everything (we have two young DCs and as everyone knows, it's been a tough few years in the trenches), I do feel like things were just starting to ease

Aware this didn't happen accidentally, but I'll be honest, I think I'd thought it wouldn't and started to make peace with that.

Thanks for reading my morning ramblings, not much sleep!

Morning @Marchbug
Pls don't be scared xx
Continue to keep communicating with your DH, i think it's just the initial shock of it and it will pass x

Hi @Marchbug I think how you feel is totally normal, as Summer said it's sort of a bit of shock , especially when you have waited so long you end up thinking it will never happen. I am pregnant with my third dc, when I first found out (only a week and a half ago) , even though we were trying, I felt sick with worry for a few different reasons (had a loss before this but also I do think a third is alot scarier than finding out with 1 or 2 imo) I am now just over 5 weeks and feeling much better about things, I still feel nervous but also I am excited. I think when I let myself imagine having a newborn, and what a lovely time it is and how excited my dc will be it's lovely.

Also, my dh also always reacts differently to me, and I don't think it ever hits him until I give birth, then he is in love once he meets the baby. I think men see it very different as they see the practical sides more than the emotional and because they aren't growing the baby, again it's different for them and takes more time.

Not sure if any of my "essay" will be helpful, but congratulations, and I hope today is a better day for you xx

Thank you. This really does help. I feel slightly brighter than yesterday and think we just need to concentrate on doing things unrelated that make us happy, and you're totally right, he just needs more time I think. He absolutely is being head driven and is worried (not wrongly) about the wider consequences.

Glad to hear you're feeling better @Ladyinpink1 and congratulations! I have to keep reminding myself that 3 children isn't like 20, and people do survive 🤣 how are you feeling in yourself?

@Marchbug how far along are you? Glad today is a better day for you and I believe you will feel better as each day passes.

Yes ,although some days when my 2 dc are a bit hyper and not getting on the best I do think "are we crazy" 😄 . But I read something before that said you won't regret another child but may regret not trying and so even if things are crazy in the first few years, I don't want to get to 50 and look back with regret or still have that longing.

What age are your dc? I feel ok thank you, a little cramping at times only, but I like to feel that as it reassures me things are still going ok. With my first 2dc i got nausea about 6 weeks so eating up lots of meals now just incase it starts again 😄. How do you feel? x

Mine are soon to be 4 and 6, what about yours?

Only symptom so far is that I'm hotter than the sun! Was so intense yesterday. I have felt very minimal nausea but think that's more anxiety.

I am ridiculously early, like 3 weeks and something, though I do have shorter cycles so probably around 4

That's me above btw, I've changed my username but for some reason that didn't do it!

This is perfectly normal but as my DH says, there's never a good time to have a baby . I'm sure once you see that little face you'll be fine with it !

Oh no, not good in the summer, hopefully that doesn't last too long, did you have that before? Your due date will be sometime in March then too.
I do have another symptom actually and that's my bowels, i'm running to the loo more often which I didn't have with any previous pregnancy. Lol

Oh similar... mine are 3.5 and almost 6. It's a busy time isn't it

Congratulations on your baby! Natural to be worried before a big change, that goes for H too. Still a wonderful thing :)