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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

37 weeks and DH

33 replies

Clearbrightwater · 29/06/2023 18:31

DH works around 2 hours away in peak traffic. At home with a 2 yo and 37 weeks pregnant. Messaged an hour ago to ask what time he’d be back and he only just replied … surely he should have his phone near him and regularly check it? Feeling a tad abandoned

OP posts:

Angelik · 29/06/2023 18:36

He's at work and busy and/or trying to get home. Give him a break

Original poster

Clearbrightwater · 29/06/2023 18:48

I am aware, thanks. Point is, I’d be a bit stuck if I was in labour. I’m not sure work trumps my health, or maybe it apparently does!

OP posts:

uncomfortablydumb53 · 29/06/2023 18:48

He's driving home

Original poster

Clearbrightwater · 29/06/2023 18:48

Not when I messaged.

OP posts:

justanothermanicmonday1 · 29/06/2023 18:50

He needs to have his phone on loud when you're this far on.

I'm 34 weeks and 2 days and my partner can't have his phone on him at work. I've said if it's an emergency I'll call his office.

You need to come up with a solid plan just incase you go into labour OP.

BudgetBuster · 29/06/2023 23:24

You need a plan b if he works 2 hours away.

Original poster

Clearbrightwater · 30/06/2023 03:47

Well, easy to say in theory but in practice there just isn’t one! It’s only for two days a week; just a bit frustrating when he ignores his phone.

OP posts:

FluffyFlannery · 30/06/2023 03:51

When I was expectant I made plans with my neighbours in case I went into labour as my husband frequently travels for work.

Bookish88 · 30/06/2023 03:51

Surely if you were in labour you'd have phoned rather than messaged? If he's busy at work I can understand him ignoring a message until he has time to respond.

Original poster

Clearbrightwater · 30/06/2023 03:54

I would @Bookish88 but it wouldn’t have made a difference in that context as he was still ignoring his phone. It’s that which had me a bit stressed earlier, although I’m calmer now. It’s the feeling a bit helpless and stranded which is hard.

@FluffyFlannery thats good. Is the inference there I should do the same? I am genuinely asking, not being an arse! We don’t have any neighbours.

OP posts:

EliflurtleTripanInfinite · 30/06/2023 04:01

Did you try ringing to see if he'd pick up? Maybe you could agree something like texts get to when you can but if I ring you pick up straight away.

abmac95 · 30/06/2023 04:03

Ah you can always have a homebirth or call an ambulance. Dont be such a drama queen, people have kids everyday you know.

Sparklfairy · 30/06/2023 04:12

Is it possible he checked the notification without opening, saw it 'only' said 'what time are you coming home?' and left replying until he knew the answer?

Not saying that reassures you at all, but if he's at work he might only glance at notifications to check it doesn't say 'GET HOME NOW I'M IN LABOUR' as he's busy?

FluffyFlannery · 30/06/2023 04:13

Absolutely. I had a couple of caring ladies on my street and they knew my husband was overseas regularly so we exchanged numbers and they’d check to see how I was. We also made plans in case my husband was away if I went into labour and just knowing someone was nearby if I needed it was a burden relieved.

Original poster

Clearbrightwater · 30/06/2023 04:19

I think the point was he should really at this stage be alert to his phone. The fact he wasn’t is a bit frustrating as if something had been happening I’d have been stuck. It is all very well and good that some people have lovely caring neighbours but if you don’t, you can’t magic them up!

Yeah, giving birth at home with a two year old with no pain relief is not my ideal scenario. Ambulances do not routinely come out for women in labour and there’s still the problem of the two year old!

I think the point is that whether you like it or not in very late pregnancy and depending on what sort of birth you have immediately after birth you are quite reliant on others in a way that generally you are not. When they aren’t reliable it can be quite isolating and upsetting. I know this is MN and can just be argumentative for the sake of it but on what planet is giving birth at home a more reasonable suggestion than keep your bloody phone on you, DH?

OP posts:

AlligatorPsychopath · 30/06/2023 04:25

For fuck's sake, he took one hour to reply to an entirely non-urgent message. Is he not allowed to have a meeting without your permission?

You need to make some connections; it's not practical for you to depend on him for everything when he's two hours' drive away. Is he going to look after the toddler during the birth and not be with you anyway?

Original poster

Clearbrightwater · 30/06/2023 04:28

I think you need to chill @AlligatorPsychopath (apt name.)

One hour added to the two it takes him to get home could be pretty significant.

It doesn’t matter what you tell me I need to do. Friends are working (and no, you can’t just trill that your mate is in labour and walk out of a meeting or leave a primary school class or abandon the patient you’re with!) DHs parents are even further away and mine are dead, so …

Yes, he’ll be looking after the toddler when I’m giving birth. The toddler can’t really look after himself yet, you see.

OP posts:

abmac95 · 30/06/2023 04:36

I think you are the one that needs to chill @Clearbrightwater

Original poster

Clearbrightwater · 30/06/2023 04:42

I’m quite chilled to be fair. I’m not the one going for ‘for fucks sake’!

I have had a moan - I am really a bit lost as how someone at full (early) term pregnancy with a 2 yo is in the wrong for being a bit miffed about this. No one is putting restraints on DH, saying he can’t work or do anything normal. Literally all I am saying is keep your bloody phone to hand! If anyone seriously thinks home birth or involving non existent neighbours is a reasonable suggestion beyond that then they are in the nicest possible way bonkers.

OP posts:

Scarydinosaurs · 30/06/2023 05:11

So how do you know he didn’t check it? Is that what he said?

Did you ask him from now on to put his phone on loud in case you go into labour? What did he reply?

I think posting about a problem that is easily resolved with a quick conversation is the overreaction and why posters are pointing out more involved plans to help as if you have done the above and he’s refused, then you will have to involve others in your birth plans.

Ged94 · 30/06/2023 05:25

I don't think it's worth being angry about but I think it's worth checking that he does have his phone on loud so he won't miss if you go into labour. Or maybe you having a number for his boss/someone he works with as a backup?

My partner won't pick up if he's in a meeting but we have an agreement where if I call multiple times in a row it means im in labour so then that would change (im 41 weeks).

mumofboys8787 · 30/06/2023 05:25

I'm 35 weeks pregnant with a 4yo and a 2yo at home and and DH is on a stag do this weekend. I'm not stressed about it. You're majorly catastrophising and being OTT about it. It's HIGHLY unreasonable to expect anyone to react to every single phone call or text immediately from 37 weeks - what if you don't have the baby for another 5 weeks? He needs to be glued to his phone for the next 5 weeks? You sound like hard work

GoodChat · 30/06/2023 05:26

I think you just need to call him if it's urgent (which it wasn't).

Whats his plan for the next couple of weeks? Is he still going into the office? My second came really quickly so I would suggest he works from home full time until baby arrives (assuming that he can because he only travels 2 days a week)

canonlydoblue · 30/06/2023 05:28

Not seeing the message and not replying are two different things though.

Novella12 · 30/06/2023 05:58

I think you've had a hard time here OP! I completely get what you're saying. You're heavily pregnant, potentially a bit emotional and you want to feel like you're your husband's priority. I don't think that's unreasonable at all. I think there's this weird old fashioned view that men at their important jobs couldn't possibly reply to their wives at work. It's wrong. Of course they can. I think you should just have a chat with him and let him know your thoughts and worries. You're not unreasonable.

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