How do I tell clients struggling with infertility that I am pregnant?

[aw9870]

So I own a skin clinic, All my clients are women from all walks of life but I have quite a few clients of mine have a history of infertility/miscarriage etc. I am 14 weeks pregnant and wondering what the best way to let them know I am pregnant is as I am a private person so won't be making an announcement on my business Instagram etc until I am almost due when I will take maternity time off.

Is it best to say in person? However I don't want them to feel they have to have a forced reaction and my space and treatments are for them to forget their worries etc and relax when they're having a facial so don't want to upset anyone.

Is it better to say over text? Although that seems so odd to pop them a text!

Do I just wait until I start showing? I'm already getting a bump! This is my first child so expected to show later on but I definitely am getting a bump, and don't know if that's a strange way for them to figure it out by just seeing my bump and me not saying anything when I see these clients every month once a month.

I just want to be as kind and sensitive as I can, can anyone give me any advice at all? I'd greatly appreciate it.

Could you send out an email saying something like "I have a maternity appointment on X date so will be unavailable for bookings before 2pm that day"
Whether or not you actually have an appointment

Honestly, I'd actually find it strange if my beautician, clinician, hairdresser or whoever told me they were pregnant. I would only expect perhaps an email or something much later on saying that you will be finishing up X date for maternity leave.

I listened to a podcast the other day when the lady presenting it said that she would have liked her best friend to tell her over message to give her time to process it - because she was happy for her friend, and wanted to show this, but initial reactions are very hard to hide and the hurt would have been the first thing that showed.

For clients it might be a bit different, but for me I wouldn't have minded a message put in a kind way that said something like "Hi, I'm expecting - I wanted to let you know ahead of your next appointment as I appreciate this might cause difficult emotions for a lot of women."

The difficult thing is that everyone receives news differently, and has different preferences. You are being incredibly thoughtful of your clients, remember that. And you can't control their reactions, you can only be as kind as it sounds like you are xx

I kind of feel the same about work, I don’t want to do “an announcement” but it feels weird not to mention it at some point.

Do you have much chit chat? Like if they ask how you are, what you’ve been up to. You could say: “we’re expecting a baby in the winter so just been trying to sort out the baby’s bedroom” etc.

Bit more natural than just coming out and saying it with no context.

THIS

This.
You're a business. They're your clients.
And quite frankly their difficult emotions etc aren't your problem. They'll encounter many pregnant women in daily life, it's not on said pregnant women to manage other people's feelings.

Why do you need to say anything at all? Just don’t mention it unless someone asks when it’s visibly obvious.

You haven't done anything wrong by getting pregnant and you don't owe these women an apology for it. People get pregnant all the time. We can't go around not mentioning it in case someone gets upset. I get that you want to be sensitive but they will have to bear it.

I remember the very next day after I'd spent the night in hospital having a miscarriage my friend FaceTimed me to tell me she was finally pregnant after two lots of IVF. The timing was horrendous but I plastered a smile on, congratulated her sincerely, made plans to speak properly later and then hung up the call and had a massive cry.

It was hell for me but there was no need for her to feel shit about her lovely news. No need for you to feel bad about yours either.

Yeah I'd not expect to have to engage with a pregnancy announcement, I'd just let the pregnancy progress without saying anything. After all, it's about ensuring their comfort not dealing with your discomfort.

Both myself and my sister struggled with fertility issues. She eventually had a child through ivf but for various reasons we decided against it.

Our brother and his wife got pregnant straight away. This was when my sister was going through ivf.

He sent us a card each telling us this and how he knew due to our struggles it might be difficult to hear.

I didn’t speak to my sister about it, but while I know he meant well (he’s basically a very kind person) I actually struggled more with the card than if he’d come straight out and said it. I dunno I can’t explain it, it just annoyed me.

I know I struggled hearing people saying they were pregnant but kept it mainly to myself. There are pregnant women and babies everywhere. It’s not their fault they can get pregnant and I couldn’t.

strangely, it got easier when I was diagnosed with a huge fibroid (possibly part of the reason I couldn’t get pregnant) and had to have a hysterectomy. Obviously after that, any chance of pregnancy was removed. Once this happened it was easier to accept.

That's a great idea, I will certainly consider this! Thank you!

I am not necessarily close with all my clients but some I am and many I am super friendly with as I have been seeing them for years and i am a one man band so it's just me they see, so I feel it would be odd to leave it until the end of the year considering we chat about life a lot of then time every month, I think many of my clients would find it strange if I didn't say anything 🤣 but obviously want to be super sensitive to those who are struggling!

Don't tell them. If they ask just tell them you're getting fat.

Yes, I've heard similar hence why I was unsure to say in person to certain clients as I don't want anyone to feel they have to put on a staged reaction.

Which podcast was this if you don't mind me asking? And thank you also 🫶

Yes this is a great idea too, certainly sounds more natural to bring it into conversation like this as opposed to the whole 'I have news - I'm pregnant!' scenario.

Thank you!

Most of my client relationships are super friendly where we catch up every month and discuss what's going on with life etc so just feels strange with clients to not mention it at all!

@aw9870 it's called 'Is It Normal?' - specifically episode 37 (called Pregnancy Loss). Definitely take it client by client, but if you have a particularly close relationship with anyone struggling with infertility or loss, then a heads up could be a good idea (as others have said, those you aren't close to/don't know their story, then it isn't really as big of a thing). x

If you can give people a heads up, possibly enough in advance that they can cancel if in an incredibly emotional place, I think that would be very appreciated by most of them. Just a simple, 'just to let you know, I'm expecting and will be going on maternity leave in x'. Once or twice I've booked a facial or massage to make myself feel better after a failed IVF round and having to congratulate my therapist on a pregnancy would have been really hard and made it an unbearable experience rather than a soothing one.

Why do you need to make an announcement to clients, however long standing they may be?

I don't think that you actually need to say anything until they actually notice and some may comment. Then you can say that you understand it being rather a sensitive issue for some of them, and obviously as a one man band you will have to let them know when take maternity leave/time out to have the baby etc.

Other than that, I'd leave it. You may be overthinking things a bit.

For clients it might be a bit different, but for me I wouldn't have minded a message put in a kind way that said something like "Hi, I'm expecting - I wanted to let you know ahead of your next appointment as I appreciate this might cause difficult emotions for a lot of women."

Personally, as somebody who had fertility problems for 7 years, I’d have found it bizarre to get an email from my beautician saying she hoped I wouldn’t be too upset but she was pregnant. It comes across as really self-obsessed, like you are the first woman ever to get pregnant, and of course every woman around you will be insanely jealous.

I don’t think OP is like that (or the poster I’m quoting), but it’s definitely possible to go far too far the other way with “shielding poor infertile woman from baby news”.

This is exactly what I think too @Saschka I would find it completely bizarre to get an email or text from anyone who wasn't an extremely close friend or family member that they are expecting. I would actually probably not return because I'd feel like they'll only want to talk about their pregnancy.

I would honestly not even mention it. A lot of the time when pregnancy announcements are hurtful, it is because the person with fertility challenges is close to the expectant mother and they had to tell them/they had to find out somehow. But you said yourself, you are not close to your clients as friends.

If you tell them, no matter how you tell them, you make it 'a thing'
If you just chitchat about it, that will come across as thoughtless.

Over time, they will see that you are pregnant, then you let them know the dates of your maternity leave nearer to the time via an email or message. It won't be a surprise, and you won't have made a big deal out if it at all.

Speaking as someone who did have fertility issues, this is what I would have preferred.

Let them find out when you start showing. You don't have to tell them at all, just respond if they ask you about it. They should be happy for you even though privately they might be upset. Congratulations!

I would bring it up casually in conversation, as pp said about sorting out the nursery or maybe buying the pram etc if someone asks what you've been up to.

I struggled to get pregnant first time round and I found it excruciating when people treated me with kid gloves or sent me a 'special' text message to let me know they had conceived. It's basically pity, dressed up with concern (or that's how it felt).

I'm an adult and it's no one else's responsibility but mine to manage my emotions!

I would have found it bewildering and then I’d be pissed off because I’d feel like you pitied me if you made a song and dance about being sensitive. Just don’t say anything, there are pregnant women everywhere, you won’t be the first pregnant woman they have come across.