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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Did anyone have a bad birthing partner experience?

18 replies

highheavenn · 25/06/2023 18:46

My first baby I had my partner with me. Baring in mind it was in the covid peak so he could only be there for the birth. He was supportive.

Second baby my mum was there mostly for when I arrived. This is a nightmare!! I love my mum so much BUT with her being there I didn't expect to feel this way ...

With her being there I held back a LOT with my labour and kept avoiding her looking at me. I felt super uncomfortable and yet I thought I wouldn't give a shit 🫣

She's a nurse and she spent a lot of time causally discussing work stuff with midwives which pissed me off cause everyone was so relaxed whilst I'm in absolute agony! I felt like if she wasn't there I wouldn't of held back so much. Still grateful she came but it's only naturally I felt this way. I never thought I would! However she wasn't there when I gave birth as I had to go theatre to have forecep a which my partner came:

Third baby here and I honestly wouldn't mind if I gave birth alone. The only thing is nobody would really take pictures of baby but hey ho!

I think it just put me off how everyone was talking work stuff and medical related baring in mind I had E.coli and I was very unwell hence why my babies waters broke at 37 +5 weeks !! Just a shame!

Anyone else ended up taking the wrong birthing partner?

OP posts:

tb4122 · 25/06/2023 19:05

If you did go it alone, I'm sure the midwives would take photos for you. Ours took photos of the three of us and photos of DH holding baby while I was being stitched.

My DH was a very good birthing partner but actually I was so "in the zone" that I don't think I would have minded being alone. I certainly would have felt the same way as you about my mum being there.

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 25/06/2023 19:19

DH was pretty good in that he did exactly what he was asked to do and left me to it for the rest of the time, but honestly I could have done it without him and really not missed him.

It just wasn't something he was needed for, it was about me and my body and the MWs when they were needed. He was just sat there trying not to get in the way and fetching me snacks and drinks when I wanted them.

Moonflower12 · 25/06/2023 19:24

I had my first baby alone (apart from the midwives!) due to my DH being caught in the snow. It was the best way to be honest.

I didn't have to think about anyone else except myself.
I've had DH there for the next 3 births and he was a great support during a C section but otherwise he was not much use in the 2 vaginal births.

Lucy Long Socks · 25/06/2023 19:33

I had the gas and air taken off me because my ex(the dad) kept having a go on it. He wouldn't stop, despite being told it would go.

sandybeaches74 · 25/06/2023 19:46

Oh I can relate to this so much. I had a home birth and invited my best friend at the time. She stood in the doorway watching me as I pushed and whilst it didn't stop the flow, I kept my eyes shut the whole time as she made me feel awkward! I wished she wasn't there through the whole Labour but then after I had my DD, she recognised I was a bit overwhelmed and took her for me while I delivered the placenta, so in the end it was good... but I know what you mean!

Ged94 · 25/06/2023 19:51

Lucy Long Socks · 25/06/2023 19:33

I had the gas and air taken off me because my ex(the dad) kept having a go on it. He wouldn't stop, despite being told it would go.

Fucking hell... What a selfish prick. Glad he's an ex

SophieHope7 · 25/06/2023 19:51

Lucy Long Socks · 25/06/2023 19:33

I had the gas and air taken off me because my ex(the dad) kept having a go on it. He wouldn't stop, despite being told it would go.

Are you serious? What a selfish thing to do!

scrantonelectriccity · 25/06/2023 19:52

I had a c section alone last week and really enjoyed it, a lovely MCA took lots of pictures and videos for me and was chatting to me the whole way through

Ged94 · 25/06/2023 19:53

I wouldn't want to bring anyone other than my partner. I'm overdue and if I give birth on Thursday/Fri then my parents will be away and there is no one else physically close enough that im comfortable leaving our toddler with so fully intend to go alone if it happens then

I'm not fussed, was nice having my husband there but I wouldn't say he was essential. I'd prefer to know my toddler was happy

twoandcooplease · 25/06/2023 22:27

Lucy Long Socks · 25/06/2023 19:33

I had the gas and air taken off me because my ex(the dad) kept having a go on it. He wouldn't stop, despite being told it would go.

@Lucy Long Socks they didn't give you anything else because of him?
I'd have had him escorted out of the room if the choice was pain relief over that!!!

Lucy Long Socks · 25/06/2023 22:37

twoandcooplease · 25/06/2023 22:27

@Lucy Long Socks they didn't give you anything else because of him?
I'd have had him escorted out of the room if the choice was pain relief over that!!!

Show quote history

No. I was in too much pain to talk. They took it out and that was that. He wasn't the best birthing partner to put mildly. My mum was there too when I started to deliver, but she had to sit down as she almost fainted. It was a pretty horrible experience all round to be honest.

YoureRockingTheBoat · 25/06/2023 22:44

Midwife was a great support in removing people from the room - my MIL on her own initiative when things got a bit naked, and my own mum when I simply asked her to perform the same magic once more. She was an absolute champ - as far as I could work out in my confused state she was by my side the entire time, despite apparently having other births going on in other rooms.

twoandcooplease · 25/06/2023 22:53

That is just shit all round I'm really sorry your experience was ruined
At one point I looked round the room to see DP in the fetal position on a pull out and between moaning I could hear him snoring. I was really angry at that but I'm now mad for you. Bless, you did a fantastic job all on your own well done girl! Xx

twoandcooplease · 25/06/2023 22:54

twoandcooplease · 25/06/2023 22:53

Sorry for @Lucy Long Socks

gettingoldisshit · 25/06/2023 23:15

My ex with dc num 2! He told me to " fucking hurry up because he was tired" and then started verbally abusing the midwife because the staff were taking to long ( in his opinion) to decide weather to do an emergency c-section or not!

firsttimemum1230 · 25/06/2023 23:23

My child’s dad was abusive A lot towards the end of pregnancy the moods and everything however he was the best birthing partner I could have wished for. I remained relaxed and positive and knew the baby was coming which ever way! I can’t remember a big chunk in the middle but he said I was great. I had my waters popped at half 3/4 didn’t give birth till 21:46 I can remember the start and I can remember asking for pethadine at 8 and then saying I needed too poo at what ever time I started pushing and she was here. He wasn’t overbearing he let me do my thing.

nildesparandum · 25/06/2023 23:31

I have had two c sections alone and under GA. This was in the old days before partners, mothers or anyone else were allowed in the theatre.
Mind if it had been allowed I would still have been alone as my DH told me he wanted nothing to do with it until it was all over
So birth partners did not exist in my case.

Farcry66 · 27/06/2023 11:11

With my first, I spent most of my time during induced labour having to check that he was okay and listening to him making stupid jokes at the midwife. When it turned into an EMCS he fainted when he saw the needle for the spinal. When I came out and was on the ward, he buggered off to the other end of the country by train to have a look at a car he might want to buy .... 12 hours after a section When I couldn't move!

Second time around I told him I didn't want him there. He met me in recoverey after I'd had a section - much better experience.

I'm having my 3rd in December but with a new partner, I'm very much hoping it will be a very different experience!

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