Giving birth – what to expect

[esgill]

I'm 26 + 2 and coming up to the third trimester, and realising now that birth isn't too far away. I was distracted for 20 weeks with the worst nausea. Now I am feeling much more with it but a little nervous thinking about labour and all it entails. I've heard very mixed stories from friends. Most were first-time mums and had excruciating 72-hour labours. I've googled it a lot and heard stories of "perfect" or "nightmare" home births, terrible fundal massages, or easygoing hospital births with an epidural. I suppose I just want to know what happens, what the warning signs tend to be, when it's time to go to hospital, how long it can last with your first, things I can do now to prepare my body etc.

People do love to share a horror story, but the majority of vaginal births are fairly straightforward affairs and there's a lot you can do to prepare and influence your birth as well. Hypnobirthing etc.

I had a very lovely, and very fast, home birth with my first. I hired a pool which worked wonders and used gas & air which I absolutely loved.

I did end up with a tear that had to be stitched up in hospital but it really wasn't a big deal, recovery was quick, and you don't feel it happening.

Of course, it does hurt, but it's not a pain like breaking your arm, it feels purposeful and you can work through it.

My first labour was my longest (24 hours) and started with waters breaking. The whole labour was quite a shock. I didn't comprehend how painful it would be (for me). I don't deal with pain well and hadn't wanted an epidural. I had one eventually and it changed things dramatically for me. I was induced for my second and third labours. They were shorter at 4 hours each. Epidural didn't work at all for my second (didn't know it was a thing so was shocked and I struggled mentally). My third labour was the best, I asked for epidural from the start- they took a while to come and the nurse helped me to breath properly. I wish I had looked into breathing exercises beforehand as once I realised how to do it, it made such a difference!! By the time I had my third I almost wished I could go through it again.

are you signed up to an antenatal course? they're good at talking you through the process and your options.

The worst thing you can do is listen to people's horror stories! It just sets you up mentally for things to go wrong and you need to be in a good happy relaxed headspace.

I would really recommend reading The Positive Birth book by Milli Hill - it goes through all aspects of all different types of birth, as well as the physiological science behind it and why we need to keep happy hormones flowing! From having no clue what to expect this gave me so much confidence.

I think the contractions are the worst part and they can go on for quite some time. I didn't do any research and buried my head in the sand when it came to it!

Also I think people are so prepared for the birth they forget to tell you about how you'll feel afterwards and you might feel like you've been run over by a bus and in a state of shock! (I did with my first)

My first Labour was 45 minutes so it really can vary!

I would say listen to your body, and have a birthing partner who can clearly state your preferences. My husband basically bullied them to admit me, and I gave birth within 15 minutes of being admitted!

Just go with it. Anything really can happen. Practice your breathing. I was ftm delivered within 2 hours of arriving at hospital. No time for anything other than gas and air. Tore but stitches have healed. Felt great post shower. Good luck

Breathing techniques !!! I honestly cannot recommend them enough. They worked better than morphine for me. My first was horrendous when I didn't know how to breathe through the pain but my second was bliss

What I will say is mostly it doesn’t go from no pain to excruciating screaming pain immediately (or in some cases at all). The contractions can start with twinges like period cramps or back ache, and they increase over the hours, so you can handle it! It’s if you’ve been labouring for hours and are exhausted and in pain for a long time that wrecks you.

allmy contractions were in my back with one baby, had gas and air right at the end before being whizzed to theatre for epidural and forceps delivery (which was absolutely fine, calm and I recovered fine!) second baby started with back ache at 7am but thought I’d bounced to excessively on my ball the night before. By lunch time I was a bit uncomfortable but didn’t need paracetamol. So I expected hours and hours still to go. An hour later I started groaning but still no need for pain relief just breathing. Then they were quite close together, so went to hospital and gave birth on all 4s with my leggings round my ankles 15 mins after arriving!

My births were straightforward.
I learned hypnobirthing for my first as I have anxiety and wanted to have tools to help me keep calm and in control.
It worked amazingly and I kept cool for the entire labour.

How it started was I woke up having contractions (39 weeks) and assumed I had a bad stomach so went to the bathroom to see if I needed to go. I sat on the toilet and my waters went with a huge gush! I felt an instant feeling of pure excitement and anticipation.
I went straight to the hospital and they put me straight in a delivery room as I had strep b so needed to start antibiotic drips.
It was a 23 hour labour but very uneventful (thankfully) and dd was born healthy and I didn't tear.

Dd 2 I assumed since I'd already done hypnobirthing, I wouldn't need to practice 😂 I was very wrong! I had them close together so the second time was a lot more painful.
I asked for an epidural and instantly felt fine so watched Netflix on my phone until it was time to push 😂
It was 11 hours the second time and once again, very uneventful. Dd2 and I were both well.

I was induced as had Gestational Diabetes. So at 37.5 weeks I went into the local hospital as planned at 8am and checked in.

There was some waiting about then I was put on a BP monitor and had a belly band put on to check babies heart rate for about 30 minutes to make sure everything looked good.

More waiting then a pessary was inserted and another 30 minutes of monitoring.

Then lots of waiting, wandering, reading, watching telly, wandering, waiting......... at about 5pm I told DH to go home because seemed silly both of us being boiling hot and bored in hospital and I got checked into the ward just in time for the worst sausage and mash I've ever eaten.

Sleep was hard to come by because they kept the ward roughly the same temperature as the sun so I spent most of the night wandering around before staging a break out at about 3am for a trip to the local Tesco Express to buy snacks, cold drinks and reading material then sneaking back in.

Morning finally arrived, did a spot more monitoring then they checked my cervix and said they thought they'd be able to break my waters when someone was free. DH arrived at that point. So I waited around for a few more hours, had a very sad, very dry chicken sandwich and re-read the magazines I'd read 3 times already.

1pm they were finally able to break my waters, then me and DH went for a walk outside, hadn't expected the waters to keep going so ended up soaked through and contractions started coming through regularly.

Back to the waiting area/ward but where I was hanging out till they decided I was in established Labour, tried bouncing on a ball but didn't like it. Everything moved pretty quick though, so got some gas n air, and then all of a sudden I knew I needed to push, MW thought I was getting ahead of myself so I told DH to get ready to catch, that made her hurry over and check me and there was DDs head, so I had to hop back onto the bed, while she shouted for help to wheel me to the delivery room. DD was born in one big push in the corridor half way between the ward and the delivery room.

Had a 2nd degree tear so that was stitched up with the help of a bit of gas n air.

Overall a bit boring and lots of waiting but a good experience.

Don’t read the bad stories. I had two very different labours and neither were “textbook”. I had issues with both that some people would consider a bad experience but I felt great after both.
DS1 waters broke at home but wasn’t in established labour 33 hours later so was put on the drip at 10am. Relaxed labour and I had an epidural at 12 (I was tired because of the long latent stage). Spent the afternoon chatting with DH and discovered I was fully dilated. Pushing lasted 15 minutes and he was born at 430pm. My contractions were never regular. I suffered a haemorrhage but I have no negative feelings towards it, I was euphoric and felt very empowered giving birth.
DS2 I had some unexplained bleeding so the induced me, first by breaking my water at 7ish but again ended up on the drip around 10am. Declined an epidural at 2 and wasn’t feeling the contractions until 230pm. Asked for an epidural at 430pm. By the time we realised it had failed I was in transition, there was no way they could redo it. I won’t lie: I had a moment of
panic because I hadn’t quite got my head around the fact that it might not work and things were getting intense (induced labour is supposed to hurt more apparently). The gas and air made me feel sick by this point so I gave birth with no pain relief. I had just had a vaginal exam (8cm) when my body started pushing, I didn’t have control but was utterly epic, again it was a 15 minute pushing stage. I had an unexpectedly large baby with a head size off the charts. Again very empowered and proud of myself.
Second degree tear with both. Some complications with recovery due to a pre existing condition.

Even if you only read 'positive' birth stories there will be parts of some of them that sound horrific to you personally, and wouldn't be what you want. What's perfect for one would be a nightmare for others. For that reason take every story you read online with a pinch of salt. It's so unpredictable - literally any combination of many things could happen, so there's not much point trying to control it. I found accepting that I wasn't going to be in complete control and just going with what was happening in the moment worked for me.
Having said that I wish people had warned me that the last bit of vaginal birth feels like you're pushing baby out your bum. I didn't know and I had a panic that something was wrong!
Finally, Google the BRAIN risk assessment tool, that helped me loads. Best of luck!

I gave birth in October and have had 6 friends have babies in the last 12 months. Every single one has had a different experience giving birth. Whether it was natural, c section, inductions, forceps etc!

I was induced and had the baby within 24 hours which is quick for an induction process. I didn’t had time for pain relief at the end as it all happened so quickly. It was the most painful thing ever but free 24 hours felt amazing because I did it! Remember giving birth is trauma to your body.. it is unlike anything you will ever experience but your experience is unique to you!

People do love a horror story when it comes to giving birth.

If you haven’t already looked at any courses I would highly recommend the bump to baby chapter. It’s a load of videos you can watch as much as you want and goes through labour and birth and how to feel in control, breathing techniques, even a part for your partner to watch. It’s really really good. All done by a midwife.

I was only 21 with my first and terrified of birth and tensed up a lot which made it worse, doing that course I felt much more relaxed second time round and had a great birth. There’s lots of stories from first time mums using it and having great births too.

I got induced at 38+5 and it went on for about 3 days. The pain wasn't continuous, maybe 6 hours per pessary? I got given 4 over the 3 days. That for me was the most painful part as there was no let up with the pain and you only get paracetamol.

I then got a sweep and my waters broke and I went down to the labour suit. Of course it was painful, but they have the strong drugs 🤣 and it was the most amazing experience, even the pain & some scary parts too. I loved every single minute of it.

One thing I would say is if you've got your heart set on a drug free birth, good for you. But don't let your pride stand in the way. I wish I got the epidural sooner.

Also - the most painful part is just before you push. The pressure in your bum is insane. But that's followed by the amazing relief of pushing baby and placenta out 🤣

I have 4 weeks left with DC2. Nervous/excited.

Had a membrane sweep at 10am on the Monday. By the afternoon I got little niggles, by the evening they were more frequent and noticeable. Throughout the night they were 5-7 minutes apart, this carried on throughout the next morning (Tuesday) and early Afternoon, no more progression than that, but it was getting more painful (manageable definitely) I just keep up with my breathing techniques. Then I noticed a reduction in movements. So they advised me to come in for monitoring.
Got there about 4pm. While monitoring they said that I wasn't in established Labour (one doctor was quite rude and said I was experiencing "tightenings" rather than contractions, and would need to be induced as it was my second time having reduced movements in the pregnancy and I was 40+11. While waiting for a room to get induced, another midwife put me back on the monitor at this point as she could see I was clearly having contractions, she said I was having 4 contractions in every 10 minutes. But as they had no beds I would need to wait for one to come available and they would keep me down in the assessment centre for as long as they could. They told my husband that he would need to leave at 8pm as they were the visiting hours, but I was clearly in labour and beginning to really feel the contractions now, breathing through them and really having to concentrate on getting through each one. My husband refused to leave until they examined me, new midwife came and on examination found I was 5cm. They then sent me up to the delivery suite straight away.
In the delivery suite the midwives were incredibly attentive, got me the gas and air instantly. Made me feel very relaxed and comfortable, and I felt all the worry lift and was able to fully allow my body to go with it. The pain by this point was intense but again I was coping well, your body finds a way of just doing it. The gas and air was amazing for me, it was a wonderful pain relief. I did ask for an epidural because I feared I wouldn't cope with anything more pain wise, and the midwife was very happy to oblige but wanted to make sure I was sure as in her words "your progressing incredibly well and coping very well" I said I would want it, she said she would arrange it. She came and assessed me an hour later (10pm ish) and I was 8cm, she then burst my waters and asked if I still wanted the epidural, I said yes again. However I dilated so quickly that the anaesthetist didn't have time to come around. By 10:30pm I was fully dilated and ready to push. I struggled with the pushing, by that point you're exhausted and have little energy left to push but again you still manage somehow. I did tell the midwives to go and get the forceps because I was just too tired, they said that was the first time anyone had ever asked for them before. 😂The Midwives have to cut me which was not painful at all as they numb the area. Dd was then born with one push after the cut at 00:06 on the Wednesday.
So all in all, Labour was 30 hours, with latent Labour included. 3.5 hours from getting to delivering suite at 5cm to birth. The pain was intense but it's manageable, I could deal with no pain relief for a while but then the gas and air was wonderful and saw me all the way through. I'm so glad I didn't get the epidural because I now know how capable I am, which I didn't think I was. However next time I will probably ask for one again because there is no glory in not having it. I'm grateful that it went so quickly really, and so successfully. I have always been petrified by the thought of child birth, but it went better than I had expected.

I gave birth in March to my first. I had no clue what to expect or how I would know or started. I went overdue and had 3 stretch and sweeps which I didn’t find too bad. Induction was booked for 12 days over. Morning after 3rd sweep 4am woke up with pains but more in my bum than belly. Honestly weren’t bad so went to hospital around 11am to be told not in Labour but wouldn’t examine me (how they knew I wasn’t in labour I don’t know!?) wanted to induce me then but no space so sent me home to come back following day for monitoring as my blood pressure was high. Got home around 1ish and all pain gone! Started again next morning 4am and got worse I tried timing contractions but never got closer together. Used a TENS machine which was amazing - highly recommend. I still didn’t know was Labour, I thought braxton hicks as pain all in my bum. Got to hospital at 4-5cm. Knew I wanted epidural said from beginning of being pregnant. They did try persuade me to not get one I think because they wanted me to go to birth centre not Labour ward but I was adamant I wanted epidural so went to Labour ward. Went straight to Labour ward and got one. Rest was a blur and although my partner would say traumatic and if probably was I don’t think it was that bad. I don’t even know when my waters went. Even when I was pushing, my contractions never became consistent, sometimes I had a few in a few minutes, then a break for 10 minutes even at 10cm dilated 🤷🏻‍♀️
I nearly needed Emcs but didn’t and for an episiotomy and it wasn’t too bad after either. I would do it all again because I don’t think it was that bad
I actually remember laughing a lot throughout Labour from the gas and air which I loved 🤣
Ward after I hated, so hot and loud I couldn’t sleep probably due to all my emotions too.

There's so much variation, it's probably pointless asking tbh. My advice would be to go as natural as possible, avoid an induction unless necessary as intervention leads to more intervention. Definitely do an antenatal class, I was amazed at what I learned and how clueless I was.

My advice is don't think you're better than pain relief. Nobody gets a medal for a natural birth. I had an epidural and slept until I was 10cm, pushed without feeling a thing (other than the sensation to poo), and went home 12 hours later .

It’s an incredible experience. Yes it is long painful and messy, but also amazing. My tips are have pain relief if you want/need it. Have someone with you who will advocate for you, and support you through the experience. If you are having your partner have a back up person. Someone who has been through it and will help you through the contractions not sit on their phone in the corner.

Agree with having a support person who knows your birthplan and the alternate options and will be your advocate. If your partner isn't capable (I would hope he is!!) then get someone else. Agree re all the posts re hypnotherapy. You can't predict what it will be like, because there are too many variables, but you can know what your ideal scenario is and go from there.