Freaking out! First time mum

[Missguidedsmiles]

Hiya mamma's!

I know this may look like a very incompetent question..but I'm about to become a first time mum and I am freaking out!
Around my area there is no antenatal classes or anything as such! I have no mum friends either!
I havent even learnt how to make a bottle or how long to feed the baby ext.
Am I going to be a bad mum for not already knowing all of this?
Do they teach you / tell you in hospital?
How am I expected to know how to do absolutely everything and get everything right?

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Is your mum around and able to help you?
And what about the baby's father?

You can ask your GP or midwife about what support is available locally.

Otherwise, MN can be a good source of info.
There are also lots of great books out there.

How 'about' are you? 39 weeks?

Are you sure there’s no antenatal classes at all? Have you asked your midwife? Even if there are no actual courses, you will have access to advice from your community midwife, a breastfeeding support worker will talk you through feeding stuff as well.

I am pretty sure the NHS is obligated to provide access to these services so start chasing this up! If you want to share where you are based I may be able to help.

I am also a FTM and have no idea what im doing, you’re very much not alone! And some of it we will learn by doing. Just make sure you ask any questions you have as you deserve to feel reassured and have the info you want!

Most pratical stuff like bottles or nappies is not rocket science, but if there really are no groups near you reading some books could help. Here's a list that seems to have a decent selection: https://www.expertreviews.co.uk/baby/1407107/best-parenting-books-new-baby

My hospital had breastfeeding support sessions, for example, so even if there's nothing pre-natal, there should be support for mums

You could try youtubing it as well. Not hands on lessons, but you will get to see what happens.

The NHS run antenatal classes online. Ask your midwife.

There are other online classes too like hypobirthing and pregnancy yoga.

If you are about to give birth I'm sure the midwives in the hospital or home birth will show you how to put a nappy on and breastfeed a baby. After they discharge you the health visitor may have lists of new mums in your area that you can hook up with (my didn't but she didn't actually visit, she'd just leave voicemail messages)

Hiya everyone, thankyou for replying, I am 35 weeks today
I don't talk to my parents as I was in the system as a child, i live with my partner but bless him he has no clue either...
i have googled antenatal classes and even asked area Facebook pages multiple times for classes but either get ignored or can't find anything except toddler groups which doesn't seem helpful for a newborn..
I have looked up online but everyplace says something different and I'd rather ask a human questions and advice then videos and get it wrong..
I looked at online classes but £69 a class's seems a little steep in the boat I am in.
I suffer with anxiety which isn't helping me very much
I will ask my midwife at my next appointment and let her know I am scared and lost on what to do! Hopefully she can lead me in the right direction

I really think there should be more options for new mothers available

I became a FTM during covid so no classes and just had to google/use leaflets/hope for the best.

Making a bottle- the formula box will have the steps

How often to feed- depends on baby

Nappies/car seat- look at them now with a soft toy or pillow

Sterlaising- buy a milton bucket and sterlaising tablets, wash everything and chuck it in until you need it, change the fluid every 24 hours

Honestly it was scary, we were feeding him wrong in hospital (turns out you shove the whole teat in their mouth!) But you learn fast. And I made mum friends at classes asking having him and now we all ask each other for help.
You can do this, and remember baby doesn't know you're doing it wrong!!

Definitely your midwife is your first port of call. You should already have been offered ante natal classes of some sort. Speak to her, perhaps ask to speak to your health visitor (you will have one visit when baby is born but no harm in asking).

It'll be ok. None of us know what we're doing. It's a case of working it out as you go along. By the time baby number 2 came along for me, it was all different again and I had to relearn despite being in my 40's. Don't be afraid to contact your midwife if you're unsure of anything at all. Good luck

Oh also to add that with sterilising etc that was just an example there's loads of safe ways, pick the one you prefer!

Your midwife can definitely help, but I actually found these free online classes really helpful! There’s a free baby safety one too. They’re live classes with a trained professional and they go through the basics - no need for the bigger paid one, this should help a little bit 😊

https://yourbabyacademy.com/uk/free-online-workshop/

@Stressedoutforever thankyou so much! Screenshotted that! Super helpful! I think I'm going to do a whole week of huge research, so I know the general idea! You are a star🌟

@TheFormidableMrsC thankyou for the reassurance! Xx

Thankyou to everyone for all your replies 🥰

Check out the NCT- they do amazing in person classes for £30 for low income families. You get a great support network then too

I think the other thing I'd add is that you may be planning to breastfeed and that is absolutely the best thing if you can. However, I would make sure you have some formula and sterilised bottles available just in case. I can think of two instances of friends where milk just didn't come in and they found themselves in a predicament, in one instance the visiting midwife actually went and got formula because mum and baby were distressed. It's a standby measure that I did with both of mine even though I ultimately breast fed.

When it comes to caring for a newborn, the best advice I was ever given was

' just remember which end is up!'

Seriously, they do cover a lot in hospital. You still leave the hospital full of confidence until your front door closes and then wtaf? Mode will set in.

I highly recommend the American sites what to expect and their app is fantastic and kellymom for all things baby feeding related. Just bear in mind they are american resources and their guidelines do vary from what we have here. The NHS and babycentre uk are also good sources of info.

Your town may not have antenatal classes but check out neighbouring towns. Look at gyms, sometimes mom groups run from those and the local libraries will usually have a baby class or 5.

Good luck and congratulations, you've got this!

Hi OP, just to say everybody feels a bit lost with their first baby, you are not alone!

My biggest tip is not to take all advice as gospel (unless it is something safety critical of course). If something works for you and baby - great. If not, there are usually other ways of doing things. You will find your own way.

Congratulations! A lot of us didn't really know what we were doing before our first babies came along, I promise! I was completely rubbish but luckily my sister was a mum and she also a children's nurse.

We did NCT classes which helped a little but the best part was the friends we made, we had a group chat and that is how I learnt a lot!

Where are you based?

If you formula feed, the Perfect Prep machine is amazing! I have a 6 year old and a baby and even the second time around I was like WHAT am I doing?!