Hyperemesis and family size

[Robinbuildsbears]

Currently 36 weeks pregnant with DC2, and really struggling with sickness this week, more than usual and can't keep my tablets down. Feeling worse than I did with my first labour, and now I'm thinking that I can't go through all this again for months at a time. Has anyone else had to have fewer children than they wanted purely because of pregnancy sickness? Feeling heartbroken that this might have to be my last baby.

I stopped at 2 dc due to hg. No way could I be a mum to my 2 while going through that and I still have a lot of guilt about how little dc1 was when I was pregnant and really sick with dc2. I still get nauseous/ vomit quite easily too even though it's been a few years now. I wouldn't want my dc to see me like that for a whole pregnancy again now.

I had hg but not for just as long as that op so dear love you. I really want a second child but it does really worry me how I'd manage looking after ds if I was as sick as I was before. I know dh would be hands on and I'm currently leaning towards getting it all over and done with while ds is young and won't remember me not being able to do as much with him. At least that's my logic presently. I'm also going to plan it more this time so dh can take more time off work to help etc and will wait until ds is in nursery full time. I think you just need to take it as it comes and see how you go. I have friends who needed to be hospitalised with hg and they're on number 3 at the moment but she took long gaps in between to let herself recover and didn't put any pressure on herself one way or the other to make a decision. We had a huge scare at the start of my pregnancy and honestly I think it's the only reason I was able to enjoy it as much as I did despite being so sick because the sickness in a weird way was reassuring. If I ever had a day where I thought it was easing (it didn't until about 30wks) it made me super anxious. So I know it's really hard to do but try to take any wee moments you can to self care and bond with baby and savour that aspect of it. Your body is working really hard and it's ok to feel that it's hard, you're nearly there!

I'm the same but from my horrific EMCS childbirth experience with dd. I'm pregnant again and dreading it (my lovely midwife is very much aware and we have an ELCS planned).

I always wanted lots of kids, used to joke about a 5-a-side team. But dh and I have agreed he'll get a vasectomy after this second one. He's on board with that additionally because he thinks it makes more sense financially. If I'd had straightforward birth(s) like some of my friends have had, I'd be filling the house with babies!

HowdoIleave I am feeling pretty guilty about how sick I've been infront of my toddler, although she honestly doesn't seem to care at all. When I was that age I was traumatized by my mum having HG with twins, and had a phobia of vomiting for most of my childhood. I'd hate to cause that much distress to my children. I just come from a big family and never imagined myself with fewer than 3 children.

@Mummy08m just to say I had a wonderful experience with my elcs so hopefully you will too. Its very very different from an emcs and the staff etc are all really happy and positive about it so it's a nice atmosphere etc. My recommendation is make a playlist and bring it with you to give you something to focus on if you get a bit nervous. Good luck!

Sorry to derail thread!

Yes i would have a third but can’t due to HG. I was pregnant with a third but ended up with a TFMR as my liver started to fail etc. My body wasn’t coping. I’ve had a lot of counselling and it still upsets me.

There’s still a part of me that would love another but the idea of putting myself at risk and leaving my kids without a mother scares me massively. There is a woman who died of HG last year in the UK.

Pregnancy sickness support is great if you haven’t come across them. You can ring them for advice or just to cry.

You are doing amazing and nearly there! In a few months time you will have your appetite back and can eat what you want.

There is a 4.5year age gap between my children and a great deal of the reasoning behind that is that I had awful HG with DC1. I wasn’t sure I wanted a second. Ok, there were other things at play, but I think the HG influenced me enormously.

I really did my homework before DC2, as medications were largely unsuccessful in my first pregnancy. And then, incredibly, I didn’t have HG with my second at all.

I had three, as I was told “ it may not happen with the next”, Never again!!

Thank you so so much, this is really nice to hear. I'm so glad it was better for you the second time. Every time a mum shares a positive story like that it makes me feel a touch less dread about the elcs! Thank you

Ilovetea42 thank you for the reassurance, I'm sorry you had such a stressful time with your pregnancy. I've been to the hospital a few times earlier on for IV fluids, but apparently at this stage of pregnancy they won't do that unless I'm admitted overnight, so I'm pretty reluctant to do that, it seems like a really expensive waste of NHS resources to me. I am still in my twenties so I do have plenty of time to forget how awful I feel and change my mind in a few years time, but I've heard that HG gets worse the older the mother is, so I'd really wanted it all done and out of the way.

Not every pregnancy is same, I was sick as dog with my first 2 pregnancies ...2 years apart. Now pregnant again 12 years after my last birth and no sickness at all from the start. Also if you leave bigger gap after 2 kids, they become independent and like now 11&13 years old don't need babysitting and constant watching.

Tinkietot I'm so sorry, that sounds awful 😞 thank you for reminding me that I'll start to feel better soon, it feels like it's been such a long time. Almost hoping to go into labour early to make it stop. The hospital were lovely about it earlier on, but it seems like there's less support available from them later on in pregnancy

I feel for you, OP, HG is absolutely horrendous. I had it with both of my pregnancies, worse with the second sadly. I would love another baby but my husband and I have decided not to. I don't think my mental health could withstand another 9 months of feeling that ill and I couldn't put my eldest through it again. I still have two gorgeous babies though, so really can't complain😊

I had it on DC2 after just normal sickness with DC1. I stopped at 2, there's no way I could.go through it again but with 2 children this time

Moni81 I have been thinking about leaving it for several years before trying for another one. I just keep thinking about my own sibling dynamics, where my youngest brother is quite a bit younger than the other 4 of us, and he always seems to be overlooked or forgotten about or treated like a burden, and doesn't have the same sort of friendship us older ones have. I know that's not at all guaranteed to be the case, I've just always thought I wouldn't want to do something similar with my own children.

I have 4. I had HG throughout all my pregnancies. I wouldn't say I got used to it but I coped better each time. I knew when to get help, when the meds weren't working I knew when I needed different meds - I knew all the meds🙂. My eldest was 8 when I had my youngest. None of my children were traumatised as far as I can tell and they are much older now.
It also depends what your support network looks like - although I don't have family nearby, I do have good friends who would do school drop off / pick up if needed and a husband who stepped up without complaint!
I think you know yourself how you are coping mentally and whether you can do it again. I knew it was a short term thing and for me it was worth it, but I wasn't on my own...

I've had two easy as fuck pregnancies. I'm pretty sure I didn't realise it at the time and whinged a bit - but past me was obviously a bloody idiot.

I'm 16 weeks in again and still feel absolutely sick as fuck. I definitely won't be having any more. I didn't see this coming at all - I thought I just coped well with being pregnant but honestly I'm just praying for it to lift soon because 5 more months of this will finish me off!

Bimbil19 I am definitely looking forward to meeting my second daughter and seeing how they both bond and grow up together ☺️

handmademitlove I do have a wonderful large support network of my and especially my DH's family, and honestly feel a bit like I'm not trying hard enough and with so much help and support I should really be finding all this easier. I had pretty poor mental health in my teens and early twenties, which improved a lot when I had my first baby, sort of the opposite of PPD which I didn't at all expect. But I do worry that I won't be able to cope mentally with the sickness again, I know it's only temporary but it just feels so relentless and I struggle to remember what it feels like to not be so ill.

ohfook as awful as I still feel, I definitely started to notice a bit of an improvement overall around about 20 weeks, which I think is quite common, so hopefully it won't be too bad for you for the whole pregnancy.

@Robinbuildsbears be kind to yourself - when in the midst of it, it is brutal. Your job is to look after yourself first as no-one else can. But they can look after other children, the house, shopping, cooking.... So let them! It won't be forever

I lived in hope that my second pregnancy wouldn't be as bad but sadly it was worse. I'm so grateful for my two beautiful children but I'm completely traumatised by my pregnancies and will never be doing it again