being left for someone else when pregnant and how to deal with co parenting

[LD233]

Hey. 34 weeks pregnant and really struggling mentally and have been for months 💔 I've had my heart broken. Me and my ex split when I was 16 weeks pregnant and found out he had been seeing his ex and is now in a relationship with her playing happy families with her and its breaking my heart. He tries to talk to me as friends but knowing he's with his ex that took him to court by the way and stopped him seeing his other son, its so hard and I just feel so much anger and resentment towards him. He promised he wouldn't leave and would stick by me and he's actually done the worst thing possible.

I already suffer with anxiety and depression and this has made me 100 times worse and I worry about post partum depression the state I'm in

I haven't been able to enjoy my pregnancy at all because of how he's treated me.

How do you all coparent with someone who has destroyed you at the most vulnerable time of your life? I cry myself to sleep every night whilst he's with her and sure they're trying for another baby again. he has a child already with her previously. But I obviously wouldn't stop him seeing his child. He hasn't supported me at all in my pregnancy and I haven't seen him at all hardly. He said support will start when baby is here. He hasn't cared about my mental state or what he's done to me he shows no remorse. We have slept together a few times not for around 6 weeks now but he got into my head promised he wasn't with her but has been with her the whole time lying to me about it.

I cry and hug my stomach apologising to my son the pain is so bad I just don't know how to start feeling better. I feel so betrayed and hurt I just can't believe this is happening to me and I planned to be with him not single

First priority is you and baby.

set some ground rules around visiting. he’s already had you over a barrel so don’t let all decisions be on him. Also discuss child maintenance too. Use the cms calculator to decide on a fair amount.

Make it so he can visit baby x times per week for an hour or 2. Once baby is a bit older then build up to him taking baby out eventually sleep overs if that’s agreed. that way he can build a bond with baby if he wishes and you can see baby is ok without you. it will give you a chance to shower/nap etc too.

leave the relationship stuff out the door, if he starts discussing anything like that divert the subject. You need to work on you. Have you discussed your circumstances with your midwife?

At the moment you feel betrayed but once baby arrives they will be your world.

Were you married or in a civil partnership? If not you might want to think about whether you actually want to co-parent with this man. He sounds horrible and so far has no established ongoing relationship with you (or apparent interest in your unborn baby).

You don't have to put him on the birth certificate. He could apply later to be put on, and he could insist on a DNA test to prove parenthood, but given all you've said above is this likely? Does he even really want to see the baby and parent them? It sounds like he's already had issues with this kind of thing as you mention his ex ""took him to court" (don't take anything this man says at face value, I'd want to see receipts for everything he tells you about his ex and parental agreements).

Don't tie yourself into co-parenting with this man automatically without thinking about your options. The way he behaved with his ex is likely how he'll behave with you.

There are some red flags here OP.

Thank you I have spoken to midwife I have another appointment on Friday going up bring it up then too as its difficult. And need to focus on getting better mentally x

Hi we wasn't. We was together for one year. He wanted this baby and he promised he'd never leave and stick by me but as soon as his court case was finished with his ex he went back go her and tossed me to the side whilst pregnant. I admit I was hard work at first in the pregnancy with my emotions and hormones and he said that's the reason why and he couldn't handle it. Stoll gives him no excuse for what he's done and how he's left me alone in my pregnancy. He says he will be here when baby is here as much as he can but I will struggle seeing him so it will be hard x

He sounds like a piece of shit that you're better off without. I feel bad for his ex who's with him again.

I personally wouldn't want to co-parent with him so would leave him off the birth certificate and raise the child myself

If he really wants a relationship with the child then fine but it doesn't sound as if he'd pursue it

Honestly if the man can’t hack it with a lady in early pregnancy he isn’t worth bothering with.
also if he will do it with you he will do it to you. Worth keeping in mind. Forget about him and move on with your life. Wishing you and your baby every happiness

I would text him you won't be having sex with him again after last time <insert date >. I guarantee she will be checking his phone. His is playing you both. Contact cms. No need to have him on bc to claim money.. Have a friend there if you want him to see baby in the early days. Prevents any opportunity he may have to be behave in any way a twat. Baby needs your surname op. And your choice of first name too imo.
Do not update him anymore but try and enjoy the last bit of your pregnancy. Bonding with your baby is all you need to focus on right now.

Thanks everyone yes I'm going to try and enjoy my last 6 weeks now. I believe in karma and hope it hits him in future x

He wanted a baby but couldn't handle a pregnant woman he supposedly loves? 🙄Even though he already has a child so should know the ropes? Honestly he sounds like very bad news. I'm sorry but he doesn't look like he'll be supporting you when the baby is here.

I'm so sorry you've been treated like this, he sounds like a horrible person who doesn't deserve you or your baby. I'd agree with much of the advice given above. I wish you and your baby all the best and I hope you can enjoy the end of your pregnancy.

What a piece of S**t!!!! I would be furious!!! He is not worth your time or effort. You are better off without him - he is in no way dependable so how is he supposed to be helping you raise a child?!

Is he going around getting women pregnant on purpose???!!! Sounds awful. Don’t go near him again.

I would not even mention him on the birth certificate. Doesn’t deserve to be a part of your child’s life.

This just made me mad. No one should be treated like this.

I know thank you he really is a piece of shit. I've finally cut contact with him for now because he has severely affected me - he has no emotions and just tells me I'm crazy all the time because I react out of complete hurt and betrayal. He has no remorse and he doesn't care - apparently she was pregnant in March and had a miscarriage- whilst I was pregnant with his baby! And they're still together sleeping together unprotected and trying for another one. It makes me so angry that I've had to go through this pregnancy completely alone and he thinks he's going to be here all the time when he's born. I've told him I want him nowhere near me and contact will go through my mom for a while to start with at her house. Just been a nightmare but i know my son will heal me and the moment I meet him I hope to feel better x

I think maybe this is for the best - let her have him, and you find someone better for you and your child. He would only lead to heartache and instability.

So much better out there.

In the mean time - good luck, 6 weeks to go and you get to meet your little baby 😍. It will all be worth it. My children (even though they can be pains in the butts) are the greatest loves of my life. Having extra help with your family around is brilliant, for both you and your baby.

Wishing you all the best.

Thanks so.much x

So sorry to read this, this experience sounds horrendous for you, I literally can't imagine how that must have been making you feel! The pair of them sound like they deserve eachother, so try not to spare them a thought. If they had a healthy relationship of any kind in the beginning then they wouldn't have had to go through going to court etc. So sit back, be grateful you've seen his true colours and let karma do it's work.

Your strength will come as time goes on and one day you will look back and think I can't believe I actually wanted to be with such a vile human being! You call the shots, it's all your terms. When the baby comes make an arrangement with the dad that suits you and keep interaction to a minimum with him. You've got this!! x

thank you so much. Yes they didn't work before and it's like as soon as I got pregnant and their court case was over I was tossed to the side and they restarted like I don't exist. It's been truly horrible and he doesn't see wrong in what he's done he kind of blames it on me. Gaslighting. But I've cut contact for now until baby is born and yes everything will be on my terms after what he's done to me and put me through. No doubt she's probably pregnant again already by now too x

He can fuck off. No way would I let that bad an influence anywhere near my child. He has no rights at all unless he's willing to prove it.

Which is easily done with a DNA test.
At the end of the day he might be a shit partner, bit as a father he has the right to see his kid.

Yeah it's a hard situation as he has treated me so awfully and left me to do my pregnancy alone but yes he is the father. But I don't want him near me for a long time. So access is going through my family to start with to protect my mental health.

Hi, so sorry you have gone through this, just wondering how you have got on since? As I am in a very similar situation at the minute

@Soontobemummyagain1991 I'm interested too. How are you getting on?

I went through a very similar situation with my ex who went back to his ex and actually proposed to her when I was pregnant. My son is 5 months old and there's been little contact

I'm still really hurting about how he treated me but my baby is an angel.

Why are some men such shits 🤬

Realistically if he ends up having two young babies at the same time, how much is he going to be 'at yours'? Unless he has a cunning plan to have two families and sleep with you both (mysteriously always needing to be at the other house when any work needs doing).