Overwhelming sinking feeling

[Devonlassbornandbred]

So I'm 18 weeks pregnant and I've suddenly just got that horrendous feeling in the pit of my stomach - that I'm not made out for this and it's all a big mistake.

I feel horrendous saying that as I have several friends who would love to be in my position but I can't shake this feeling.

Like how do people know what to do with a newborn? There seems to be a list as long as your leg of things you have to buy and yet I still don't feel like I'll know what on earth I'm doing. Let alone trying to figure it out whilst doing normal house stuff. Like if I express or bottle feed is it meant to be heated, if so how do you know this? I feel like all I'll get is "just Google it" or "just ask the midwife" but how do you know to ask what you don't know is a thing?

I wouldn't really be one to reach out like this I'm just hoping I'm not on my own and I'll snap out of this. I don't really want to talk to my hubby about it in case it takes positivity away from him. I've not got any first time mum friends either. They're all seasoned warriors and just seem to have done it. Am I missing the mum gene?

Sorry for the rant I know this all sounds very petty I'm just hoping someone else is or has had a similar feeling to find a bit of solace.

I think everyone feels a bit like this. You don’t need to make decisions or buy everything until baby is here, really. Get the basics like a cot, car seat and clothes. Can you go to antenatal classes as they’ll cover a lot of practical issues

And definitely talk to your DH. You’re allowed to have worried and concerns, alongside being excited

You will be fine honestly. If you feed with formula for example, there's instructions on the packet. Anything that's sold for babies has really clear instructions on.

I remember feeling overwhelmed beforehand and that I wouldn't be a "natural" at it. I thought it would be like learning to drive or something (always been crap at that). And really it was fine.

To give an example...I was on the postnatal ward for two nights and by the time I got home, I could tell when my baby was hungry or crying for some other reason, because a hungry-cry is so distinctive. Nature knows what to do. And honestly as long as your baby is fed, clean and warm, that's all you need to worry about for quite a while!

Thank you @Lcb123 and @Mummy08m for taking the time to reply.
I'm definitely going to ask my midwife next appointment about classes.

Thank you for your support and reassurance. Fingers crossed this feeling passes soon. What with horrible morning sickness, extreme fatigue, frustrating cost of new clothes and bras and being stuck in that place where I just look chubbier not pregnant I've not been loving pregnancy so I'm hoping it's all just a mix of all that and the next couple of months will be better.

Thank you again.

This is a completely normal feeling. I had 10 years before my first and second and had all those feelings again even though I’d already done it. I think it’s one of those things that you figure out as you go along. You’ll be surprised how quickly you pick everything up and how your baby fits into your life as though they’d always been there

I was completely like this so don't worry! We went to antenatal classes which covered most things and you can ask questions on stuff you're not sure of :)

A lot of stuff you just figure out as you go, she's 4 months now and I'm still winging it but seems to be going ok!

@Devonlassbornandbred if it helps, im 19w and I kind of feel overwhelmed, I'm anxious all is ok with baby and still don't really believe I'm pregnant, like the thought of an actual baby is so alien to me, i won't have a clue either. I feel like I can't say anything to my husband about my worries either, anytime I do he just says "this is what you wanted", he doesn't get I'm not complaining!!

I'm freaked out about the idea of labour of delivery also, again my husband just tells me 'don't think about it'

I have a really supportive sister with a 3 year old who I know I will rely on heavily should everything go OK and I take home a healthy baby, do you have any female friends/relatives who can be a kind of mentor?

I remember having this feeling. Just overwhelmed and bewildered and no idea what to expect, and oh god what have I done?

Babies don't need very much to start with. For the first two weeks with my ds all I did was feed, change nappy, cuddle, and feed again. I appreciate though that even in those simple activities there are hundreds of questions. I had ideas about a lot of things, I wanted to use reusable nappies and breastfeed and ds wasn't going to co sleep for example. We managed combination feeding and not cosleeping, but the nappies gave ds horrible nappy rash so they were out.

What im saying is all the knowledge in the world can go out of the window when your baby actually arrives. You will get to know your baby, and learn what they need and how they work. There's no point having an instruction manual really because all babies are unique.

There are however lots of books out there, and classes too, I did antenatal classes run by my community midwives, which helped a bit. I liked the wonder weeks book as a guide for what to expect developmentally. And I probably asked a million questions on mumsnet.

But really what helped the most was having the baby and getting on with it. We had midwife visits several times in the two weeks after birth, and the health visitor team came to us a couple of times as well. They made sure we were on the right track. But ds and I just learned together as we went along. I think most of parenting is like that tbh!

And with two kids well out of the baby stage I'm probably in your seasoned warrior camp. But if you were my friend and came to me with questions, I'd happily share my experiences. Talk to your parent friends, I'm sure it wasn't as easy as they make it look, and I'm sure they were all as clueless at the start.

Whilst it sounds awful, I have loved reading this thread because ME TOO! I am now 27 weeks and I just have this sense of dread, I am tired, I am drained, I feel spaced out all the time. I havent really enjoyed pregnancy that much at all but I have been trying to be upbeat and positive but I am exhausted, and I am crying quite a lot but NO idea why. I just want to fast forward a few months and have my little one here!
Think women are told we should be grateful and pregnancy is nothing but magical, but lets ask women how they really experienced pregnancy!
I am a first time mum and I am scared so I can really relate to this. Sending love and hugs xx

Thank you everyone for your replies. I was really hesitant posting on here but I'm so glad I did.

@38andtrying I get the exact same from hubby. Or "but it's normal" oh so because it's "normal" it's OK? Don't even get me started on labour. The whole pregnancy/ labour thing basically seems out of a horror movie to me. It's the most unnatural natural thing ever and all I get told is "it's what your body is for". My body is also meant to run (probably) doesn't mean I want to do a marathon.
My friends are either childless (but desperate to have one) so might take my angst the wrong way or way too much on their plates with 3 under 5. I don't really have that many other friends.

@katmarie I do hope that in 20+ weeks I'll be like that. It's the longest rip off a plaster ever.

@UKBelgianMum I'm so glad it's been good to read. Really reassuring not only to know others are feeling it whilst pregnant but that most women appear to have felt it and got through it. Exactly why should we enjoy this. Don't get me wrong I'd love to enjoy it but it's not pleasant for everyone. It's like the conversation is finally helping about menopause publicly but not pregnancy. Yes it's meant to be a good thing but not always a pleasant thing. I get quite bitter that it's all on me. Nothing has changed for hubby at all. He actually told me off during the first trimester when I sad spewing everyday for not eating vegetables. He honestly had no idea.

Lots of love to everyone.

I was reading a book today (it was on the bring-and-borrow shelf at the soft play, I swear lol) called Pregnancy for Dads, part of the Dummies' Guide series. It was actually pretty good. If your dh generally intends to be supportive but is clueless, you could buy him that. I particularly liked the section about pregnancy symptoms, ie yes she really does need the loo that often, she really is that tired! She's growing your child so help her out with the housework. (It also had sections for looking after the baby once it's born but I didn't get onto reading those bits before having to put the book back)