Anxious, yet, excited about birth

[chillin12]

Hello everyone,

I am currently just over 37 weeks pregnant, hence, could go into labour any time. I am just looking for advice and tips. I am feeling excited knowing I can hopefully meet my baby soon, but, also so scared for the birth, and what to expect when labour starts. 😅😅

I find myself up at night, thinking and researching about the ways I’ll start labour, the birth, and when baby will arrive. I am a first time mother, so I am feeling nervous, but also, grateful that the time is approaching.

Thanks all 😊

I'm quite jealous you get to experience labour and birth for the first time, it's amazing!

Try not to over research - you have so little control over what actually happens. You get to say yes or no to certain things along the way, but ultimately your labour and birth could be completely different to what you expect. Instead, look up the BRAIN risk assessment tool and practice that - it'll help you make decisions as you go.

Labour and birth was the best experience of my life - the pain and pressure was terrible, but I would do it again and I'm so grateful I got to experience it.

I have a six week old (FTM) so labour is still pretty fresh in my mind!

I think the main thing is to remember that everyone's experience is different, and that you have to relinquish control to your body. Trust it to do what it needs to do, don't expect things to happen a certain way because that's what you're expecting.

Pretty much every mum I met told me how long their first labour was, to expect to be in the first stage for days, stop start, long second stage, pushing for hours, needing those jelly babies for energy, take all the pain relief etc etc. As it was, I laboured quickly, went from 4-10 in less than 3 hours and pushed baby out in 15 mins on gas & air alone (not through choice!). No time for using my handheld fan, didn't want any of the snacks I'd spent weeks buying and packing, and definitely not the delivery experience I'd thought I'd have.

I did however have full trust in the midwives looking after me and just went with it, doing what they told me to do when then told me to do it. The pain is like you've never experienced before, but the excitement of knowing you get to meet your baby at the end of it almost overpowers you, or at least it did for me.

Above all, remember that your body is made to do this, and it is made to recover afterwards too. Learn some breathing techniques and try not to worry about something that is pretty much out of your control. Use this time now to look after yourself!

On a practical level, pack some earplugs and an eye mask in your hospital bag just incase you end up on an antenatal ward beforehand!

Oh my goodness that overwhelming feeling of anxiety mixed with excitement I remember so well. I would honestly (honestly) do it again to experience those feelings of waiting for ds to finally be put into my arms

Once my waters broke I started stressing about all the things I didn't have ready yet. But when I left the house for the last time carrying baby in my belly instead of a car seat the emotions started coming
You really can go at any time now. Everyone told me 'your first is always late'.... errr yeah, ok. Tell that to the FTM who held onto that so was dumbfounded when waters broke unexpectedly at 36+2! My advice is don't listen to anything like that your baby is going to come and they'll do it when they want to

Have someone ready to capture your first family photos. We were in the hospital for 1 week and didn't get any until we got home. DP took pictures of me and vice versa but there wasn't any of the three of us that I wish we had

Do you have a portable fan? I got one from Amazon that went round my neck and was a godsend. It wasn't pretty but I was glad to have it
Make sure DP fully knows your birth plan and your expectations of how it will go re pain relief and comforting. And is ready to listen to your midwives when you are focusing and is ready to advocate for you when you can't yourself
Know signs of jaundice in newborns. This was missed for the first 2 days but looking back on pictures there were obvious signs that we could have spotted when drs didn't and it may have meant less stay in hosp if we knew earlier. Nothing to worry about too much though just be aware

My hosp midwives were amazing with helping me to breastfeed. Ds was on a 2hr feed schedule so they really helped me with all my q's and latch problems. Use the help from them as much as you can while you have them and when you're home you should have a local breastfeeding support network that are great

I will think of more little things but huge congratulations on your (soon to be in your arms) little bundle of joy. This is an incredible time for you and your family and I wish you an easy delivery and lots of best wishes from one FTM to another xxxx

My advice would be, if you do go into labour spontaneously ( I did both times, waters broke on their own ) my pains started pretty much straight away and were strong from the get go, Is just try not to panic. I really struggled with not panicking and it made things 10 times worse for me.

Oh and pain relief is there if you need it. Arrange with your birth partner/husband/partner to be able to communicate for you if you are not able to do so yourself.

Good luck, your'll be fine.

I’d really try not to over think it,
or overresearch. There’s pros and cons to everything and everyone Will experience thing’s differently. My theory is that babies have been born for thousands of years, and if it was that bad, they’d be way more one child families. Pain relief exists for a reason, taking it doesn’t mean you’ve failed.

I agree with not panicking, trust your body and go with it!

I really enjoyed my second labour, it was slightly longer than the first (where like pp I went from 3cm to fully dilated in a couple of hours) and I was able to concentrate on breathing through the contractions without panicking.

Very best of luck, hope baby is with you soon!!

It took me 34 hours when induced at 42 weeks. Take earplugs and a sleeping mask. My cousin only took 4 hours. Everyone's experience is different but I was there about 5 nights in total.

If you can get it, get spritz for bits.

I forgot to add first labour was 17 hours and ended in forceps.

Second labour was 3 hours 20 mins and forceps yet again. Epidural both times.

I'd say be open to anything. I was induced twice and it was fine. For my second baby I did the breathe in for 4 and out for 8 technique and I found it useful. I had a 2 hour and a 1 hour active labours though so didn't have days of agony like some people. Also be aware placentas don't always flop out after the baby does 🤣 I twice had manual placenta removal in theatre.

I also had a retained placenta with my second DC 🫲🏻🤦🏻‍♀️

I’d say best thing is to be open minded that anything can happen and be relaxed about that - take it as it comes.

I never went into labour, was induced at nearly 42 weeks, it didn’t work and I had EMCS.

So if you need to do any more research, look up ways to recover from both types of birth, eg needing some massive full briefs to wear after c section.

Don’t overthink it, just rest but also distract yourself. If you like reading, now is the time to read a good book!

Thanks for all the replies guys, it really is a unimaginable experience before it happens!

Ooh yes, the portable fan is a good idea - will look into that. I guess it’s kinda unpredictable, as every birth is individual. I will try not to stress too much 😅😅 Naturally, I will though. It’s all I can think about right now! Guess will just need to take each moment as it comes, and know that each moment is bringing me closer to meeting my baby xxx

Some questions:

1. Are there any perineal massage techniques you would recommend?
2. In terms of the placenta removal, is better to have the oxytocin injection, how does that work?
3. Do contractions normally occurs before water breaking, or do the waters breaks first?

So many thoughts! Haha

@chillin12 I had the injection both times but it isn't foolproof and it just didn't work with me. As soon as I had my babies my contractions totally stopped whereas I believe they can be used to push the placenta out?

So as I was induced both times my contractions didn't begin until my waters had been broken but I don't think this is the case for everyone as some babies are born in their sacks.

Fir me labour and birth were physically very easy. Both times the stress came from midwives not realising / believing that I was in labour. You'd think being able to recognise labour when they see it would be an important part of the job but apparently not! Both times I only made it into the delivery room 20 mins before baby emerged.

My labour symptoms started out quite differently between the two pregnancies. With the first, I woke up around 5am feeling weird and just "not right". I felt a pressure a bit like needing a poo but when I went to the toilet, nothing was coming out. I lay in bed for an hour but was still feeling weird, and then I noticed I was bleeding quite heavily, sort of period level. I was only 33 weeks so I went straight to hospital, and on the way I began to feel a strange pressure in my back. The pressure in my bowel was still there too. I got to hospital at 7am and over the next 90 mins or so the bleeding got much worse and the pressure in my back got stronger and started radiating down my back in waves. At this point I started googling "what does labour feel like" and things like that, all while waiting for a doctor to come while the midwives waited on the other side of the curtain. I did ask them a few times to hurry but they brushed me off. Finally when they came in I was crouching on the floor and I started to feel a strong urge to push. A doctor materialised at that point and turns out I was 10 cm dilated. They wheeled me to delivery and baby was born 20 mins later. It was all very quick and the only pain I felt was in those 20 mins, really, especially as baby was actually coming out.

The second time round my first symptom was watery diarrhoea and light but very frequent (every 3-4 min) Braxton-Hicks type contractions. I'd had these throughout my first pregnancy (I kind of blame them for the premature birth) and intermittently in this one, but as I was now 38 weeks I didn't panic. These were a bit stronger though (though still not painful), and I'd been told to go to hospital when the contractions were three in ten mins, which they were, so off we went. After much waiting a midwife examined me and determined I was 4 cm dilated. The contractions eased off after 12 hours or so so we went home, but another 12 hours later they were back a little stronger. I also had still been having watery diarrhoea, had vomited a few times and had no appetite , so was pretty dehydrated. When we got there though, the Dr decided that as I'd managed to keep down a glass of water and hadn't vomited for 11 hours, I was fine. A midwife tried to send me home despite my strong misgivings but told me "you're walking and talking through your contractions, so it'll be days or weeks yet" and assured me that the very quick final phase of labour I'd had last time had been due to baby being premature. We got home, I went to change into my pyjamas and my waters broke. Immediately the contractions dialled up to 100 with urge to push. I was convinced I'd be having the baby there and then in my bedroom but DH bundled me into the car and made the trip to hospital in record time. We ran through red lights and went twice the speed limit and still only just made it in time.

So my message is... Labour symptoms are extremely variable so don't bother googling too much. What you read on line may be completely different to what you experience. Try to go with the flow physically and don't be afraid of it, but be a little bit sceptical of midwives and doctors' ability to recognise labour (I was too trusting) and be assertive if they try to brush you off.

Good luck and congrats in advance!

Yes this is a really good point from PP. I’m aware that ‘midwife attitude’ is one of the highest causes of complaint.

If you have another antenatal appointment, maybe mention this and ask what escalation routes you can ask for if you’re in labour and you feel you’re not being believed by your midwife about how far you’ve progressed or how much pain you’re in.

I bought the spray water in a can and my DH sprayed me constantly to cool me down 🤣 fan was well needed also

I had the injection (ouch btw!) but it didn't work for me either and had retained placenta for 17hrs. Unfortunately my wonderful birth experience led to a fast emergency surgery situation almost too late which I don't want to scare you about so close to your due date so please just be mindful of the blood loss in your pads and how often you are changing them
I reported each bleed to midwives and left pads out but because there were so many passing through my room and I was told 'your a FTM it's normal' I went untreated.

@chillin12 both can happen.

In my first labour my waters gushed like in films, 10 hours into contractions.

In my second labour, they trickled before I started contracting.

Weeks before my first labour I liked watching birth stories on YouTube. Every labour is a different experience. I was told before my second that I'd labour quickly having had a child already (I did - extremely quickly).

Expect the unexpected. Trust your instincts. Keep moving, it helps you dilate. Take the pain relief if you need it. I had an epidural in my first but didn't need it for second. I also had 2 emcs. In fact, the vast majority of people in my NCT group actually had an emcs! It could happen to you too and if it does then try not to panic. It is a very routine operation for the consultants. I actually bottled the vbac and said I'd go for an emcs again.

Take an eye mask and ear plugs with you in your hospital bag. The postnatal ward is the seventh circle of hell with noise. Not babies - people up all hours of the night talking on the phone, watching tv. All sorts!

Enjoy those first special moments with your new baby.

Thank you again everybody. Wow, seems like it’s been quite the journey for everyone. Ahh, it’s just so nerve-racking being so close haha.

I did not know about the placenta being retained to be this common. How soon after the baby being delivered do they cut the umbilical cord and get the placenta moving out?

Is the baby normally then examined in your presence, or taken elsewhere. I feel like if the baby is taken elsewhere for check up, I would get severe separations anxiety even for those few moments 😅

@chillin12 well mine wasn't just retained it had to be manually removed. They give you the injection and a good hour to see if it comes out usually but mine was no hope. I had skin to skin with baby on my chest during this time, she was always in the room with me until I went to theatre. I feel excited for you even though I had some dodgy moments overall I enjoyed it!

Baby was skin to skin for a few minutes while MW got scales etc ready then ds went over there while DP watched over him getting his measurements (in the same room and next to me) the other MW dealt with me taking away placenta (not before I could snap a pic tho 😳) and cleaning me up a bit before baby came back to my arms in a little knitted hat wrapped in a towel
Re retained placenta - I'm sure that's supposed to be delivered/removed within 30 mins
Mine was unusual and not expected apparently. I was already staying 24hr a post birth to keep an eye on ds as I'd been taking medication during pregnancy. Thank god we weren't discharged yet or things would have been very different. But it's so common with mums of MN. Google says it's not but IRL it is

Be open minded. Remember that it will be over, and that no one gets a medal for no pain relief or intervention. Don't be afraid to be pushy if they're not listening to you (and ideally encourage your birth partner to be pushy if they feel something's not right).

To answer some of your questions;

• I never tried perineal massage
• Just based on personal experience I would have the oxytocin injection. I had it with my first and the placenta came so quickly, pain free. I didn't have it with my second and it was fine, but very uncomfortable and took longer. After labour I just didn't have the patience for any more pain/discomfort!
• Contractions normally come first and they did in my case. Think it's only something like 20% of the time your waters will break beforehand with no warning! Very normal for early labour to take days unfortunately or stop and start with a first time baby (I had no idea and was sent home from the hospital 3 times!)
• Baby should remain with you if all is well.

Good luck, it really is all worth it when they place the baby in your arms

Hello! Thank you all again for the responses. Will definitely take on board the tips xxx
Currently, I think have pelvic girdle pain, as sometimes when I move positions, lower area just feels so achey and as though I’ve pulled a muscle. Lightning crotch may be as well. They don’t feel like contractions, and it does go away once I settle in a different position. Just my back and lower area seem to have more of a dullache like feeling, collecting the aches, as if all feels heavier. But it does go away once I use the toilet or lie down etc (also have a haemorrhoid now 😂) But I assume it’s my body gradually preparing for labour.