Gender unexcitement?

[TreaclePlum]

I can't really believe I'm writing this but I feel so ashamed, I can't speak to anyone about it.

I have a beautiful 2.5year old girl who is my world. I'm pregnant with my second child, very much planned. Very much wanted. I was so excited for another baby.

All along I felt this time it was a boy. Different symptoms etc, and even my toddler keeps saying "baby boy!".

Yesterday we had our 20w scan which I was so nervous for, had this feeling everything wouldn't be healthy

Scan done, perfect healthy little boy wiggling around like a good one.

For hours after I was just so happy that he seems healthy, got into the whole messaging friends and family it's a boy. "How perfect, one of each" etc etc.

By the evening I started to feel really uncertain about the fact its a boy. Told myself it's because I'm so used to having a girl. I kept crying because I felt so ashamed I didn't feel super excited it's a boy.

Slept on it. Woke up this morning still feeling the same. And everytime I think of this perfect little baby wiggling about in my tum I feel AWFUL I'm not sure excited for his tiny self being a boy. I'm faking it so well to everyone.

I'm horrified at myself guys. I dunno if it'd just getting my head around the idea?

Has anyone else had a similar feeling. I just want to accept it and get excited again but I just can't mentally get there yet!!!

I have so many friends and family with the most hilarious, gorgeous little boys. There's just no reason to feel this way.

Urgh i am so ASHAMED at how I feel, I can't stop crying over the sheer GUILT.

Just be grateful baby is developing well, don't get the whole of over thinking about the gender/sex of baby/babies

What is it about having a boy that you're worried about?

OP I have just name changed for this because I still feel ashamed that I ever felt this way and I don't want my little one to ever find out.

But I was the same. Except the opposite way round. I had a little boy first and he was a delight, I loved him more than I ever thought was humanly possible. Second pregnancy was different and deep down I knew it was a girl but I wanted another boy. I was terrified of being a girl mum, the hormones, the clothes, the potential make up (that I don't wear so can't bond with her over/show her how to do) I really really wanted another boy and to be a boy mum.

We waited until birth so I found out then and I still wasn't excited. What I don't think helped was everyone was all of your so lucky one of each, and it was the only girl grandchild on one side of the family so they were over the moon and cried! And I felt awful that I didn't feel the same way. And so guilty as the love I had for my first was instant.

Baby girl is now over 6 months and I love her so so much. The love grew slowly, although my need to protect her and give her everything to help her grow (feeding, support to sleep etc) was there instantly. I still felt guilty at first when I felt my immediate love wasn't so deep but then in actions I'd be doing everything to protect her so I knew it was there just wasn't all singing all dancing.

When I think about it (not often) I STILL feel guilty that I didn't want a girl, I'm not sure it will ever go away, maybe with therapy? I just feel awful that I ever thought I didn't want her even though I now want her so much. So I can't tell you the guilt will go as mine hasn't (although I really don't think about it often) but for me I love her just as much as her brother and can't imagine not having her in my life and I'm now so glad I have her.

I hope that helps a little.

Hi Op!!

Pregnancy hormones can be wild, and it’s so normal to feel a little upset when it’s not exactly what you had “planned” or thought you life would look like. Although to others, it’s literally the perfect family a boy and a girl💓

Youll get lots of divided opinions on this topic on MN, some people will think you’re being ungrateful and you should just be happy to have a healthy baby. Others will understand gender disappointment totally differently.

Whilst I never felt it that deeply, I remember finding out (our very wanted IVF baby) was a little boy. DH isn’t very close with his mum and I’m from a huge female background so always pictured myself as a girly mummy. But now (I’m 26 weeks) I couldn’t imagine life any other way. I can’t wait to meet MY little boy 🥹 I don’t think “sex” of a baby really matters - you can have a girl who’s a tomboy or a boy who loves girly things!!!

Please know it’s normal to feel upset, but once baby is here you will love him unconditionally. Boys are amazing 💙

You don't need to be ashamed or feel bad. You feel how you feel. Can you pinpoint what you are upset about? Is it because you are more confident with a girl as that's what you are used to? Do you think you won't be as close to a boy? Is it because you think a boy will be very different to your girl?

If it helps at all I have two boys. They are honestly great. They are so different from each other (as all babies are, regardless of sex), they are cuddly, funny, loving, kind. A bit wild 😂 and make me laugh every day.

Thank you all. I don't know why I feel like I do, and I don't want to feel like this.
I can't tell you the reason I feel like it either.

Thank you for the comments so far, really does help. I think I just needed to "say it out loud" to someone to really address it??

I feel so protective of this little being in my womb, it's such a strange confusing feeling to feel weird about it being a boy. I hope it's just the unknown!!

I was totally disappointed when I found out my second baby was going to be a boy. I am from a family of 3 girls and my dad worked away a lot so boys in the family were a bit alien.

But by the time he arrive I had become completely used to the idea. Once they're here their personalities start to shine and they become more than some abstract of "boy" or "girl."

And I know you aren't supposed to say it but now he's my favourite of the two.

Boys are ace and if you don't come around during the pregnancy, you 100% will once he's here so don't worry!

Ps. Little tip, keep the nappy so it’s covering his bits when you change him to prevent getting wee’d on! That's the biggest difference between having a girl baby and a boy baby (in my experience!).

I think people give themselves such a hard time, these are just your thoughts. Let them come and go.

I will be momentarily devastated, and I do mean devastated, if my baby is a boy (already got one absolute nutter). But I won't love them any less, I will just have to adjust my daydreams!

Invite your thoughts in, but don't let them stay for tea.

I could have written this myself.
Honestly though don't beat yourself up about it, it's normal to feel uncertain about something new. I remember feeling a pang of disappointment when I found out my second was a boy, no rational reason whatsoever and felt awful about it. I got over it quickly and embraced it and I wouldn't change it for the world honestly.

Also boys are so much fun! Delightful in their own way just like girls. Nappies are easier to change and just seems easier, can't explain it but I love being a boy mum

You can't help how you feel. I think it's fine not to feel particularly excited. Just get used to the idea of having a boy and know that once he's here you'll absolutely adore him, not for being a boy but for being this unique little person. Your child. My son is the light of my life. What matters is who they are, not what sex they are.

I've only got boys. I was disappointed I didn't have a girl, and still feel sad I never will, but boys are so lovely.

Congratulations, OP.

Congratulations! It’s wonderful he’s looking healthy and happy.

Op, I wonder if it’s also mixed in with anxiety about coping with two little ones whether conscious or not - and you’re putting it all down to the baby’s sex. I think the 20 week scan hits harder when you find out the sex- it suddenly becomes even more real and one leaves thinking “We’re actually having a son/daughter.”

I have 4 boys that I completely adore and I still want a girl. Both things can be true- me hoping for a girl doesn’t mean I don’t love the boys I have if that makes sense! I found it helpful to imagine them as big strapping teenage boys for some reason. It’s totally ok to have wished, even unconsciously, for another girl. You will still love your son to pieces when he gets here!

It’s sex, not gender. They can live however they wish. And this has made me so genuinely upset. I would love a healthy baby.

I felt the same when third baby was a boy (after having two girls).
I think it was just the unknown, I had two girls and that is what I was used to.
Baby boy is now 9 months old and he is the loveliest baby!
Girl, boy, whatever.. his little soul has completed our family!
As previous posters have said, hormones are crazy AND sometimes, your daydream of what your family might look like makes you wobble if in reality you get something different.

Congratulations op! Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy :)

I cried for days on finding out both times I was having a boy. Just can’t understand why, before scans I thought I wasn’t bothered.

looking back now many years later I wonder if I’d hoped to recreate my relationship with my mum with a daughter, which is obviously quite awful as a new baby has a new start etc.

love my two boys now, just go easy on yourself it’s ok to grieve the loss of a second daughter you may have had.

Unless you’re someone who buys into gender stereotypes, it doesn’t really matter. And if you are someone who does, address that soon as it’s really unhealthy to restrict kids based on what sex they are.

You have a healthy baby, life is good!

Ah bless, it sounds like hormones! You’ll be fine x

Never understand why people post things designed to make the OP feel worse when they’re asking for help in a tough time.

OP, I understand completely. I have one DS who I adore, am pregnant again and would really like a girl. I know I will be a little disappointed if it’s another boy.

It’s normal and common, the feeling will pass and you will love your boy just as much as your girl once he is here.

@Magssss nice to know I'm not the only mum with 4 boys! 🤣 💕

@MummyTo4BoysXXXX haha so outnumbered aren’t we!! And the food bill 😅😅

I do feel sad that boys are so demonised that 99% of these types of thread are about the OP having a boy. Boys are ace - honestly. I love being a boy mum and I wouldn't change it for anything. As PP have said, when he's here you won't care (and 100% agree with the tip about covering their willy when you change their nappy - learnt that one the hard way!)

I felt, and hoped, from the start I was having a boy. I did have a boy and will be completely honest, if I'd found out at 20 weeks I was having a girl I'd have been secretly gutted.