Please before you come at me I completely and utterly grateful I can become and carry a child. But I am feeling a sense of sadness & regret. I am coming up to 12 weeks pregnant already had a scan and seen baby. & in that split second my heart feels with so much love and happiness but when I’m back to reality of being a mum to my 4 beautiful wonderful children I’m like I can’t do this. It’s taken a toll on me I suffer with anxiety and overthinking anyway. But I left a toxic relationship with my 4 children’s father & i met my now amazing partner who I have known since childhood. & we are pregnant. It’s his first child & I also feel guilty for feeling this way & telling him about it. It should be a magical time for him & me but it’s just not, I suffered bad postnatal depression after my last baby. Which led to meds and therapy it was a really rough sad time in my life that I try and block out. As well as lack of support from their father & mental abuse.
im no longer in that relationship or mindset anymore but a shadow of what if having this baby throws you off & you don’t come back from it is in my head every single day! :(