Announcing to friend struggling to conceive

[Skyplatypus]

Hi all, looking for some advice please!

we are currently 10 weeks pregnant, going to wait until after 12 week scan to tell most people however I’m meeting up with 3 of my good friends a couple of days before the scan and planning on telling them then (as the catch up we have planned they will know something is up anyway!)

me and my other half had been TTC for over a year without success and one of my friends has also been having trouble with this. I’m just wondering if it’s worth me giving her a heads up and telling her in advance maybe by text so she can process this on her own rather than me announcing it to the room, or if it’s better to just tell her with others? I really don’t want to make her feel awkward and from my own experience I know how uncomfortable and the emotions that can fly through you towards other people’s pregnancy announcements?!

many thanks for any thoughts of how to handle this please? 🙏

I’d probably tell her in advance so she can process it. Does she know you’ve been trying?

Definitely tell her first.

We're struggling for baby number 2 and my SIL announced at a family gathering that they were expecting and it took all I had not to burst into tears

I would say give her a heads up. I've been through years of IVF and have found announcements really difficult. You will know your friend best, so you will know how best to bring up the subject, but I think I'd much rather know in advance than find out in a group setting. Maybe tell her sensitively and say that you want to let them know in advance as you plan to tell the other friends at the meeting and then only divulge more information if asked, as in don't send the scan image and say surprise.

I think I'd give her the heads up. Struggling to conceive when everyone else seems to be able to get pregnant easily can be a quite dark place so telling her in advance will give her time to process.
Congratulations to you!

Tell her in advance, but not in a patronising "I just wanted you to know because I know how upset you will be" way. Keep it brief and to the point

100% give her a heads up.
My and my best friend had almost identical situation and if she had announced in a group setting it would have been really difficult.

And fyi. It was very difficult nonetheless but you sound very sensitive and understanding so I've no doubt you'll handle it as sensitively as possible.

It's a tricky balance.. my best friend did this and it actually really upset me as it cane across that she had no understanding that it had any impact on me.
Personally, some acknowledgment was what I needed.

Absolutely 100% this. I had several unsuccessful IVF treatments and the patronising "this must be so hard for you" announcements were the absolute worst. It was like they were telling me how I should feel (it wasn't actually that hard for me if other people got pregnant when I was trying - everyone has their own journey and we can never know how they feel).
Thank you for being so considerate of your friend x

Wow thank you all so much for your replies!! I know she will understand, I just also know how much I felt like a mixed bag of emotions hearing about other peoples announcements when it was taking us months and months of negative tests too. Thank you all for your honesty 🥰🥰 really appreciate each comment! Xx