Feeling a bit like my friends don't bother!

[Mummy2B1983]

Hi all,

I'm pregnant with my first baby.

I used to go out drinking and socialising with my friends (most of them don't have kids), but now I feel like I don't really hear from them that much since getting pregnant.

I know I have prob changed a bit as the thought of going places where people are drinking all night really doesn't appeal to me but i feel as though they don't really text to see how I am or anything. I feel a bit of an alien and quite alone!

I have signed up to NCT as I think that will help. Has anyone else experienced the same since being pregnant? X

I experienced the same it's lonely and you lose a lot of friends. Pregnancy is the time where you see who ur true friends are and who really bothers with you. It gets worse after the baby, they'll message asking to see the baby prob see the baby once or twice and not bother with you again.

It's hard and lonely even after the baby but you get a best friend at the end of it all so it makes up for all the lost friends! I'm here if u need a chat OP as I know how shit it can be. It'll get easier and you'll learn to just be happy on your own.

Congrats on pregnancy and good luck :)

@nubby26 Sorry to hear you experienced the same. :( It does feel super lonely but I have heard that you may lose some friends but make others so we will see! Yep a few friends have definitely shown their true colours. Looking forward to gaining a best friend at the end. :) Thank you for your support and I hope things have got better for you. :) x

@nubby26 Thanks for offering to chat too. I'm not sure what OP is! Ha xx

I lost most of my friends when I became pregnant. In fact my best friend had a baby a year later yet still never see her 🤦🏼‍♀️. Invite her for playdates and all sorts and there's always an excuse. However I've gotten alot closer to another friend who has a son the same age as mine and made lots of new friends with the parents of my son's friends/ people I've met at playgroups etc. Ive gained some great friends out of it all. My son's 5 now so I'm very used to the change at this point.... You also get more freedom back the older they get but I'd still rather not go out drinking to be fair haha. Looking after a child when you're hungover is awful 🤢

@Ttcmumma Sorry to hear you had the same experience. Especially with your best friend. Mine doesn't seem to grasp why I wouldn't want to go to places where people are all drinking and I'm the sober pregnant one. I've tried to explain but it doesn't get through. Then it's like no other suggestions are mentioned! I don't feel she has been very supportive at all through my pregnancy which is sad but guess it's life! Things change. I'm hoping I will meet people after the baby that can relate a bit more! Gosh yes a baby and a hangover not a good combo! I really want my friends to celebrate this with me but don't feel like they are in the same Zone at the mo! Aww well onwards and upwards I guess! Xx

Hi ladies,

came across this post and couldn’t help but feel the same!

I have found that my 2 best friends have made hardly any effort with me, whilst other friends that I always felt were distant have been regularly checking in and making so much effort.

Ive seen my 2 best friends maybe twice over the duration of the 9 months and it’s been at mutual events rather than a get together for us.

One of them would call me at crazy time of night to get my opinion on help with her family wedding- being completely inconsiderate that I may be sleeping/ resting.

Neither of them have been pregnant so I understand they might not quite get how lonely pregnancy can be, but other friends who have reached out aren’t even in serious relationships but still make so much effort. I feel like if they cared- they would.

One has messaged last night, as she knows my due date and expresses her excitement to see baby but I’m feeling the urge to say “only visitors will be those who made effort to see me during pregnancy”. Or is that my hormones talking idk 😩

Lost all of my friends when I was pregnant with my first, made an effort on Peanut and now have my gorgeous group of friends 🥰 People think you become an alien when pregnant (especially if they haven't gone through it themselves). It is hurtful but you will soon be thankful x

@NewMamaToBee its probably both hormones and how you are feeling in general lovely, my only advice is don’t cut your nose off to spite your face as they say. Your friends will still be there for you & the baby they just haven’t been through it yet so can’t correlate your feelings to theirs.

I had a huge social scene before I got pregnant with my first, but I’ve also had a lot of friends who had babies too. I’ve always tried to make an effort with both friends with kids and without, swapping from big nights out to afternoons in the garden or at the park but sometimes schedules don’t match up and friends still have their own lives to live too. I still put myself first ultimately and carried on going out/holidays etc because I knew one day when I had kids this would all stop - and it did but I had a lot of fun before I got pregnant!

it can be really tricky navigating being pregnant when you feel like your friends aren’t supporting you - instead of going out could you invite people round for a film & pizza instead?

I found when the baby arrived everyone came to visit because a newborn is just so lovely - but then it gradually settled down and everyone has work/their own lives and I made new friends through NCT and baby groups and we’ve all formed a mutual close bond and see each other weekly with us having toddlers the same age. Your friends may be in a different point in their lives and still want to lie in bed and be hungover on a Saturday, rather than meet for a coffee and a park day - it does work itself out - I promise! Your old friends will still be there but you’ll make some lovely new friends too who have children similar age!