Should I ask my fiancé to stop going out drinking?

Graperul27 · 2023-06-02T21:22:15+00:00

Hi all 26 weeks pregnant currently almost 27, I have a 1 year old and a 2 year old and I lost my first baby to preeclampsia at 26 weeks my issue is should I ask my fiancé to stop drinking? I was fine with it today he worked for 2 weeks straight but then once he was out I have started worrying about ‘what if’ The reason I am worried is because my blood pressure has been high for the past two weeks and what if I have a seizure or have preterm labour? And his too drunk to watch the kids? If we had no kids obviously I would not be so concerned but they need caring for safely if an emergency happens to me and I am being monitored weekly due to some abnormal blood test as they suspect I might get preeclampsia he also seems to hardly look at his phone while he is drinking so would he even know an emergency is happening 🤦♀️ how would you all approach this? Is the way I feel unreasonable?

BigglyBee · 02/06/2023 22:30

In normal circumstances it might be a little unreasonable, but this is obviously a very anxious time for you, and I would have expected my husband to be more considerate (we have also suffered late baby loss and I have had severe pre-eclampsia).

I think it might be wise to make alternative plans, in case something happens and you need support quickly. Obviously, I hope that you get to full term and deliver a healthy baby, but I completely understand the need to be prepared. Can you call on a friend or relative to help you if you need to?

Thatsnotevenmyusername · 02/06/2023 22:30

How much is he drinking, how frequently and where? I ask as my answer will be very different if it’s “he has a few beers in the house on a Friday night” or if its more like “he goes out on a Friday night, goes awol, gets wasted and doesn’t come home to Saturday morning”.
So sorry to hear about your loss and your fears are very understandable. I had preeclampsia with my DD1 and she was delivered early, as we knew she had IUGR due to preeclampsia my DH didn’t go out much but just had beers in the house which I was ok with in moderation. With DD2 I had a healthy pregnancy and he went out to the pub a bit more frequently to watch the football etc but always kept in touch and home at a reasonable time.
Are you on medication for your blood pressure and do you take low dose aspirin under the direction of your obstetrician consultant?

Original poster

Graperul27 · 02/06/2023 22:55

Thatsnotevenmyusername · 02/06/2023 22:30

How much is he drinking, how frequently and where? I ask as my answer will be very different if it’s “he has a few beers in the house on a Friday night” or if its more like “he goes out on a Friday night, goes awol, gets wasted and doesn’t come home to Saturday morning”.
So sorry to hear about your loss and your fears are very understandable. I had preeclampsia with my DD1 and she was delivered early, as we knew she had IUGR due to preeclampsia my DH didn’t go out much but just had beers in the house which I was ok with in moderation. With DD2 I had a healthy pregnancy and he went out to the pub a bit more frequently to watch the football etc but always kept in touch and home at a reasonable time.
Are you on medication for your blood pressure and do you take low dose aspirin under the direction of your obstetrician consultant?

Thankyou for responding and I’m sorry you also experienced preeclampsia and IUGR before it’s so scary!
if anything like he normally does then a lot and his out until about 3am/4am, I could ask him to take it easier and to make sure he has his phone on hand, I don’t want to just stop him seeing his friend because he works so much so deserves some time off.
yeah I am they increased it recently too, i think it’s just gestational hypertension currently but I can’t understand why my hospital want to monitor me so closely as they never did with my last two pregnancies, I had low platlets which I think they are concerned about and I have been on aspirin since 12 weeks 👏

OP posts:

Original poster

Graperul27 · 02/06/2023 23:01

BigglyBee · 02/06/2023 22:30

In normal circumstances it might be a little unreasonable, but this is obviously a very anxious time for you, and I would have expected my husband to be more considerate (we have also suffered late baby loss and I have had severe pre-eclampsia).

I think it might be wise to make alternative plans, in case something happens and you need support quickly. Obviously, I hope that you get to full term and deliver a healthy baby, but I completely understand the need to be prepared. Can you call on a friend or relative to help you if you need to?

I am sorry you also experienced a loss and severe preeclampsia, it is such a horrible pregnancy complication.
that is a good idea, I could ask his mother (my mums bad at waking up in the night) if I could call her in an emergency when he goes out, would ease the anxiety to have a back up plan
and thank you, me too I did with my other babies but the hospital are monitoring me so much more due to low platlets, hopefully it’s just gestational hypertension and not preeclampsia related 🙏

OP posts:

K37529 · 02/06/2023 23:04

I would definitely ask him to stop. I think anyone would be worried in your situation and I'm sure he'll understand

toomuchlaundry · 02/06/2023 23:05

How much parenting does he do?

monsteramunch · 02/06/2023 23:17

I wouldn't be impressed at all that he's going out drinking loads when you've got two under two and are expecting another. Is he generally not particularly supportive? Does he just do the fun bits of parenting or does he actually step up too?

I'm so sorry for your previous losses, you've been through an awful lot

Thatsnotevenmyusername · 03/06/2023 09:09

Graperul27 · 02/06/2023 22:55

Thankyou for responding and I’m sorry you also experienced preeclampsia and IUGR before it’s so scary!
if anything like he normally does then a lot and his out until about 3am/4am, I could ask him to take it easier and to make sure he has his phone on hand, I don’t want to just stop him seeing his friend because he works so much so deserves some time off.
yeah I am they increased it recently too, i think it’s just gestational hypertension currently but I can’t understand why my hospital want to monitor me so closely as they never did with my last two pregnancies, I had low platlets which I think they are concerned about and I have been on aspirin since 12 weeks 👏

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In this case then I’d be setting some ground rules… a few beers in the house now and again. Out with his mates once a month or every 3 weeks or whatever you’re comfortable with but if he is home at a ridiculous hour or doesn’t have the ability to keep in touch then id be knocking that in the head. I understand the need to see friends and unwind but you already have two very little ones and a high-risk pregnancy, id be telling him to stop being a selfish arse!!!

What’s he like at parenting when not out getting pissed? Best of luck with your pregnancy I really hope you continue to have a healthy pregnancy and are able to enjoy it. My second pregnancy I was put on aspirin from 12 weeks and monitored very closely and had a perfectly healthy pregnancy and very average-sized baby, in fact dd2 is almost the same size as dd1 now despite there being 3 years of difference between them!

Good luck and tell your man to pull his socks up and start parenting 💐

SouthwestSis · 03/06/2023 09:29

He can still go out and see his friends and maybe just have 1 beer so he can still drive/parent if required?
It's only for a couple more months