Keeping in contact with midwife

[bearsbveetsbattlestar]

Exactly that really! I've had the same community midwife for every pregnancy appointment, she visited us in hospital on the ward and did an additional home visit for us. She's very open that I'm her favourite mum and we're due to be discharged tomorrow after requesting an extra 10 days (I wasn't ready to say goodbye - baby blues and saying goodbye to midwife wasn't helping!)

I understand she's very good at her job but we get on incredibly well. We chat about our lives and she feels like a friend. Is it okay for me to ask if we can keep in contact? The level of contact can be decided by her, an email here or there or a coffee and cake now and again! Just feels so final to say goodbye to her tomorrow when it feels like I've known her for years and she's been so incredibly wonderful to me.

She may of course say no, which is fine and I will give her a hug and a say goodbye but my question is whether it's appropriate for me to ask if we can keep in contact.

I’m sure it’s okay to ask but I think a lot of midwives are like you describe, it’s their job to build rapport with you and visit you etc.

I'd leave the ball in her court. I had the same lovely community midwife for both of my pregnancies so when it was my last ever appointment with her I got her some flowers and a thank you card. Maybe do the same and pop a note in the card with your mobile number and saying you'd love to keep in touch. Then it's up to her, there's no awkward conversations and if you don't hear from her that's that, and if you do then happy days.

I wish I'd thought of this - I gave her a card at our last appointment in case she was called to an emergency so missed our discharge appointment. I will have to have the awkward conversation instead and hope for the best haha!

Get her some flowers from a florist with one of those little cards in an envelope maybe?

She's behaved very unprofessionally in saying that you are her favourite mum. She should not really stay in contact. We had a patient we had on the ward, that we wanted to see again but were told it's not allowed.

As a midwife I have a lot of women I become really friendly with and chat about all sorts but we don't stay in touch. In 8 years I've only stayed in touch with two properly but I'm really glad I have done. I agree with putting the ball in her court you sound lovely. Congrats on your new little one.

In my case I bumped into them in town after I was no longer their midwife and we stayed in touch that way. I would declare it if they were to get pregnant again.

I ride my horse once a week with the midwife who brought me into the world, she and my mam stayed firm friends after she delivered me and all my siblings. She also delivered my daughter, and she and I are close too. Not unheard of to become friends when you go through something so dramatic together! I'd definitely offer and then leave the ball in her court.

Thank you 😊That's a good idea! I could get a local florist to deliver some flowers, although I have already given her some gifts - don't want to be overkill! What made you stay in touch with the two that you did? I don't know how midwives do it - build up a lovely relationship with someone then baby pops out and it's goodbye! You are so good at your jobs!

To add as well - I'm definitely done having babies and we're moving house where we'll be under a different health board so there's no chance she'd ever be looking after me again if by some miracle I decided to have a third 😂

I think you'll look back and think very differently about this relationship in the future - you're in the centre of a huge hormonal, life changing bubble, and this one woman represents a lot of positive and meaningful things to you. But you sound almost infatuated, and it doesn't sound healthy to me. The dynamic between a midwife and their patient can be very special, but you are her patient and she is paid to look after you.

I do understand. I also had the same midwife throughout my first pregnancy, and she was at my DD's birth. She's also now my midwife for number 2 - I love her and am so grateful for her amazing support. We talk about all sorts of stuff. But she's still 'just' my midwife. I have perspective on her importance and understand her role, and from what you've written about your midwife, I'm not sure you have that same perspective or understanding (you mention being worried you've given her a number of presents, for example, and talk in very gushing terms - it isn't a healthy foundation to an equal and positive relationship).

By all means give her your number, but maybe it would be better for you to just enjoy your midwife for what she was and what she meant to you, and say goodbye

It would be against her governing body to do this. As a HCP she should not be making friends with patients... it is not professional. OP give her the gift, tell her how much you have valued her support and leave it as a nice supportive memory post babies.

Yes I understand what you mean about the hormone bubble, but I'm not infatuated and of course I understand her role is as my midwife and me her patient. That's why I was asking if it's appropriate to ask to keep in contact. If she said no I would just part with her with all the lovely memories of our appointments together, if she said yes then we can stay in touch in whatever form that takes 😊

It’s lovely you had such a nice relationship with her. I’d personally send flowers with my email in the card (and a note that you’d love to keep in touch) so the ball is in her court. I can’t see her saying the truth if she’s not really keen to keep in touch. I felt like this about a lecturer after the elation of getting my exam results. I look back now and feel a bit silly. 😂 Good luck with the baby and congratulations!

If I'm being completely honest it does sound too much.

We all go through life meeting professionals, forming professional working relationships during a period of time and then it comes to a natural end when the 'job' is done. It's a part of training in all professional jobs where we have to learn about maintaining professional relationships and having barriers to ensure the lines aren't blurred.

In the kindest way possible, I doubt she has a 'favourite' mum in reality. That sounds quite odd tbh, you are her patient.

Flowers alone would have been fine but as you say you already gave a card and present(s?) I wouldn't do anything else.

If a doctor told a patient they were their favourite patient, that would be weird.

If a teacher told their students parents they were their favourite parents, that would be weird.

I think you need to stop overthinking what this was now and move on with your life as a mum.