36 weeks and DH letting me down

[blueberry23]

Here for a rant!

I'm definitely hormonal but looking for genuine ideas about how to handle my DH

Second pregnancy now where he's just been, in the best way to describe, pretty bloody useless. He seems to lack empathy - can't imagine what it's like, seems bored of it all, doesn't really help me out any more than normal.

Seems mildly irritated that he can't do fun stuff with his friends as much as usual (I have terrible PGP and we have a toddler), and seems to give me absolutely no leeway for being tired/emotional - I can virtually hear his eye rolls.

I must have forgotten how he was in the first pregnancy but this is bringing back memories of feeling unsupported.

I'm genuinely concerned that our normally happy and stable marriage may be tainted by the fact I feel so shocked and resentful at his lack of support - at a time where I need it most. I feel it's unforgivable.

Any ideas on how I can encourage him to turn it around the next few weeks welcomed - right now I just feel like completely shutting him out and dealing with things alone as I am so mad at him for not showing me love and care through my pregnancy.

This is not a LTB situation - pregnancy aside we are very happy - but he seems absolutely unable to empathise - I'm very petite so my bump is small and I'm wondering if this is the issue! Perhaps I look like I'm handling it better than I am.

Have you told him you’re pissed off, really told him?

Bugger encouragement - tell him to pull his socks up

I enrolled my husband on a birth partner course OP as I felt he was similar to this - very blasé about my body changing and labour. This helped.
If he’s the same/similar when you have a newborn, my plan is to get back to popping out alone to exercise in the evening as soon as is recommended by my health visitor, so he has a regular taste of my day while he’s at work. He can grapple with bath and bed time on these evenings. My friend made the mistake of not wanting to leave the baby with her father at home for a while and he was happy to oblige. When he did finally have the baby at home alone, he was relieved when she returned so he could go for a pee alone! “Welcome to my world”, she said!

Agree with PP - you need to sit him down and tell him in no uncertain terms how you feel and what you expect from him.

'DP, I'm Xweeks weeks pregnant. My body is literally growing a new body of flesh and bones from my own flesh and bones and that is Fucking exhausting. Think about it! It hurts just to walk let alone run around after our toddler. Soon there's going to be a newborn demanding most of my attention and I won't even be able to do that. I need to rest. I need you to take me seriously about the way I'm feeling and I need you take take more on with the toddler so I can do that, and so that we are in a good place when the baby arrives.'

I've done similar with DP (different topics) and I think I genuinely didn't realize how he was behaving until I sat him down and spelled it out.

He didn't realize*