If you’re in the third trimester with a toddler …

[Milkandmore]

How much is your partner doing? I don’t want to be asking too much but I’m so very tired! Just trying to get a bit of a handle on what’s reasonable.

I'm 30 weeks with a 4 year old and 2 year old and I am exhausted 🥴 I'm sahm and my partner works till 6 5 days a week so I obviously do everything while he's at work but when he gets home he usually takes them to the park for an hour to give me a break and to tire them out, and helps with suppers, then he gets the 4 year old to sleep and I get the 2 year old to bed. On his days of I still do most of the housework (Im up early so I do most when everyone's sleeping) and childcare is split about 50/50. i wouldn't worry too much about what's reasonable, pregnancy is really tough especially the last trimester, I would explain to him that your finding things hard at the minute and you need extra help I'm sure he will understand

I'm just 15 weeks but my husband has been doing a lot....including the vast majority of dirty nappies whilst I've been nauseous and doing bedtime most nights for a few weeks in first trimester when I was super tired and going to bed before my toddler every night! There's other little helpful things he does too without me asking.

I don't really worry about asking for too much but I do make sure that he knows I see how much he is doing and how much I appreciate him.

Mine did most of the bath and bedtime routine, it was also a good way to get the older one used to him doing it while I was stuck cluster feeding.

During the day when he was at work I had to do everything.

I’m 29 weeks with a 3 year old. Husband has been doing more of the night wakings recently but it’s generally still a 55-45 split at night. He’s taken him out a few afternoons to let me rest, did this quite a bit at the beginning when I was very fatigued. He’s generally a hands on dad but I do the bulk of childcare. He does what he can when he is able. I’m knackered. I don’t think he gets how knackered 😂

I take care of the baby inside of me and he does the bulk of taking care of the toddler. We both work full time. We each feed ourselves and are responsible for feeding the toddler meals during our respective times of care. I do more housework. Whatever you are asking for, I doubt it is too much.

Why would him doing more not be reasonable though? It’s completely normal to support your partner and that means picking up the slack when they’re glimmer through something, illness, work stress etc
I’m not in the 3rd trimester, still just coming to the end of the 1st but when DH isn’t at work he’s doing about 60-70% of the childcare at the minute. He gets up with toddler on the weekend mornings and I stay in bed about an hour longer to give my anti sickness medication some time to kick in.
I’m then shattered early in the evening so he always does the kitchen tidy up on top of other house chores.

we still split bedtime pretty 50/50 unless I’m feeling horrendously tired on my nights.
night wakings (rarity now thankfully) and early mornings he probably does around 80-90%. Cooking I still do the majority but he does more household tidying and cleaning. I haven’t touched the bathroom cleaning or floors since I found out I was pregnant.
in my opinion it’s not unreasonable to expect them to do more while you’re pregnant, as inevitably, you’ll end up doing more for the first 9months of the babies life even with the most hands on partner helping

I'm 32 weeks with a 2.5 year old and my husband is doing a lot now. I've struggled with letting go and accepting that it's time to slow down and that my body isn't capable of what it was before, so he's taken on all the lifting/stretching physical work without any fuss as he knows how frustrated I am that I can't do it.

We still split bedtimes fairly evenly, whoever isn't doing bed does tidy up and dinner, and as I'm struggling to sleep I'm usually awake for any toddler night wakings, but he'll happily jump out for them if I do manage to nod off.

I hate this weak-feeling stage, I can't wait to kick the PGP and get my centre of gravity back!!!

I’m 37w with 22mo. For context I’ve been signed off with antenatal depression since February and DH works from home. Today I sorted DS with breakfast and packed his bag for nursery. DH got him dressed whilst I dressed myself. I took DS to nursery. This morning I managed to put the moses basket together / up and vacuum the bedroom. I also did a bit of sorting (eg laundry). Then I had a break, and did some colostrum harvesting. Had some lunch and fell asleep for about 2 hours. Collected DS and DH and I shared the entertaining/parenting this evening before bed. He was “around” for bedtime routine (no bath tonight: wash, bath, nappy, pjs) but DS wanted me to read the story tonight. DH then did us dinner and recycling. This is a very good day for me. Some days I’m in bed by 4pm even now. And I haven’t touched the vacuum in weeks, DH has been doing it. Having a shower is a task in itself (didn’t have one today). Earlier in my pregnancy, end of first/beginning of second trimester DH was doing 80% of everything.

I wanted to add that I’m doing light tasks, eg I’m not bending to load/unload the dishwasher as I get out of breath and then can’t do something else. I’ll get on the floor to do stuff with DS because I want to / that’s my priority but I get tired quickly. DH is doing a lot for our toddler if he’s around (eg getting a drink/snack/toy) so I don’t have to. I’m also avoiding picking DS up, so if DH is around I don’t do it. DS isn’t in nursery full time so some days are more exhausting and in the last week I’ve started avoiding the play park because I can’t lift DS onto the “big” slide.

I have a 3 year old and an 8 week old and DH did everything in the last month as I couldn't walk! Definitely ask for more help. It's exhausting.

He should be doing EVERYTHING. Why would you deserve anything less? Surely this is why we have husbands?

I used to nap when my toddler napped, or if he refused to nap I would shut the bedroom door and sleep in his bed for him 😆

32w with a 14mo - no big changes.

DH does bath and bed when he gets home while I cook dinner. We don't see him in the mornings.

I'm a sahm so do the weekday childcare and cleaning/laundry and most of the cooking, but not all.

The only things I need help with now is changing the sheets on our bed, super king duvet is my nemesis.

DH has always spent lots of time with LO at the weekends but he's definitely stepped it up a bit recently in terms of actually taking him out the house so I can have a nap.

Surely what's reasonable depends on how you feel though - if you're absolutely dead on your feet then of course he needs to pick up some slack!

I feel like last time I was pregnant I had some sort of exemption card when I was at the ‘big’ stage and he did loads for me. This time it’s as if he almost forgets I’m even pregnant, I’m not doing anything less than I was before and even if he’s standing there (like tonight), I will be the one having to wrestle our toddler into his pyjamas until I actually say out loud ‘is there any chance you could do this? Im really not meant to be doing this’. He does it when I say but just doesn’t put any thought into it as it’s happening like I’m not even pregnant.

I feel for you. I have an older daughter at 19, a 14 month old son and I'm currently 37 weeks with the section booked for the 1st of June, it's bloody hard going 😅.

Hubby does bath time at night, I dry him, dress him and he puts him to bed so I'm not lifting him quite as much since I'm high risk after having the c section to have him 14 months ago. My daughter, bless her, hasn't let me lift anything since we found out I was expecting again. They both help out but I still do the cooking (or we'd live on frozen pizza and instant noodles lol, they are both rubbish cooks) and the washing but they've been great at not letting me do much more of the house stuff.

I'm 36 weeks with a two year old.

My DH is doing any night wakes, and mostly cosleeping with our toddler as im so restless.

He's trying in his own way to be helpful and he is with the toddler, eg taking him out on a weekend for a few hours, lots of entertainment, but with chores etc it's all still down to me (more so now actually as I'm on Mat leave but I still have a toddler at home 3 days a week!)

He will do more of the lifting etc eg bringing shopping in etc but does often have to be prompted.

I'd say that second time around he's been much less caring, sounds awful to be honest, he's not that bad, just doesn't think.

@Arxx I could have written this.

I actually feel a bit sad that I don't feel very looked after. I'm in a bubble bath we we speak after having to literally tell him I AM IN PAIN and he's in charge this evening.

So different to the first time around.

@snickersicecreampls urgh, I told DH I was in pain and he told me to take a painkiller.

Im 36 weeks and we both work full time but generally split childcare (2.5 yo) and chores pretty evenly which hasn't changed much but I now don't carry toddler (almost always) so if he needs carried my husband does it.

So if he's being difficult at nap/ bedtimes etc then my husband is always involved

There has been a few times that I've asked for an extra lie in/ nap/ for him to do an extra bed time because im either in pain or tired and he does it. Slightly begrudgingly but without any argument.

I've also managed to get more massages from him this pregnancy than I did last time!

Just ask for what you need, pregnancies are different and what you need will be different to other people. Hopefully you have a good partner who will be understanding

It’s very reassuring reading your messages, and also it has helped me clarify what was niggling at me. Like a lot of you I am feeling quite uncared for. I’m not a princess type, I don’t want or need to be waited on hand and foot. But I am really sore now. Aching and tired and weary to y bones, but somehow still doing the early mornings, the night wake ups (not many in fairness) the baths and the stories (which are agony as I have to sit on the floor!) it’s rubbish!