Worrying about my age & having a baby

[Mummy2B1983]

I have turned 40 in January and found out in early Jan I was pregnant! I was really happy. I had always wanted kids but didn't feel ready.

When I got pregnant a guy at work said to me, oh dear how will you cope at your age you will find it difficult being 40 and when your 50 the child will be 10. At the time I found it a bit insulting that he could only say negative things, but let it go.

Then my friends daughter the other day kept saying Omg do you know when your daughters 10 you will be 50 & when she is 20 you will be 60! I said yes I'm fully aware of that, but when I got home I felt quite down that my age had been brought up again and then started to question if I was too old to be having a baby. I wondered is this what everyone thinks! I know this shouldn't matter but it's comments like this that can really effect how your feeling when pregnant and feeling hormonal/emotional!

Why do people have to made these sorts of comments? Everyone has opinions but why can't they just keep them to themselves!

It sounds like you've just been unlucky to come across two people who have been rude enough to share their opinions with you without thinking about how it would make you feel. Ignore them, there are loads of mums over 40, you will not be alone at school pickup! Good luck with your pregnancy 😊

Oh people can go do one!! Firstly, 60 is not old to have a 20 year old. In some social circles possibly but certainly not country wide. When I was at uni most of my friends parents were in their 60s, some even older.

there are pros and cons to having a child at any age. I had mine in my late 30s - which was the first opportunity for me - and I’ve loved it. I know and manage myself soooo much better now than in my 20s and early 30s. I’ve done a lot of things for myself and feel I’ve much more space to put my children first than I (personally!) would have had earlier. Because in geberal I eat better and take better care of myself now I’m actually less tired than when I was younger.

congratulations on your pregnancy! And you are far from alone and far from the oldest parent to be as well 🙂

Get used to it.

When you become a parent you realise how judgey and wonderful everyone else is!

It won't just be you're too old/ young etc, it will be comments about all aspects of your parenting. And it's always those who are not exactly prime parenting examples themselves, or not even parents at all!

Get practising it's water off a ducks back now and you'll be peachy.

Enjoy your baby.

I had my children at 36,38 and 39. Totally normal for their peers to have parents similar ages. I know people a lot older. I did try and have another child but had miscarriages, they would have been when I was 41.

@UtterlyAtOdds Thank you for your response! Yes I think I have 100%. It's good to get other peoples take on it as it upset me a bit and I wanted to know if i was overreacting or if it is just rude people passing opinion! I will ignore any negativity going forward about my age! :) x

Sorry you’ve had that rudeness. My
mum had my youngest brother when she was 40, I think it’s quite normal. Ignore them and enjoy your pregnancy.

Hi @Mummy2B1983 I've just had no 2 at 40 and also had the crazy, arsehole judgy comments, as @Vintagecreamandcottagepie says, welcome to the judgy life of parenthood where EVERYTHING you do is remarked on!
Congratulations and the people who are being twats, just ignore!

@Theysoughtitwiththimbles Thank you for your response and your right def pros & cons and I'm sure I will meet all sorts of mums with different ages when I start classes etc. They can defintely do one! :) xx

I know quite a lot of people who had babies at 45! I had my third at 36 (and still felt relatively young)

My grandmother was born when her mum was 45 (she was baby number 13). Her mum lived to almost 90. Loads of the mums in my postnatal group were in their early 40’s. Just have a reply ready that will shut down the ignoramuses; ‘I appreciate your opinion but I’m very happy’ or suchlike.

Congratulations! Enjoy your baby.

@Vintagecreamandcottagepie Thanks for your response! This is true, I suppose this is good practice for me going forward to bat of those comments & take it in my stride! Thick skin incoming! :)

@Birdsongsinging that's good to know the peers being similar ages & I'm very sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I need to grow a bit of a thicker skin I think around these comments & just not let it bother me! X

@Lcb123 thanks and go to know re your brother! I won't let silly comments bother me anymore! Xx

@MichelleScarn Thanks Michelle! They are judgey arseholes and not worth me worrying about! Like I said suppose it gets me in training for the twats (love that) re parenting! Xx

@underneaththeash yes exactly, it's much more common these days & I still feel young in myself just some people I think like to put you don't when you announce happy news I feel! X

Op I had dc in my teen's, 20's, 30's and 1 at 43! In every scenario someone had something to say about it!
Smile and say How Rude... They are the ones with the problem..

@MidsummerNightsDream wow! That's amazing! Women are wonderful! :) I love that response! I will use that one. :) X

@Mummy2B1983 just practice your 'smile and nod'... youre going to get so much crap advice and info, roll with it and only listen to those you trust to have your best interests at heart!.

People seem to go out of their way to be rude to pregnant people. I had two people ask in a concerned way if it was planned - I was 31 and married/financially secure!

I think you've been very unfortunate to have two people be so rude to you.. I had my second at 39 and I never came across any such comments and I don't think most people think like this either.
I can totally understand it bringing you down a bit but try not to give it too much further thought and enjoy your pregnancy and looking forward to the arrival of your little one.

@Thesunwillcomeoutverysoon congrats on your babies! Judgey people! Sod them! Xx

There's a massive range of ages in my youngest DCs (infant school) year. One parent has just had her last younger than I had had my first and another parent is 20 years older than her!

We all rub along well and DC appear well adjusted.

It's nice actually, to have friends with a different outlook on life due to age and experience yet have things in common as well.

@MichelleScarn this is true! Sounds like a good way to deal with it. X

@WunWun oh absolutely and sorry to hear you got it too! Everyone's an expert suddenly aren't they, especially when unhelpful comments involved! Xx

@AuraBora yep I think it's just 2 bad apples out of the pack! Defo ignore next time! X