Almost 38 - is it too risky to have one more?

[Senso21]

So I’ll be 38 next year - have to amazing DC’s which I had it my 20’s. Feel like my clock is ticking and if I am to have another then I need to seriously start getting wheels in motion

but I worry about the risks that come with being so much older than I was for my previous pregnancies

i have a chronic health condition which I’m on lifelong medication for, which put me as a high risk pregnancy the previous times, although it never caused any issues and both DCs and me were healthy throughout. I’ve never really lost my baby weight after my 2nd DC and I’m now a good stone heavier than I was the last time I conceived. I’m also much more unfit, exhausted, stressed with juggling life/parenting etc now compared to back in my 20’s

does all of this spell out a recipie for disaster if I were to think about trying for a third? My main concerns are that I’m not fit and healthy enough to carry a child at 38, and Down’s syndrome, still birth etc become very real issues with an older age pregnancy

or am I just over thinking and catastrophising ?

argh my head spins! Any advice or input would be greatly appreciated xx

You're right to consider that another pregnancy would no doubt be riskier than your others, and you'll know your chances of conceiving and completing an pregnancy are lower, so I think trying is fine but don't pin all your hopes on another child

Most people I know had kids mid 30s onwards. I was 36. It's not that unusual or 'old' for kids, although you will be tireder this time.

What would a third child bring that the other two don't? How would you cope with a disabled DC and now would that affect your current DC/money/husband/life etc? As complications are more likely as you get older.

I was an older mum and now in my 50s with teenagers, my biggest regret will always be not having my children earlier but in my late 30's I was healthy and a normal weight. This is no longer the case. I can not begin to tell you how hard the tiredness and fatigue have been and the difference between 45-50 is significant. In your position, I would not want to be starting again and raising another generation particular if your health is not good at the start of this journey.

I had my second at 38, she's 17 now and we're perfectly happy with the situation.

Nothing you’ve said makes me think you’re more likely to have a disabled child. You can pay a few hundred quid for a very early stage Down’s genetic test.
I had all mine late and I’m late 40s now with no issues. But I do try to exercise and I have a normal BMI.
Maybe try and lose the weight first as that’s something you can control?

Lots of women have babies now in their late 30s/early 40s. Obviously there are considerations to it and it's good you are thinking about being more tired, harder to conceive, risks etc, but lots of women do it just fine. I had my first at 35 and will have my second shortly at 37; whilst it's tiring I feel like it would be at any age. I don't think you should be overly worried about it if your heart is set on it, but equally I would think about whether a new child will add anything to your life given you already have two DC and there will be a large age gap.

I was reading yesterday there was a study in Sweden of over 1 million mothers and children born to older mums tend to be physically healthier, do better at school and be taller! (Not that height is necessarily an advantage but still). Also it's increasingly believed that it's older men's sperm that is the issue with the increased risk of disabilities etc, not the mother's age. There are plenty of benefits to having a baby later and as many people have said, 38 really isn't that old- even my great grandmother continued having babies into her 40s and this was decades ago!

I was 37 when I had my first!

Personally i wouldnt
Know 3 peoole last year age 38+ who have had kids with autism downs & other SEN
All kids are now under 18/24m but life changing for parents esp mothers who generslly have to lose career to care FT for difficult needs

Personally i wouldnt. Too risky.

I had DC2 at 38, a TFMR at 41 and DC3 at 42. DC2 pg was fine, no issues with tiredness or any pg related conditions. Had NIPT to put mind at rest, which was fine for DC2 and DC3, but had the TFMR for a pg in between for trisomy issues (not Downs, one of the other ones). The risk is higher for older mums, but the tests are pretty accurate and carried out early so you can deal with it at an early stage. DC3 I had GD, which was annoying to have to diet strictly but I was back to pre pg weight by 6 months.
DCs are both fine now, and tiredness is no worse than when I was younger really. No real impact on my body from pg or childbirth, except the c section scars!

I dont know accurate Downs tests are tbh as my friend baby had Downs and she had all the tests, was a total surprise. Age 39 when born. Old two daughters have no conditions at all

Thank all for your views, lots of pro’s and cons to consider

its not a case of what a third will give me that my other 2 haven’t, they give me everything and more, it’s a case of that I was never only going to have 2, but some big life issues, mixed with dc2 having some health issues that required extra caring for etc, meant that having another after the 3/4 year gap I’d have preferred just didn’t happen x

I’m currently pregnant and will have my child around my 38th birthday. It’s really not uncommon. Obviously you should take all you said into consideration but it’s really up to you. Hopefully you still have a realistic memory of what the early years are like.

NIPT is only 70% accurate for downs https://www.nuffieldbioethics.org/blog/nipt-private

I was 40, and my dd is perfectly fine.

It doesn't sound like it would be an easy ride given the health issues you described. I'm in a similar position to you regarding ages (2 children when I was in my 20s, now I'm 38, but no health issues). I am often broody. Always thought we would have 3. But I couldn't bear the huge sibling age gap now, as we've moved on from baby and toddler activities. My two are such happy siblings. It would disrupt the whole dynamic so much and no guarantee for the better! I'm also glad that they will have reached their 20s when I'm 50 with plenty of my active adult life ahead of me. It's a tough decision but you have to stop sometime.

I think you just need to focus on whether or not you want a 3rd baby and go for it if you decide you want one.

Lots of replies talking about having your first at that age, that is a totally different scenario 🙄

yes we all know she can technically have a baby at 38+, but she needs to consider the younger children and she knows from previous pregnancies that pregnancy doesn't suit her - that's different from everyone saying "yes I had my first at 40"

I had my children in my early thirties and I can say that by the end of my thirties I was feeling much more tired and to be honest it only gets worse. Now early 40s and I’m tireder than ever! I wouldn’t want a small child now and I’m glad my kids are growing up. I enjoy them so much more now they can do a bit more for themselves.

just be aware you probably get more easily tired with every passing year

I would focus on getting fitter and losing weight first, then see how you feel. If you enter a new pregnancy already feeling tired, it will get worse and your existing children, who need your energy and input won’t get the best out of you.

As PPs have said 38 isn't that old nowadays but I think in your situation I wouldn't have any more children. The age gap between them would be large and it would be starting from scratch with a newborn when you're already tired and not in perfect health. I also have 2 - born when I was 34 and 37. I'm 38 in September and have decided that I'm very happy with my 2 and wouldn't want to roll the dice a third time when I don't 'need to.' Thay being said if I was single and childless at this age I would 100% try for a baby and just have the additional tests.

I think 38 is a fairly normal age to be having kids. There are obviously increased risks, but it's still within a normal age range. Plenty of people have their first at 35+

But given your stated chronic health condition and existing exhaustion juggling life and kids, I would seriously consider bringing a newborn, toddler, etc. to the mix.

I always wanted a third, but realised after two DC that it would place serious limitations on time and finances available to the existing two children. It would have meant another round of nursery fees, a new car, and the stretch on our finances would have meant less extra on hobbies, extra curricular 'fun' stuff for our two kids.

I was exhausted enough juggling work and kids, and I had to rethink what I really wanted from life.

Not suggesting that any of this would be the case for you, and it may be a case of short term pain for long term gain, but if you are already exhausted and unfit then would it be the best thing for you? Is your health condition likely to get worse?

Entirely your choice, but I wouldn’t consider it, I have a disability, dx at 40, I was told straight away that due to my disease modifying therapy, it was important that I didn’t get pregnant again. Tbh I couldn’t think of anything worse than sleepless night, nappies, weening, and then all those endless school runs.