Pregnant from a casual partner

[anonuser121]

Found out I was 5 weeks pregnant from a casual 6 week relationship. This came as a complete shock to me as I’ve believed I was unable to conceive and the fact that there’s a massive age difference between myself and my casual partner.

Saying I felt mixed emotions on what I wanted to do is an understatement. He and I weren’t in love or even had any romantic feelings for each other, so why would I consider having a child by him?

However, after years of negative pregnancy tests in previous relationships and believing there was something wrong with my body and that I would never be able to conceive, seeing those 2 pink lines brought feelings in me that I’ve never experienced before.

I was terrified to let the father know as I expected him to demand I have a termination. Well he now knows and although he hasn’t been demanding that I terminate this pregnancy, he’s made it pretty clear that he will not be involved if I decide to continue with it.

The decision to knowingly go through pregnancy alone and becoming a single mother is not what I envisioned for myself. Not being able to give a child everything a child should have (a mum and dad) is also not what I envisioned for myself or future children. I do have a big family who will support me and this child will be so loved they probably won’t notice the missing love from its father in their early years but could cause an affect on them when they’re older. This is my biggest fear as I know the feeling too well.

But how am I supposed to just easily get rid of this magical innocent person growing inside of me? Understandable that this didn’t happen in the most ideal circumstances but I feel so connected to it already and I don’t want to let go.

If anyone has any advice or similar stories I hope you’d be willing to share as I’m sure I’m not alone.

No exact experience but it sounds that regardless of the father involvement you want this baby. Given your history I wouldn't rush into a termination.

You can do this. It's not as you imagined or planned but I had a baby with my ex and never imagined I would become a single parent one day. It wasn't what I imagined but I managed it and you can too.

You know he doesn't want to be involved now which means you can raise this child how you wish and sometimes that works out better.

I would reach out to family at this point and go from there, write a pros and cons list and see where you are then.

It really is possible to do this alone.
Also you may choose not to do this on your own and that's completely fine too but it has to be what you want ultimately as you're the one committing to this.

I found an amazing man who treats my dc1 like their own, this is possible for you too one day when you're ready.

I think if you've had issues with being unable to conceive in the past, then you need to consider the possibility that this could be your only pregnancy. It might not be, you might go on to have 10 more kids, but it might be. I think from the way you talk about the pregnancy ("magical, innocent person") and the way you talk about how loved the child would be by your whole family is pretty telling about what you truly want here. Plenty of kids grow up in non-nuclear families and have wondering childhoods and happy lives, so although this isn't how you would have planned it, it could also be lovely.

Lots of women have children and raise them single handed. It's not ideal as two people can make things easier, but you would be worse off with a useless partner.
I think if you have struggled to conceive in the past then you might regret terminating this pregnancy. I think sometimes the issue is that although there seems to be nothing wrong, medically, with either party things just don't gel to allow conception. I can only say if it was me, I would ask for help from family and see the pregnancy as being a gift. Clearly whatever decision you make is yours after considering everything. I wouldn't want you to regret this later in life though.

The father will still have financial obligations to the child if you continue this pregnancy even if he doesn't want to be involved in their life.
Take your time before coming to a decision but do the thing that feels most right for you and your potential child.

Coming from a family where my dad wasn't really interested in being a dad, kids don't need both parents present. My mum was more than enough for me. Yes it sucks my dad wasn't bothered and as you grow you do ask questions ( questions he will have to answer eventualy) but as an adult I totally respect my mum for providing enough love that I never felt I missed out.

It sounds like you would love to be a mum and I think you'd eventually regret if you didn't have this baby. You can absolutely do this and you are enough 🩷

How wonderful! Enjoy every experience of motherhood.

I think that with more donor conception and many different family compositions it will be less of an issue than a generation or two ago. Congratulations.

You will absolutely manage as a single mum, as so many do! The only thing I would think about really is how things may play out in regards to the father. He says he doesn’t want to be involved and that’s his choice, but he may change his mind and want access and a relationship with the baby. I’m not saying this should be a deciding factor for you but maybe think about if that’s something you want to take on. Trying to parent with a practical stranger could be very difficult, especially if you have different ideas on how to do so. How well do you know him?

I hope it all turns out well for you OP, congratulations on your pregnancy!