Upset by Parents Reaction

[heydoubleyou]

Hi All,

I think I just needed somewhere to put this, as I'm driving myself mad!

I'm 12 weeks pregnant, and told my parents yesterday, I don't live near them, and I'm visiting alone without DP.

I was excited to tell my Mum, and wasn't expecting champagne and flowers, but after saying congratulations she went straight into 'Oh I'll be a terrible Gran because we don't live nearby, don't you eat lots and get really big, don't buy too much stuff you don't need, where will the baby go in your flat, what will you do for maternity leave' etc. It's totally valid to have concerns, but to go right into that without much else in the way of genuine excitement felt really upsetting.

She has a real way of making anything and everything into a negative, or into some terrible reflection on herself, but I stupidly thought this news might be immune from that! I just feel really tired of this way of thinking, and worried that every stage with a baby will come with some misery attached, rather than any kind of excitement from her end.

Dad carried on reading his magazine, vaguely interested, not even a hug.

I'm very willing to be told I'm being hormonal and oversensitive, but if anyone else has similar experiences, I'd be grateful!

Congratulations!
They are who they are and presumably always have been. My vain mum refused to be called granny or grandmother because she didn’t want people to know she was old enough 🤣
Ignore and look forward to being a parent.

When I told my parents I was pregnant my mum dramatically announced she wasn't ready to be a grandma and my dad offered to arrange a termination. It's the one time I've actually told them both to F off. I was 33 and in a long term relationship!

I'd distance myself from them if I were you - this is an amazing and exciting time for you, don't let them spoil it.

Congratulations too!

Sorry you didn't receive the reaction you would have liked. Don't let your parents put a downer on this for you. It is exciting, and most people will be happy for you.

For what it's worth, the first words out of my FILs mouth with DC1 were are you getting married? And then with DC3 my DM said, you can't manage the two you've got, and my MIL said Oh my god, you are too old to DH.

I would say that those questions are exactly discussing the important issues. I think your Mum cares and worries about you. Was the baby planned? Would it have been a shock to them? Did they expect a wedding first?

Congratulations! I think as exciting as a new baby is, it always takes people a while to get their head round it. She sounds like she asked some reasonable questions as a concerned mother. Was it expected?

Congratulations!

As for your mum...try not to worry. As you've said, it's not really about you and your baby. your mum is a negative nancy - so maybe it's a good thing her and your dad live far away. You can tell them that if they get on your nerves too much :)

Thanks everyone, perspective is really helpful. And I'm so sorry for some of the reactions you've got!

I think it's a mixture of, they are who they are and why would they suddenly be much more emotionally intelligent than usual, and the surprise of it. I'm 33, been with DP for 5 years, own our home, not bothered about a wedding, so it's not completely out of the blue!

And I do understand it comes from a place of love and concern, I just maybe would have liked 10 seconds of joy before the questions and criticism started!

My mum said, "is it too late for an abortion?" when i told her, both times!

She loves her grandsons though and has been a good granny over the last 20 years so she's forgiven.

I think it comes form a place of love tbh, after all they know how hard it can be raising children and you are their child, so they are filled with worry for you and it comes out as being a negative thing.

Congratulations btw! x