Anxiety

[pregnancyanxiety]

I’ve name changed for this as feel…I’m not sure what…embarrassed, sad, probably a mixture of things about this. I am 12 weeks pregnant and my over whelming emotions are anxious, scared and nervousness.

I’ve always assumed I would have children, then had a point of thinking I didn’t want them, then over the last few years that I did. We started trying with no success, and how upset and broken I felt each month helped me realise I really did want them. We then had IVF, so it’s been a fairly long road to get here. I was happy - but also shocked - when we got our BFP. I was happy when it was confirmed at our 6 week scan that there was a pregnancy and heartbeat visible. But now all I seem to feel is anxiousness.

We had our 12 week scan yesterday and whilst I feel like I am ‘happy’ it was all ok, it feels like a superficial happiness. Underneath I am mainly just anxious - some of that about the baby being ok I think, but also about pregnancy, how I’ll cope with that, with birth, and afterwards, worried about how life changing it is. All stuff that I clearly knew prior to pregnancy, but I can’t seem to shake that worry and anxiety now. Seeing pregnant women yesterday who were there for scans at 20wks+ just made me so scared and worried about when that’s me.

It feels even more marked as people at work who know where asking me if I was excited for the scan yesterday, and when I said I was feeling a bit nervous people kept telling me how excited they were for their scans, and how they are more excited for me than I am. My husband is so happy and enthusiastic about everything, worrying about me and baby and being really supportive, but also more happy and excited than I am, and now my lack of enthusiasm is worrying him.

I don’t know why I am feeling like this, I want to be happy, but just feel so worried and anxious, but for no specific reason. Have other people felt like this and gone on to feel better as things have progressed? How about post birth? It’s making me really worried about that as well.

I’m 30 weeks now I definitely felt like this, I thought the scans would be like this magical lovely experience but in reality I was so nervous for them and it kind of all felt like a bit of an outer body experience.

I’m less anxious now about the baby being okay for sure because I feel her move so that’s reassuring! But I definitely still feel anxious about the concept of having a baby and how I will manage everything. People keep saying oh you must be so excited… not long now… and to be honest my overwhelming feeling is mostly terrified and I think that’s probably quite normal! I’m also quite anxious about what to buy and having the right things but then not spending too much money. I’m an anxious person though so I think I’ll always find something to worry about!

I’ve always dreamed of being a mum and I thought I’d be more enthusiastic/excited than I am… but I think it’s just one of those things that it’s all quite overwhelming and won’t really feel real until she arrives.

Totally normal. I'm 11 weeks with our second and felt like this from about 6 weeks. I've had a feeling of utter dread and felt so guilty about it as we tried for 14 months for this baby and was very much wanted. I think the reality now just sets in plus pregnancy hormones are an absolute bitch. I'm hoping the anxiety gets a bit better over the next couple of weeks, at the same time as getting used to it all. If not I'm going to ask my midwife to refer me to the perinatal mental health team.

Some anxiety is normal but the level you are experiencing you should really mention to your midwife and be completely honest about the level you are experiencing. You may need support from the mental health team during pregnancy and after birth.

I also went from one day I’ll prob have babies to oh well I guess it wasn’t on the cards to being in a great relationship in my 40s and getting pregnant for the first time. - currently 12 weeks. I’m a mix of excited and happy but with a constant underlying anxiety of is the baby ok am I ok, childbirth is terrifying and what the hell do we do afterwards - our lives are going to change forever and we’re responsible for keeping a small person alive & I know nothing about babies - I’ve always actively avoided them & never had little siblings or cousins etc to look after.
Firstly I shared my worries with my husband who’s probably also a bit anxious but he’s great at reassuring me. He can’t do the birth part, but he’ll be there for me & there’s two of us to muddle through the looking after bit! I guess if you have a decent support network - partner/ best friend/ family/ midwife’s/ nct group etc you at least can remind yourself you are not totally doing this alone. There are people that will care about you and help you. If these feelings become very overwhelming I’d let your midwife know as well and ask for referral for therapy - I think you can usually get a few sessions free with nhs.

I think its really normal, especially for a first baby. I felt like this loads for my first pregnancy but not really much now in my second. For the first half of my first (planned) pregnancy I felt like I was grieving my old life, quite anxious about how it would all change, worried about if we were actually suited to having a baby etc.
I think its a good thing in a way-- your life really does change hugely when you have a baby and I think I was adjusting to this. I think its perhaps better than having unrealistic expectations and then getting a massive shock when baby is born.

And yes, it did get better towards the end second half of pregnancy when I had gotten used to the idea😅 and a lot of my worries about having a baby were true, but I have absolutely never regretted it. I think its really easy to imagine the bad bits (lack of sleep, free time etc) but much harder to imagine the good bits beforehand. My son is my best lil buddy and I now find it a bit scary that I might not have had him.

I wish you a healthy pregnancy and I hope your anxiety reduces-- perhaps a good idea to chat to your doctor especially if it is impacting on your sleep/health/quality of life. But I do think some level of anxiety is normal and maybe just our way of adjusting. Its not helped by people telling you how it is such a "magical time" etc....easy to say when you are not the pregnant one😂

I didn’t have this in my first pregnancy - apart from a little anxiety early on before each scan wondering if everything would be ok - it took us a long time to get pregnant and then we needed fertility treatment. DS is just over two now and we are expecting our second (and last) baby and had treatment for this too - interesting Ou despite wanting her and actively seeking out this pregnancy I am more anxious about this one including the birth etc than I was with the first (I did t have a traumatic birth experience or anything like that either). Definitely seek support for your anxiety though. I felt anxious after having my DS in the first few weeks and it is so unusual for me (I’m not normally an anxious person) it really unbalanced me. That said the moment I put things into to action to get support things eased and that was the last I had until being pregnant again (over two years later) I’m 28 weeks pregnant and I’ve since had two short bouts of anxiety which again I’m finding unsettling but I will make sure I contact the midwife and look for some perinatal mental health support even if they tell me everything is perfectly normal and I don’t need to worry- it helps knowing that help is there should it be needed. I hope you find some calm soon xx