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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Advice with having a crappy baby daddy?

32 replies

Expectingfirstbaby23 · 08/05/2023 16:21

14 weeks and he’s been giving me nothing but stress (I broke up with him around 7 weeks pregnant) I decided I’d have him round for scans and stuff as it’s his child too. But ever since the 12 week scan he’s become more controlling and starting arguments with me so I’ve decided to keep him away until I’m in hospital giving birth to keep my sanity and stress levels as low as I can. He would flip out on me for reacting to boys memes on facebook (stupid I know) he does the same with other girls and yet gets angry with me when I do it. (even though we’re not together)it seems I’m not allowed to talk to any other men even though he talks to a bunch of girls , he argues with me cause he thinks anything I post on social media is a dig at him , gets really angry and punches walls as he can’t control his temper . Constantly tells me things I can’t do cause I’m pregnant and making me feel guilty for having a life when pregnant . Claims to care about me and the child yet constantly giving me grief . I’m at rock bottom and have no idea what to do . Runs to his mummy too whenever I ask him to stay away cause of what he’s put me through then get messages from his mum saying I can’t do that to him . Any input is appreciated 🥲

OP posts:
Babymamamama · 09/05/2023 10:48

Why have a baby with this man child?

Stratocumulus · 09/05/2023 10:52

Temporaryname158 · 08/05/2023 19:41

Cut all ties with the father.

inform your midwife of the threats, violence etc from him and the family

do not put his name on the birth certificate as the father.

do not have him accompany you to the birth.

he has behaved terribly, you are going to become a mother and if you won’t travel to terminate you need to now grow up and protect yourself and your child from the man

This.
You will need to grow up very quickly when baby arrives.
Start on that now.

goinginsaneinthemembrane · 09/05/2023 10:59

What country are you in where abortion is illegal?

You don't have to let him be at the brith. In fact you don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with. Why is he able to see what you're liking on social media? Block him! He's going to make your life as difficult as possible, keep him far away, set clear boundaries.

Daisydu · 09/05/2023 11:06

you should probably move away and start a new life away from him. But easier said than done if all your support is where you are. So, don’t have him involved in anything pregnancy related, don’t have him at the birth or even tell him when it’s happening. Block his family. Don’t put him on the birth certificate and don’t tell him when you are registering. Tell your midwife your concerns. They may involve social services but this would be a good thing to keep him the hell away from you and your baby, he sounds abusive and trust me you don’t want to deal with that man for the next 18 years.

Daisydu · 09/05/2023 11:07

And to echo someone else, block him on all social media, make your profiles private as possible.

purpleboy · 09/05/2023 11:14

Why does it matter what country she is in?
She has said she does not want a termination!

Op I'm glad you have support in real life, do talk to your midwife let her know what is going on. I wouldn't have him at the birth, you need to focus on you and delivering baby safely, his and his family's feelings have no place here.

RegalBeagle · 10/05/2023 12:33

My advice (which I'm not sure how to say in a way that does not sound condescending, so please know I'm saying it from a position of concern and support) is to stop worrying about your baby daddy. Stop giving him the attention he obviously so clearly craves. Stop spending so much of your emotional energy thinking about him or how to handle him.

You are going to have a baby. The time between now and when your baby gets here is going to go by so fast. You have plans to make, you have your health to look after. You are going to welcome your little one into the world and you're going to realise immediately how much you need to grow up into that role of mama.

There are resources out there available to women in your situation that can help you if you are concerned for your safety or in need of counselling or other support. Speak to your maternity care team and start planning on how you can get access to those resources.

As recommended by others, you may want to take a break from social media for a while. And you may want to consider speaking to legal counsel on how to plan for when the baby arrives and what happens next.

Lastly, don't let all these comments about termination or telling you how to address your baby daddy get you down. Occasionally we find ourselves in situations where we speak before we take a moment to try see things from some one else's perspective.

And for anyone that may not be aware, the United States is changing abortion laws across many states. Options are no longer available to millions of women and girls. In some states this is the case even if they are the victims of assault. OP has clearly stated she would not terminate regardless, but thought you should know this is no longer an option for a not insignificant number of Americans.

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