Is my birth story typical?

[Whathefisgoingon]

I’m pregnant with my second and looking at hospital options for the birth.

With my first I wasn’t made aware I had a choice, and I was assigned the hospital by my midwife. The hospital itself was a 5 min drive from us so I guess it made sense.

At the time I thought my birthing experience was ok but with hindsight many things happened that I am sure could have been better, though DP thinks I’m just overthinking. I’d like your thoughts on some of it, so I know whether I’m being OTT or not.

Firstly, my community midwife failed to tell me that my booking bloods came back suggestive of thalassemia trait or anemia. I saw it on the report after she’d said all was normal, and arranged the necessary bloods with the hospital directly. Obviously if DP also had a thalassemia trait this could have been disastrous for baby.

I had 2/3 trips to the hospital due to reduced movements and I had an obstetrician there tell me that I needed to get my anxiety in check because it would “be worse when the baby is here.” When I told another consultant about this encounter, they told me I should never ignore reduced movements and it’s better safe than sorry.

This same obstetrician seemingly took great joy in weighing me at 37 weeks and updating my weight to “obese,” at which point she told me to “get moving.”

I was induced and overall in hospital for 4 days. I had an epidural and the button broke twice, failing to work. They had to replace it.

Babies heart then started dropping, I had repeatedly said I felt extreme pressure down below but a quick glance in between my legs and I was dismissed. Eventually they said “I get baby is ready to go, that’s why his heart is dropping like that” suggesting it was normal, but lo and behold I was fully dilated.

Whilst actively pushing my baby out, the head midwife came in and said she was assessing everyone’s pushing to see who was most likely to need doctors assistance as there was only 1 doctor on the ward. This in itself I find quite concerning, what if there were 2 emergencies? I ripped and was stitched up but still bleeding, at which point the head midwife was called in and she told me she was sorry but she would have to unstitch me and then stitch me back up again. Seemingly it wasn’t done right. I couldn’t feel it due to the epidural but still.

Baby was born and we were left alone then eventually moved down to the ward where we received zero support or help. Nothing. We were completely alone and I don’t know what I expected but I’ve heard from others that some places actually help women with the baby or washing?? I had a 2nd degree tear so wasn’t exactly easy.

Baby wouldn’t latch on the boob and I was desperate to breastfeed, milk hadn’t come in so I was hand expressing colostrum and syringing. Baby would cry every time I put him down and ultimately the hospital wouldn’t let us leave until we had given him a bottle of formula and DP had gone out to buy some to prove that we would give it to baby. Obviously I was happy to because I had no clue at the time and I didn’t know that actually they should have got lactation consultants in to help me. As a result of this i ended up giving up BF at 4 weeks and formula fed, which I am still upset about, with the final straw being a community midwife who told me maybe my D cup boobs were just too big for a 6lb baby.

I know it’s long, but can someone tell me if this is just a typical experience within the NHS or should I expect better?

This is not a typical experience and I am so sorry to hear your feelings were dismissed and the staff were at times very offensive to you.

It seems there are a few times they were actually negligent and it's no wonder you feel worried.

I had DD at the height of the pandemic and can't complain about the care we received.

She was 6lbs 1oz and I have D to DD boobs and have never heard that about feeding. We combi fed but only managed 6 weeks as there was no breast feeding support at that time.

Could you potentially go to another hospital this time?

It doesn't sound far off my experience but I wasn't best pleased with the treatment I received either. Feel like you were at my hospital 😅. But no definitely not typical and the staff sound horrendous!

I had a c section, so I can’t comment on your birth experience. I did get the impression that a few HCPs felt I was being overly cautious when I went in for reduced movements the second time though, and it is very frustrating.

Regarding breastfeeding, how long were you in hospital for before they gave you the formula feeding ultimatum? If your baby wasn’t getting enough from the breast and was hungry or at risk of becoming dehydrated then he would have needed something and there must be a limit as to how long they will keep you in hospital to help establish breastfeeding.

I don’t know who told you that they should have arranged for a lactation consultant to come and see you, but I don’t think that’s a standard NHS service? We saw one, due to tongue tie and similar issues to you, but it was an expensive private service. There are loads of breastfeeding support groups out there though (the lactation consultant we saw runs one, and it is free to attend that) so it might be worth looking in to those and finding out when/where they are if you need breastfeeding support this time? It can be really hard, and was for us. We never moved to EBF, but I think DD had at least 80% breast milk and that was good enough for me when we had such a tough start 🙂

re. the midwife wanting to keep tabs on how things were going in case of emergencies - yes this is good practice. There's a finite number of staff on labour ward (particularly out of hours) and if there are multiple women pushing/complex labours or someone in theatre already then it may be prudent to call in off-site staff/interrupt a clinic or theatre list in case of emergencies (and it sounds like your baby had had a bradycardia so perhaps there was some concern that things weren't going to be completely straightforward). A very large part of managing a labour ward is anticipating where problems may be brewing.

Re the epidural pump failing - occasionally that sort of thing happens. It may also take some time to spot just because it takes some time for the epidural to wear off so you notice. Hopefully they replaced the button promptly when it became obvious?

HTH

@Greybeardy thanks for the reply. They did indeed fix the epidural problem when it occurred.

As for the midwife keeping tabs, totally fine by me however it was the wording of “we only have one doctor so I need to see who will need her!”

Overall as mentioned I had always considered my birth experience and hospital stay to be relatively good, it is 3 years later that I am pregnant again that I am thinking about it all in a different light.

I know how stretched things are and the midwives were all amazing, but the maternity services at this hospital were last rated as inadequate on the cqc and it makes me think!