Telling people before 12 weeks

[Brighteyedtriangle]

So by people I mainly mean my daughter age 6. Were away on a family holiday as I will be 12 weeks and wont have my scan until we get back.
Everyone will know as I wont be drinking and it will be obvious but I dont want anyone to slip up and my daughter find out off someone else.
But also I dont want to tell her if I happen to miscarry and find out when get back.
Should I just tell her now.

I would wait, I told my 4 year old after a very positive scan at 10 weeks 5 days (private) only to be told at my NHS scan at 13 weeks 2 days that baby had died at 10 weeks 6 days. His scream was something I never want to hear again when I told him the baby had died and as much as the MMC hurt, nothing hurt more than hurting my son like that.
It definitely traumatised him, he still can't look at the scan picture and talks about it sometimes.

I would wait although we were going away with ILs when I was about 6 weeks I’d had a bit of a bleed so we did tell them I was and would probably be taking it a bit easy (because of the bleed) thankfully all was ok!

I think it depends on the stats, how old you are, if you’ve had a MC before, how was your precious pregnancy, how long you took to conceive, if you’re on any meds, how your overall health is, your weight … etc
In my experience the urge to tell was so strong around that time and then fades.
if you bite your tongue it might just go away.
In your position I would tell close friends but not a child.

Previous

That is really what Im scared of. Im sorry you and your little one had to go through that.

I am away with 50 people for a wedding. Majority family and alot of her cousins etc... adults will know as there is no getting around it and I dont want her finding out from someone else. I would be 12 weeks 2 days after I fly.

I wonder if I should book a private scan for the day before I fly. So I would be about 11.5 I think.

Im 37, tried for a few months last year but then have just left it to fate this year as had settled with the fact it may not happen due to age. Last pregnancy i was 30 very good pregnancy and hasnt been bad so far this time just exhausted.

I don't think the stats really mean that much it's just luck. I'm 27, perfectly healthy pregnancy with my son, concieve fairly easily (within 6 months each time) good weight, no medical issues or medication etc. It can happen to anyone sadly.

A wedding was the exact reason I told my family too, I told my son on Christmas day thinking it would be a nice present then let him tell everyone himself. The wedding was between Christmas and New year and as you say it would have been obvious with no drinking etc but my biggest regret in life is telling him. A scan at 11.5 would probably be helpful but my private scan was 1 day before the baby died so my reassurance was for nothing.
One thing I realise from my experience was at 10 weeks 5 days baby still had a yolk sac and not a placenta. The sonographer said the placenta should develop very soon, around 11 weeks. Baby had strong heartbeat was waving etc so I'm wondering if for me it was when the placenta was meant to develop that baby died. So something for you to get them to check before you make a decision? Whether the placenta is already developed and if it looks fine, babys heartbeat, size and movement.

I personally won't be telling my son if I concieve again until after the 20 weeks scan as so much can go wrong but definitely understand why you want to.

Thank you, its so sad.
I dont want to break her heart its just really bad timing.
Im going to book a scan for just before I fly I will ask the question about the placenta.

Really sorry you went through that

I told my 8 year old very early on. I told him that sometimes having a baby doesn't work and if that happens its OK.

Can't you say you're not drinking because you're on antibiotics? Even if people guess the truth (which I'm sure they will), they won't know for sure so they won't be able to tell your DD.

I would book the private scene before you go.

We’ve told most people before 12 weeks but we had a private scan at 8 weeks to check for a heart beat.

I also haven’t told anyone who I wouldn’t mind knowing about a miscarriage if that happened.

The antibiotics excuse just wont fly for 10 days and I would be known to have a couple on them anyway. Quite a big family and I would be handed drinks left, right and centre.
I have booked at private scan just before we go so have to hope for the best.

I’m not going to chime in on wrong or right times to tell people as I know that’s very personal and I was very conservative and waited until after 12 weeks for close family and 20 weeks for friends.

What I will say is that I was pre-12 weeks over Christmas / New Year / a big birthday of mine / weddings and no one had a clue and it was honestly the easiest thing to hide. I was really really anxious about this, and it really needn’t have. I’m usually a big fan of a drink and never turn one down and just accepted drinks offered, switched with DH, popped to the loo to pour drinks down the sink etc. Honestly you just realise how little attention people are really paying in the end!
Good luck with whatever you decide!

I did this at a hen do when I had just found out I was pregnant. I told my sister only so she could help. She switched out my drinks, took my shots, I'd order coke and pretend it had vodka in it, appletiser instead of prosecco. Noone noticed 🤣

Booked my private scan this morning and what the chance just had the nhs letter through the door and they have booked my scan for the day before I fly. £20 deposit down the drain but so releived that I will be able to hopefully tell her the good news without the worry.

Yea kinda agree with that. Drunk people are very self involved 🙈. Cant wait to be around that for 10 days while im sober. Not being jealous at all.

Very good timing for your scan! Hope all goes well OP x

This must have been so upsetting 😔 I’m sorry to hear that you went through that@Ttcmumma

I just wanted to say for anyone else reading this thread that at my 12 week scan for DS I asked about the placenta and they couldn’t see it yet and didn’t seem worried by that at all. They just said that would come later.

DS is now almost 2 years old.

Whether people suspect or not they'll surely keep their mouths shut? Do you really think they'll be gossiping about you to the extent that your daughter will overhear them?

I'm 12 weeks pregnant, haven't told anyone yet but I've met different groups of friends over the last few weeks and have been openly ordering non-alcoholic cocktails which is very unusual for me because I always like a drink. I've had excuses at the ready in case anyone asked why I wasn't drinking but not one person did. I think most people have a bit more cop on these days.

You might be surprised how much you can effect a sleight of hand with not drinking.

I had a few sips of prosecco during toasts, always took the same drink as my husband, and he just took my glass instead of his own sometimes.

I was fake sipping the same glass of white wine for four hours. And a foreign wedding you might have the excuse of heat to drink plenty of water.