Struggling with eating disorder while pregnant

[NicolaRose]

Hey all - new to this

im 15 weeks 2 days today which is amazing. The only thing I am really struggling with is weight gain. I have had an eating disorder since I was 15/16 (29 now) and before I fell pregnant it was somewhat under control. I was able to eat without counting calories but what I didn’t realise is I relied heavily on training hard and heavy in the gym. I THOUGHT I’d be able to somewhat continue once I got pregnant or atleast trade for some cardio.

wake up call - first weeks were HARD. I had NO energy, I felt so sick and horrible and would try to snack constantly to get rid of it. I ended up taking time off work just to rest.

I’m hopefully through the woods with the nausea but because I’ve been doing less and eating more I have gained weight and it’s really eating at me (ha)

I feel so ashamed like I’m a fat and undisciplined mum. I’ve let myself go all because I’m pregnant. I don’t know how much I’ve gained as Im scared to weigh but it must be around 5-6kgs, maybe more. I can see my bump coming through but my lower belly just jiggles because of the weight gain and reminds me of how weak and disgusting I am.

I am hopefully getting help but I notice I spend hours googling weight gain trying to make myself feel worse or better, I don’t even know.

I just needed an outlet - am I the only one? Why am I so weak right now, how can I stop eating as much and not crave things like cheese ? (Absolutely the best thing to grace this planet at the moment)

im so scared of going to my appointments and the midwife saying I’m fat or eating too much. I don’t know what’s wrong with me :(

Hey, I didn't want to read and run and I'm sure others on here are better placed than me to share their experiences, but just wanted to say that it sounds like you are doing the right thing getting help with this. I'd also recommend sharing your concerns with your midwife to see if you can get extra support - I struggle with my mental health (anxiety and panic attacks) and told them this at the start and they have referred me to the mental health team who fast tracked me for CBT and other support which has been great. Being pregnant does tend to mean that you get help much quicker when it comes to mental health issues. Wishing you all the best.

I can’t help as I have no experience. I just wanted to say well done for getting help. I really feel for women in your situation. I’m rooting for you ☘️

I had ednos before my last pregnancy and when I got pregnant I was terrified of putting on weight and started counting calories. I'd allow myself 1700 per day. As I knew that I needed to est for baby, but it was a real struggle.

Once I got to about 20 weeks, everything changed. I stopped counting calories and started to eat intuitively. Self care was also a major factor in my mental health. I did breathing exercises every day, pregnancy yoga and got a massage every fortnight.

It is a massive struggle and I'd urge you to seek help, talk about your feelings and your fears. Most of all, try to be kind to yourself. You can always lose the weight after the baby was born, so try to focus on keeping yourself and your mental wellbeing healthy

Go and speak to yr GP and get help.

I’m sending a big hug your way. Eating disorders are brutal. I had one from teenage years for a very long time. It lasted through my first pregnancy, I got help before getting pregnant again. My daughter was born 6 weeks early, spent 3 weeks in the NICU, her lung collapsed, she was intubated, couldn’t feed normally, it was horrific at the time. She’s happy and healthy now, though gets asthma type symptoms if she has any type of cold and I’ll never know if I caused this by being exercise and food obsessed in pregnancy. Please take my word for it, you don’t want that lingering over you. Listening to her struggle to breathe while blaming myself is truly awful. With my second. It helped me to remind myself that pregnancy is temporary. Bodies are resilient, but if you want this baby, please please get help. A therapist helped me so much. You have to want the help though and that’s the really tricky part, as it’s almost an addictive type issue. I really hope you get the help you need, and that you have a healthy, happy pregnancy xo

Hey OP, I have also struggled with eating disorders for years and I know how difficult it is to tell when the disorder is throwing bullshit at you. That’s what’s happening here, though. Your baby can only get nutrients from YOU. That’s why you’re eating more, that’s why you’re craving certain foods. He/she has no other option so it’s going to be ‘asking’ for what it needs. I’ve sat spooning peanut butter out of the jar while pregnant and I didn’t feel great about it but you know what? I knew it was the right thing because if there was ever a time to trust your body, it’s now. And no, I didn’t get hugely fat either! It was going into growing a baby.

I’ve heard so many horror stories of babies born to mums who are restricting food being really poorly. The midwife has your physical health and your baby’s interests at heart so they’d say the same thing as me. I think you should tell her you’re struggling if you can. Your body is going to change in pregnancy and that’s likely to be hard, so get help now from both professionals and your wider support network.

Hi OP. Sorry you are going through this, I definitely agree you should seek help asap and let your midwife know

I struggled with a mix of anorexia/bulimia and restricted eating from 18 up till around 2 years ago (26) and only really sorted out with therapy, help of my OH, and deciding I wanted a family soon. I had a complete mental switch and just focused on getting my body ready for baby through intuitive/mindful eating and nutrition. There are loads of good books I read which you should, “the food mood connection”, “real food for pregnancy” to name 2. Which really open your eyes tbh to what you are starving yourself and your body of.

I am in 1st trimester now and similar to you have used the gym as a crutch previously but am now limiting myself to a few days a week if I can be bothered and mainly doing core work to help with delivery.

what I’m trying to say is right now your body needs to do a job and is kind of on a mission and you’ve got to get behind the wheel and steer the ship. Instead of focusing on calories, focus on nutrition and on getting in all the key food groups so you can support your body. When you switch that focus and hopefully through help, you’ll be just fine OP! ✨

Hi,
I'm so sorry you're struggling. I can completely relate. I'm not sure if it will be the same for you, but from about 25 weeks my bump was a lot bigger and it helped to allieve some of the feelings of being fat, as it was more obviously bump.
The other thing that helped was finding a pregnancy weight gain calculator. The one I used was American, as it's not recommended in the UK as weight gain can be so varied. However, for me, it helped to keep track and feel an element of control. As long as I was in the recommended weight gain range, I knew I wasn't going too far wrong and could talk myself around from those negative thoughts.
Sending lots of love, please do everything you can to get support now so that you don't struggle too much post natal.

This must be really hard and I know it's not straightforward. Try to remind yourself that you need to eat a bit more during pregnancy for the health of your baby. The cravings are your body asking for what it needs for a healthy pregnancy (cheese=extra calcium!) Accept any help you are offered by the midwives to support you with this.

Everyone has been really lovely with their responses. Thank you. I’m managing better but some days it’s super tough to see my body change and my belly just feel so bloated and big lol I’m only 4 months but by the end of the day I look a lot further along !

thank you all

Sorry you’re feeling this way @NicolaRose . Please try and change your mindset around what your body should look like and what it needs - you’re sustaining a human and growing to be a support system when they are born too. This is amazing work but calorie intense and so of course you’re going to be eating differently and at times too tired to exercise.
Depending on your start weight, you’re likely to gain 2-3 stone, so please don’t be too hard on yourself.

A midwife would never tell you that you're fat, she would only ever advise on nutrition. Hope you're not being too hard on yourself OP. You're growing a little person, and weight gain is completely normal. Food cravings are your body telling you what it needs to keep baby healthy. I'm currently 17 weeks pregnant and have gained weight. Your body is amazing and is looking after your baby - keep telling yourself that 😊