When to try after miscarriage? Just found out I have had a miscarriage & anxious and feeling sad.

[EllieJade95]

Hey everyone,

I’m looking for some advice (and maybe just some positive stories as feeling pretty shitty). I have just got back from my scan to find out that unfortunately baby stopped growing around 6 weeks. I already knew this, as I had a scan 10 days ago and they said it was looking about 5/6 weeks and I knew that didn’t work with dates – however I had to wait the 10 days to have it confirmed.

I’ve opted for the surgical management as I have read several horror stories about the medical management and if I am completely honest, I would rather just be able to grieve and try and recover without waiting around and potentially having to have a surgery anyway. I was really hoping it would just happen naturally, but 3 weeks later and still nothing. Apparently my hospital don’t do the D&C anymore as it’s quite harsh, they do the vacuum but you’re under general anaesthetic luckily (experiences with this would also be helpful!).

I have a big fear over TTC and I was wondering what people did after their surgery (or medical, or natural). For some context, I fell pregnant the first time we tried (I know how lucky I was – trust me). I was always terrified of getting into TTC time as I always had a fear I’d struggle to get pregnant, so you can imagine my joy when I managed to straight away...but now I’m fearful I was just lucky and it was a one off. I have read mixed things around when people started trying again and have seen some people say they waited until their first period, some say they waited until a negative test and some people say they didn’t wait for anything and ovulated a few weeks after and got pregnant. I know there’s not really a “right” answer and I guess in my head I’d like to start straight away (if I do ovulate after, but there’s a chance I may not as I didn’t previously ovulate every month) as I feel the longer I leave it the more anxiety and stress I will build up on trying to conceive.

Are there many positive stories of people managing to fall pregnant quickly again after miscarriage? I don’t know why I have a fear in my head that miscarriage may have affected it and maybe I was super lucky to get pregnant straight away and it won’t happen again.. a couple of people have said to me if you manage to quickly initially there’s no reason why you can’t again but I just don’t know.

Any advice and positive stories would be great as I am feeling pretty crappy right now ☹

P.S If anyone has any advice as to how to regulate ovulation that would be also very helpful. I previously had a period every month but it would be irregular, I’ve started taking pre-natal vitamins which apparently help regulate ovulation etc.

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's such a horrible thing to experience.

I had a MMC last year in August. At my scan at 13 weeks they found that baby had stopped developing at 8 weeks. It was such a shock and I was absolutely devastated. I have a healthy 4 year old with whom I'd had an absolutely complication-free pregnancy so this was never something that even crossed my mind. On top of that, it had taken us 8 months to get pregnant this second time round so I was anxious it would be a long wait to conceive again.

I also decided to have the MVA (manual vacuum aspiration) but my hospital do it under local anaesthetic. It wasn't pleasant but it was over in about 10 minutes and after some tea and biscuits I was able to go home and rest.

I bled for a week (like a normal period for me), took a pregnancy test two weeks later, which was negative. We then went on holiday and I had a suspicion that I might be ovulating (egg-white type discharge, lots of pulling and pinching in my ovaries) so we decided to try again straight away. I got my positive test about a week and a half later!

Unfortunately I wasn't able to relax much or be happy about it because I started having regular heavy bleeding episodes. I went to the EPU every time and miraculously baby stuck! Turns out I had a subchorionic hematoma, which resolved itself by 12 weeks.

Tomorrow I'll be 34 weeks pregnant with my rainbow babe and I'm still in a bit of disbelief and so grateful that after the MMC it all worked out so quickly. It was what I needed to heal from the loss.

A few words of caution from my personal experience:
I believe the hematoma was related to not having a period in between the surgery and falling pregnant again. It almost felt like my body still had some recovery and "clearing out" to do and it was lucky baby stuck.

My anxiety in the first two trimesters was through the roof and I definitely didn't give myself enough time off from work in the first few weeks to recover mentally.

Obviously I wouldn't now want to change anything in my history as I am excited to meet this little person I've been growing. But in hindsight I wonder if waiting for a month may have made the earlier stages of pregnancy a bit less troublesome and given my mind a bit of extra time to process it all.

But if you do want to just crack on because it's the right thing for you to do, wait for that negative test and go for it.

In terms of cycle regulation, look into seed cycling. And do make sure you keep taking your vitamins as you say.

Sending you lots of love, strenths and baby dust! x

@EllieJade95 So sorry for your loss 💔
my story is the same as yours baby stopped growing at 6 weeks 😢 went for medical management as surgical would be two weeks and just wanted it over and done with to grieve took all the tablets 1 on Friday then went home and then ten on Monday (11 in total) while in hospital (they kept me in as I wanted mine tested as it was my 5th miscarriage) and they didn’t work so had to get the vacuum on Wednesday it went really smoothly and I’m back home with just spotting and cramping. My tests are negative now but I don’t have any positive story yet as it’s just happened 🤞🏻 sending you lots of love hugs and strength it’s absolutely 💔😢🤗♥️

@EllieJade95 hi I’m so sorry to hear of your loss, it’s the worst feeling 🥲 I had a miscarriage at 7weeks in jan, severe cramping and heavy bleeding, had no intervention and bled for over a month. After the bleeding finished my period came about 2weeks after, had a 3day cycle, then had a 4day cycle next. This month we have just found out in 4weeks 3days pregnant so keeping everything crossed all is ok this time! Don’t put any pressure on yourself, it will happen when you are both ready and relaxed! Good luck!