Lonely and confused

[franceskf]

Hi,

I’m expecting my first child in December, so I’m still really early into my pregnancy but so far it’s been nothing but miserable. I hate saying, I hate feeling so down all the time but I’m constantly nauseous and I’ve made myself ill from running myself down that I’ve now had to have time off work. I feel super alone and like my partner isn’t supportive of how I feel cause to them they think I’m just being horrible and cold towards him but I keep trying to explain this isn’t a personal attack towards him.

I’ve been struggling to eat due to the sickness and this has created arguments between me and my partner as again he seems to be downplaying my experience and thinks I could possibly just get up and get on with life.

he can be very selfish in his thoughts and throughout this time, my sex drive as obviously plummeted. He sees this as again another personal attack instead of listening to me and trying to get him to understand how bad I feel everyday and how unattractive and gross I feel within myself, it’s the last thing I want.

I just want someone to talk to that doesn’t know me personally, I find it easier sometimes and maybe someone who’s been through this/ going through this.

So sorry you're having to deal with that as well as the uncomfortable symptoms of the 1st trimester! Would your partner perhaps agree to read up on what pregnancy does to a woman's body, or listen if you say down and had a frank conversation about it? I had an ok 1st trimester but still couldn't eat much, so rarely cooked as it made me sick, and barely saw my husband in the evenings after work as id just want to sleep and be in bed! It was definitely a challenge to overcome as a couple as it all changed quickly after getting pregnant, even though we thought we were prepared, having had IVF!

My husband and I talked alot about how crazy it was, the changes to my body, and feeling sick etc. He took on a lot more and the dynamic changed a while, but that's just what has to happen, it's not always 50/50 and he had to step up so he did. Your partner must do the same! And not add to your load by making you feel guilty!

We also haven't had sex the whole pregnancy because at first I was worried about it with having an IVF pregnancy, and then because sex drive dropped. We both talk about it, how much we miss it but know it's the right choice. He shouldn't be making you feel guilty about it at all, i hope once the intial adjustment is over he becomes more open to talking to you and listening and acting in how you feel. Big hugs, it's a scary time and sometimes not what we imagined but it gets better! X

Thank you @Imisscoffee2021 for responding, I really appreciate it!

I’ve tried as much as I can to get him to understand what I’m feeling and what my body is going through, but still the situation seems to be made about him and his feelings. I know I’ve became very harsh already in my pregnancy but I don’t have the energy for a pity party for him, so this could really affect the relationship as I don’t see him maturing enough to put himself last. It kind of confirms my fears hearing other people speak to highly of their partners and the sacrifices they’re making.

again thank you for the message, and good luck and congratulations on your amazing journey x