When does anxiety ease?

[pregnancyrollercoaster]

Have NC for this thread so I'm not linked to my PP's

23+4 today and the anxiety has been really amplified. We conceived via IVF due to endometriosis a very much longed for and wanted pregnancy. I lost 3.5st to ensure I met the less than 30 BMI and clocked in with a BMI of 27 along with having laparoscopic surgeries to remove as much as possible which resulted in me losing a Fallopian tube and 2/3 of an ovary. Very grateful we've had a sticky bean so far from our first round with 3 in the freezer.

Pregnancy has been a total rollercoaster with trips to EPU, 5 trips to triage for bleeding and 1 stay in so far. They can't 100% say what's causing them to happen and to take things easy / rest. I'm under the care of the perinatal mental health team for support and also have additional MW appts.

Consultant appts kick off next month with growth scans due to my age, IVF and low PAPP-a

They keep telling me to 'enjoy' my pregnancy but the anxiety it's leaving me house bound and terrified to be on my own. I'm only leaving the house for appts and popping up to my mums but even that's scary for me. Today it's really hit home as DH said he was scared to leave me on my own in case something happens. I told him I can't come along for the ride in case I need to go to the loo.

I'm very fortunate that work have been extremely accommodating and supportive as distraction is a key coping mechanism for me so I'm doing alternative related work that I can do from home. I think they are also a bit eek about things as one of my bleeds happened at work.

I fully appreciate I can't sit at home until baby arrives but running out of patience and options 😩

Going from a very independent person to someone who can't leave the house easily is terrifying the life out of me. There's so much to be done in the house to get ready for baby and again limited due to being told to rest.

Thank you for reading of you got through it all.

You need to tell your midwife you need perinatal mental health support.
I had bad antenatal anxiety and it got much better immediately after the birth x

Have you got any friends you can confide in and very gently go to a coffee shop with? Any getting out is better than no getting out.

@Nothingbuttheglory

Thank you for replying. My next PNMHT appt is in a couple of weeks and I see MW on Tuesday coming. I've sat for 3hrs today just looking out the window at the lovely weather today (while mindlessly scrolling intermittently at all the lovely pictures people on my feeds have shared) pre pregnancy we would've been out even if it was to the local park with the dog, I feel paralysed.

Friends wise, the circle has shrunk as soon as we started telling people the silence has been deafening and I don't like put myself on people. I've vaguely mentioned to a few friends who have been messaging that I'm not getting the 'pregnancy glow' vibe. An acquaintance asked me last week if I was feeling connected with baby yet and I burst into tears as I don't which sounds awful 😣. During my recent stay in hospital I had to ask the staff to stop asking if I was feeling movements yet as I wasn't!

Hopeful bump 💖

@pregnancyrollercoaster I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. I am currently 7+2 with a longed for IVF baby (alao endo!) and I understand some of the anxiety you’ve been through. The heartache and emotional trauma to even get to this point is horrendous and unless someone has been through it, it’s hard for them to understand why you can just “relax”.

I was signed off work in week 5 because my anxiety was so bad. I sat on the sofa all week with my mum (who thankfully lives nearby) convinced that I would have an MC on my birthday, which was at the end of that week. These feelings got better as I passed my birthday without incident and we had a scan last week that showed a heartbeat. However, I still do get anxiety and there are good days and bad.

I also have also found enormous comfort connecting with other IVF ladies on Mumsnet - have you looked around at the IVF pregnancy boards to find others who are at the same stage as you with an IVF pregnancy? They may be able to make you feel less alone in this.

It sounds like you are suffering from severe anxiety, which I can relate to both during and before my pregnancy. If you have the funds, have you considered reaching out to a private therapist or mindfulness coach? If you can get referral from your hospital that would be best, but I know the waiting list for mental health services on the NHS can be quite long and it sounds like you are in desperate need of someone qualified to talk to.

If you are interested in mindfulness coaching and have the funds, I recommend Charlotte Green who is wonderful fertility coach: https://mindfulfertilitycoach.com/ her speciality is helping ladies through IVF but she can do pregnancy sessions I think. She really helped me with my anxiety in the lead up to my FET and I credit the techniques I learned through her with not losing my mind completely during my pregnancy (yet!).

Please know you are not alone in this and your feelings, whilst not helpful to you right now, are understandable. You aren’t a burden, you aren’t being lazy or silly. You just need some helping hands to help you out of your current hole. So many of us have been there, and I am rooting for you x

You are one brave woman!

I think you need to give yourself some grace first if all, you've been through a lot and it feels scary and hard, because it is scary and hard. Your hormones are also going to be exacerbating the emotional rollercoaster.

However, I promise you are going to kick yourself so badly for not appreciating this time being pregnant. Your body is performing the task for which it was designed, it's a safe place for your baby. You are growing and nourishing a tiny human being in there. Even if 'enjoying' it isn't on the cards, try to be grateful to your body for what it's doing. You could even say it to yourself every morning and night. Thank you body for growing and keeping this baby safe. Sorry I know that sounds silly but you've got to fake it til you make it!

You have 3 weeks to go until baby is 'viable' and some babies born even before that are ok. Gather all the strength you can muster, get as much support as you can, plan something you REALLY want to do for 26 weeks and make that your cut off point for when you are going to stop letting anxiety control you (even if you still feel it) and start living again.

So sorry I’ve been having endless issues with MN today letting me post 🤦‍♀️

@graygoose thank you for taking the time to reply I really appreciate it ❤️ I’m on a couple of the IVF chat boards / accessing support through FNUK too. I think I maybe need to have a look at other threads as the ones I’m on are all very positive with hardly a mention of struggles. I’ll have a look at Charlotte Green, thank you for rooting for me too. I’m the first to always be there to support others I maybe need to take a dose of my own support too 💖 wishing you well your with pregnancy and I hope it’s not as rollercoasterish as mine has been 🥰

@LBFseBrom thank you 💜

@eggboxontop I am truly grateful to be able to grow a human it’s mind blowing 🤯 I tell myself every morning ‘I am more pregnant today than I was yesterday’ it’s definitely a case of faking it till I make it, yesterday was quite scary as I couldn’t get a handle on my anxiety at all. I think what also threw me was DH saying he was scared to leave me on my own in case something happened, I didn’t think he was as affected by everything that’s gone on so far. Had a real heart to heart with him last night and I’ve asked him again to tell me what’s running through his mind so we can support each other too.

I tried to go out today in the car with DH to the local drive thru coffee place for an iced tea, didn’t work out. I’ve put together a small photo album for baby’s scan pictures though which focussed my mind for a little while.